


Finding Shepard

by drellassassin, masterthief



Series: Redemption and Rebirth [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Post-Mass Effect 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2017-12-31 21:45:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 46,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drellassassin/pseuds/drellassassin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterthief/pseuds/masterthief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the Reaper War, Kaidan Alenko is finding it harder each day to keep on going without Shepard. Miranda Lawson feels the same way, but she knows something that Kaidan doesn't, something that will change everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Miranda

**Author's Note:**

> Typical disclaimer of not owning the characters goes here. This takes place a year-and-a-half after the Reaper War/Battle for Earth. This story is told from both Miranda and Kaidan's point of view.

Miranda Lawson had never expected things to turn out the way they had. Two years ago, she had fully expected to sacrifice her life, along with Shepard and the rest of her crew, to defeat the Collectors. That was as far as her plan had carried her. In the months leading up to their assault on the Omega-4 base, Miranda had found closure and made peace with her demons as best she could. She had been ready to die for a cause she believed in.

And then she didn't.

Instead of dying, Miranda found herself on the run from the Illusive Man and trying to protect her sister from their father, without a plan and using what little resources she had left to stay off the grid. Add in the war with the Reapers, and it made for a rough year.

None of that compared to the pain that was to come.

After helping defeat her father on Horizon, Miranda set out to make sure her sister would be safe, once and for all. She, along with her sister and her family, relocated to a secure Alliance base, where she knew they would all be safe - at least for the moment.

The Alliance was surprised to have an ex-Cerberus officer willing to help them, but Shepard's good word kept them from bothering her too much. She was able to use her leadership skills to negotiate for Crucible resources. For the most part, she stayed away from battle, still weak from her encounter from Kai Leng. She was regretful that she was unable to be with Shepard's team on Earth, but she had every confidence that her former love interest would succeed without her, something she would not have been able to admit just a year prior.

Her feelings were mixed once the dust began to settle. She was finally free from the clutches of both possessive men in her life - her father and the Illusive Man. Her sister, Oriana, was safe. Miranda was finally able to have the life with her sister that she had longed for.

At the same time, Shepard was gone. Upon hearing of the Reapers' defeat, as well as Shepard's death, Miranda found herself in a state of disbelief. It was unfathomable that Jennifer Shepard could be dead. There was no evidence in the wreckage of the Crucible. Luckily, she was not the only one who felt this way. One Liara T'Soni was already looking into what had happened on the Citadel and contacted Miranda to come work for her. With little alternative, she did.

The nagging feeling that Shepard wasn't dead ate away at her. It was because of this that she agreed to help Liara. It gave her a focus, and who could say no to Liara? Miranda may have been talented, but she was still human. She was no match for a pure biotic asari or the numerous soldiers she had at her disposal.

She aided in the movement and reconstruction of the Citadel and eventually moved into an apartment when construction was finished, all the while looking for clues as to what could have happened to Shepard. It wasn't a cut and dry process either. Months went by with little to no information. Many times, she felt like giving up.

But she didn’t.

After a year, their work finally paid off. Liara contacted her about someone resembling the commander. A woman had been rescued from an uncharted world by one of Aria T'Loak's ships, and she was seeking refuge on Omega. Unable to join Miranda on Omega herself, Liara sent a dossier on the one other person with enough reason to believe Shepard still alive - the second human Spectre (and Shepard's significant other, no less), Kaidan Alenko.

Miranda questioned it, regardless of Liara’s certainty.

"Why Alenko? He's unstable. Surely someone else would be better suited to the mission. What about Vakarian? Vega? Hell, I'd prefer Jack." Miranda moved swiftly back and forth in front of the monitor the Shadow Broker's face appeared on.

Liara simply shook her head. "It makes the most sense. The others are have moved on. I think this would be good for Kaidan. Look out for him, lie to him if you have to. Do what you can to get him to go with you. It has to be him. Trust me."

Joker was standing by with a ship to take her to Omega, and they had a small crew. Miranda had her orders. All that was left was Kaidan.

So Miranda did as she was told. She contacted him via Extranet communication and asked him to meet her on the Citadel so that they could talk about something in person. She was wary of doing it any other way, for fear of scaring him off or having their conversation monitored. She did not tell him much, aside from the importance of them speaking. Kaidan seemed reluctant, but he eventually agreed to meet her the next day.

With the meeting scheduled, she knew her next hurdle was to convince him to help in her cause. Her mind was moving rapidly to brainstorm the best course of action. She had been given complete control over how to handle the mission, the only exception being that it had to be Kaidan Alenko and no one else accompanying her. Her conversation with Liara just days before made that evident enough. Convincing him would be the most important thing. Without him, there was no plan. She had to make sure she had a plan

When the next day finally came, Miranda spent most of the day preparing, planning for what he might say or any questions he might have. Instead of her usual armor, which Joker had once said could hardly be called such, she dressed in more appropriate attire for the setting: a long and revealing black dress.

They had decided on her favorite sushi restaurant on the Silversun Strip, one that Shepard nearly destroyed and that had only recently reopened after completing renovations, and she made sure to show up promptly five minutes before the agreed time. She expected Kaidan to be late, given what she had seen of him from the Shadow Broker’s feeds, but that didn’t matter. It would give her time to compose herself, to gather her thoughts.


	2. Kaidan

Kaidan Alenko had learned the hard way that he couldn't be surprised anymore.

First there was that moment, where the Normandy was attacked, and while he was able to make it to the escape pod, he was told Jennifer Shepard didn't. She had gotten spaced, and that was that. The Normandy was gone, and the woman he loved went with it.

It took two years to move on, and he didn't do that successfully.

Second, there was that moment on Horizon, where he watched from behind a building as Shepard attacked the collectors, with Garrus and a brunette woman he didn't recognize. She was alive. Shepard was alive and the mix of emotions were too much for him -- and the fact that she was with Cerberus was even worse. She wasn't who he thought she was.

Third, there was the moment on Mars, where he found himself chasing after a _dammed AI_ , and soon he was slammed into the ground. Blacked out. Woke up in Huerta Memorial Hospital and found that Shepard wasn't there. But things changed, and she came back, she was still around. She still cared. It was enough to keep going.

Fourth, well that was when the war ended. When Shepard didn't return. When all those promises were broken, as he got pulled back from the battle field by James, dragging him into the Normandy. When they crashed landed on a garden planet, it didn't surprise Kaidan at all.

When they held the memorial on the ship, it didn't surprise him.

When he didn't put Shepard's name up right away, it surprised no one.

But when he finally placed that plaque up there, underneath Admiral Anderson’s name? That shocked _everyone_.

So by now, Kaidan Alenko knew that when someone had something to tell you, you had to be cautious and you had to be suspicious. You had to be on the top of your game, because at any moment the world could come crashing down around you.

This had happened to Kaidan twice in his lifetime, and he wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it the second time around. This time, at least there were others dealing with the same loss he had, but it had gotten tiresome after a while to have everyone tell you to “cheer up” and that everything would be fine. Liara had mentioned in passing once that he had to just move on with his life, because that was what Shepard would have wanted.

But it wasn’t about what Shepard wanted, because Shepard wasn’t here. It had to be about what Kaidan wanted, and he had no idea what that was anymore.

After the war ended and the Citadel was being rebuilt, Kaidan struggled to find his place in the world. With the Reapers gone, and most synthetic life gone as well, there were changes that needed to be made. The struggle to get technology back up and running was a large one, but if Humanity and the other races had done it before, they could do it again.

It still didn’t mean that Kaidan wasn’t lonely. He was. Miserably so. Not to say that he didn't try to move on. He did. But failed. Again, miserably so. There had been a moment with a stalker but...well, that wasn't important now.

What remained of Shepard’s crew would get together once a week, talk about the good days, drink, play cards, and did anything they could to keep the topic off the horrible moments. After a while, the crew started to go their own ways, and Kaidan found the only ones really left around him were Joker, James, and Jack. The others, well they left one by one, trying to make their lives outside of the Citadel. After a while, even he could get all those that were left confused, just slurring “Hey J!” and waiting to see who turned around so he could bug them for another drink.

He had fallen into a routine of drinking and gambling, and he was slowly losing his mind for it.

It had been recently that he started to receive messages from Miranda Lawson. She seemed to be looking to make contact with the old crew again, having never gone to the weekly meetings before, and wanted to know how he was. Eventually, the brunette that Kaidan looked at with a raised eyebrow on Horizon became a good friend. They got to know each other more largely through the extranet, and that was fine with him.

Their little written exchange had become one Kaidan didn’t actually mind looking forward to, until she requested that they meet for dinner one night at the Sushi place on the strip.

He couldn’t blame her for being so blunt when she asked him to meet her. Miranda was to the point, beautiful and deadly, but he supposed that was what perfect genetics gave you. Meeting up with Miranda, well it wasn't something that they hadn't done before. They had checked in, though never at the Citadel, never in person.

This felt different. It felt almost wrong.

He was suspicious.

Kaidan supposed it could also be the timing of Miranda’s message, and her request. It had almost been a year since the war ended, since Shepard died again (and this time for good), and the wound wasn't healing. He had gotten past Shepard before, he should have been an old pro by now. But last time, Shepard was alive.

Kaidan kept hoping Shepard was still alive until he gave up hope, and no longer believed that she was. He couldn't let himself think that anymore, because living in her apartment was too painful. He lived in her apartment now, because of Liara. Because Liara demanded he do it, because _Kaidan, no one can take care of the memories like you can_ , and how could he tell the Shadow Broker no? He didn't want to meet an Asari firing squad, if he remembered correctly no one survived those.

Or so Liara said.

Moving into the apartment twelve months ago was a struggle, and living there practically alone was worse at first. The ghosts of Anderson and Shepard seemed to be everywhere, and Kaidan could hardly deal with the apartment when he was sober, and it was even worse when he was drunk and potentially seeing things.

It was then that the suggestion for a roommate came to play, and Samantha Traynor came running into the apartment. Pretty soon, they both shared the same space. Kind of. They were never around when the other person was and hardly spoke now thanks to Samantha's new relationship, but knowing that someone else was there, and that someone wasn’t a ghost? Well it kept the sanity in check.

Twelve months later after things changed, after the war ended, Kaidan was sitting in that exact apartment, staring at his Omni Tool and wondering how he would respond to Miranda. Did he want to meet her? Did he want to bring up the past? Did he want to be reminded of the past? The answer to that was no, but since he seemed to be living in the shadow of the greatest Commander who ever lived, and lived now (or hardly existed) in her apartment, well he didn’t have a choice. He wasn’t allowed to give up the past. No one would let him.

After an hour of debating, Kaidan finally gave in. He sent a quick message that he would meet her, and she responded instantly with the time and place. _Today. Sushi. Dress nice._. What was this? A date?

That thought made Kaidan sick to his stomach, and he swallowed it down with a shot of Peruvian Whiskey. This was just going to be catching up, a quick dinner, and that was that.

So he dressed, and left the apartment, making his way to the sushi place. It was a good one, before Shepard had ruined it once, and well, it was weird coming back. Was there going to be another clone? Was there going to be another struggle? Dear god, was there going to be another Brooks?

There were too many memories going through his mind as he walked down those long stairs, as he was waved in by the door man. Spectre status had it's perks, even if he didn't even do that job anymore. Or tried not to do that job anymore.

Still, there she was. Miranda Lawson, always on time (or maybe Kaidan was just always late these days), waiting at a table in the back of the room. He smiled as he saw her, nodding a hello before he took the open seat next to her. He leaned forward a bit, his hands clasping each other over the table, "Well, Miranda, you wanted to see me, and...so, yeah. Here I am."

Whatever this was, couldn't be said over the extranet, and that was the real reason why he was suspicious. The last time this happened...his life changed. He didn't know if he could deal with that again. At least, not while sober, and dammit it took biotics longer to get drunk than normal.

This had the potential to be a very long night.


	3. Miranda

Miranda, always on time, was waiting at a table in the back of the room for Kaidan to show up. She had assumed he would be late. By the time Kaidan arrived, she was sitting, one leg crossed over the other, sipping on a glass of wine.

When she finally noticed him enter, she shook her head, clearly not amused with his tardiness. She noted that he smiled as he saw her, and she nodded in return, trying not to let her frustration with him show.

She smiled warmly at Kaidan and motioned toward the chair next to her for him to sit. He nodded in greeting before he took the open seat next to her. He leaned forward a bit, his hands clasping each other over the table. "Well, Miranda, you wanted to see me, and...so, yeah. Here I am." 

"I am glad you could make it," she greeted, placing her glass back on the table. She gave him a moment to get comfortable before speaking once more. "Listen, I won't waste your time. I will get straight to the point." Miranda paused, as if to actually consider the words coming out of her mouth. "Kaidan, it's about Shepard. We have a lead. She might still be alive."

Kaidan narrowed his eyes, scoffing in frustration towards his dinner companion. "You know, Miranda, you should keep your day job. What ...ever it is, I don't think you'd work out well as a comedian."

Miranda noted that his posture changed as he leaned back in the chair, his eyes moving to look around the brightly lit restaurant, and he sighed deeply before he brought his attention back to her. "Listen, I appreciate whatever it is you're, uh, doing, but this isn't funny. You can't joke about something like that, okay?" He ran a hand through his hair, before dropping it down to his thigh, and leaned forward again slightly.

"And let's say that your 'information' is correct, why would I believe you? Because you brought her back before? Are you going to tell me now that she's working with another terrorist organization, because honestly, Miranda, once was enough." 

Miranda could sense his anger, though he was attempting to hide it for the sake of those enjoying meals around them. She prided herself on her ability to read people, so it was often easy for her to catch on to subtle body language and changes in tone.

She let him continue speaking so that he might be able to process the information she had just told him. She had expected this reaction and would have been quite worried had Kaidan simply jumped at her every word. Convincing Kaidan to trust her on this was not going to be easy. If their situations were reversed, Miranda would have been just as skeptical about it. Shepard had cheated death once; the odds of her doing it again were slim. She knew that. Still, she was hopeful that he would come around and let her continue.

"If you just asked me to meet you to tell me a lie, I _really_ have better things I could be doing right now."

Miranda blinked once it appeared he was finished but remained still in her seat. "My sister is the comedian, not me," she responded, as if to correct him. "Listen, Kaidan, the lead is solid. It comes from the best, and I needn't say any more. You know who I am referring to, and you know I wouldn't be the one sitting in front of you if this had been a prank."

Her eyes narrowed to focus on him. "I cared about her too, you know. If there's any chance that it could be her, or that it could lead us to her - we have to look into it, don't we? Shepard would do the same for you, should your situations be reversed."

If he refused to help - no, he _had_ to help. Miranda had no other option. There was nothing else, no where else to go, and no one else to turn to. There was no one else suited to the task, or at least Liara seemed to believe that. "If you still think I am wasting your time, I will leave. I will say that I doubt I could pull this off without you. With that being said, do you want to know what I have discovered or not?"

The way Kaidan was looking at her when she finished surprised her. He seemed amazed, maybe even impressed, and a small part of her was curious to know what exactly he was thinking. She folded her hands into her lap and looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to speak.

He hadn't gotten up to leave yet either, and she expected that it was because, somewhere deep inside of him, he still had hope. She could use that.

”It comes from..." He repeated Miranda's words back to her, obviously a little confused, but his look of confusion turned into one of frustration. "Is this why she gave me Shepard's apartment? So she could keep me close by if something happened? For fuck's sake, Miranda, I could..." 

When he trailed off mid-sentence, a brief look of confusion crossed her features, but it was replaced quickly.

Miranda shifted, leaning forward towards Kaidan, "I haven't the slightest idea what her intentions were for you and that apartment, but, in my personal opinion, I think she gave it to you because Shepard would have wanted you to have it." It was often difficult for Miranda to be sincere, but she truly did believe the words she had just said. Whether or not he would believe them too was unknown. It was, at least, promising that he had not attempted to leave yet. That meant he was willing to hear her out. If he could calm his temper, perhaps they could reach an agreement on the subject at hand.

There was a sigh from the Spectre as he picked up his menu and started to peruse it. "Fine. Tell me what you know," he said. He shifted in his seat, and Miranda watched his eyes as they looked her over. "This doesn't mean that I believe you, or that I am agreeing to your...whatever you're asking me to do."

He was very forthcoming with his feelings on the matter, and she was grateful. This would be a cut and dry meeting, regardless of the outcome.

"Thank you for your honesty." For the first time since he had taken his seat, she relaxed, allowing herself to lean back just slightly in the chair. "It's not much to go on, but have a look at this." Miranda pressed various buttons on her omni-tool. It flashed orange and an image of a woman with red hair that looked eerily similar to their former commander hovered just above her arm. She leaned forward again to allow Kaidan a proper glimpse and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Note the time and date. This was taken on Omega - three days ago."

She could see the disbelief in his eyes and couldn’t even begin to imagine what emotions were flooding through him in that moment. The man sitting in front of her had cared deeply for Shepard and had already gone through losing her once. He had to have questions, ones that Miranda had been asking herself for days.

"Are you..." Kaidan asked, his voice a whisper but the tone harsh. "I don't want to believe this." At least he was being honest. That would make trusting him easier.

He leaned back, taking his eyes off the recording hovering above her arm and sighed, "Okay, so...if this is her, why is she on Omega? Why hasn't she...what makes you and Liara think this is her? What makes you think this isn't just someone wearing her face?" He sighed heavily and shook his head, "Miranda, we need more than just a video."

Neither she nor Liara would act on this if they had not done their research. That would not make for a very good Shadow Broker. "I understand that you have your doubts. I did - I do, honestly." She made a motion with her arm, and the image on her omni-tool disappeared.

"You know I would not have asked you here had I not asked those questions myself," she said sternly, giving Kaidan a look that read _I am much smarter than that, and you know it._

"Aria T'Loak claims she found this woman on one of the uncharted garden worlds. The kicker? She has no memory of who she is. That would explain why, if this is Jennifer, she has made no effort to contact anyone. I hardly trust T'Loak, but she and Shepard had some sort of understanding. It's worth looking into. If she's lying - well, you have quite a few liberties as a council Spectre, am I correct?"

Kaidan stayed silent for a moment and diverted his eyes from Miranda. She waited patiently, eyes never leaving him.

"I don't know Omega," he finally said, breaking the silence once he took in everything Miranda had said. "I'm rusty."

She couldn't help but laugh. Kaidan’s inexperience with Omega could be a blessing or a curse. Only time would tell. Regardless, she had read his file, and, in talking with him, she came to realize he was extremely capable, even given the problems his biotic implants seemed to cause. She didn’t know much of him, but that could go away once they started to fight side by side - if there was a fight to be had. 

"Omega is a bloody shithole. I hear things have improved since Aria took back control of the place, but it's still Omega. You'll need to be in top shape, mentally and physically, to stand a chance against the mercs there."

"Alright. Alright," he sighed, rubbing his forehead for a moment. "You win. We'll do it your way, just...send me what I need to know, information and the like. But if she's not real, if she's an imposter, if we find her at all, don’t expect me to really take anything you and Liara say without a grain of salt. It's..." His words trailed off, and he sighed again.

"Thank you," she replied sincerely, letting the façade of business fall away. Now that the deal had been made, she could relax. They had a long journey ahead of them, after all. 

"Don't thank me yet." He gave Miranda a look as he finally closed the menu, "I think you owe me a glass of whiskey."

Miranda laughed and looked down at her own wine glass and then back up at him. "I'll buy you a whole bottle of whiskey for agreeing to do this, Alenko. Drink it while you can because the combat simulator is calling your name. We have some training to do."

"Just because I agreed doesn't mean this is your operation,” he said, looking her over, "If I join you, I'm not following you. I am collaborator, I am not following your damn orders, understand?" He paused, and she could tell by the look in his eyes that he was battling anger. "I only follow one person's orders, and she's dead."

There was a pause, then he sighed, pinching the skin between his nose, closing his eyes for a moment. "That wasn't called for. I'm sorry."

Silence fell between the two of them once more, and Miranda let out a sigh. Kaidan’s evident anger was definitely not going to help them pursue their mission. The way he was talking to her made that clear. What made it worse for her was that he seemed to doubt her judgment. Not many people had openly done so - at least, no one that mattered. Personal feelings aside, Miranda didn't flinch. She couldn't afford to let anger get in the way, as he was. Too much was at stake. After this meeting was said and done with, though, she would vent her frustrations and concerns about his well-being in her report back to the Shadow Broker. If Kaidan could not get his shit together, for lack of a better phrase, they were doomed to failure.

Once Kaidan had gotten everything out there and subsequently apologized for his outburst, Miranda remained silent for a moment more, just to be sure he had nothing further to add. "If you're concerned about whether or not I can be a team player, you needn't be. If we do this, we're a team. We have to rely on one another for support, and I need to know that I can put my trust in you. I need to know that you won't get distracted by your - what would you call it - your new favorite hobbies?"

As she asked the questions, Miranda started to feel off. It was as if someone was watching them, and not in a curious bystander sort of way. That was the last thing she needed, at the moment. She had an angry L2 sitting across from her, so there was a chance he might be useful in a fight. They had to be safe in a public setting, but they would have to split up eventually. Maybe she was being paranoid, but, after all she had been through, the constant looking over her shoulder, it was hard not to be.

There had to be some way to let Kaidan know what she was thinking, without actually saying it aloud. She could send it via omni-tool, but, were her suspicions correct, that would give them away entirely. No, she had to go about it in a different way.

"If your former commander could _see_ you now," as she spoke the words she made sure to dart her eyes to the side, and she only hoped he would understand the signal she was trying to give him. "I don't think she would be content with how you're honoring her memory."

It was probably too much to say, even if she were only trying to get his attention. Her stomach tightened as she waited for his reaction. It had to be enough.


	4. Kaidan

_"If your former commander could see you now, I don't think she would be content with how you're honoring her memory."_

At first, Kaidan didn't know what Miranda was talking about.

In fact, he had thought they cleared the air on his little outburst, his show of anger, and she was bringing it up again, insulting him more. It was enough to almost make his biotics flair up. If he learned _anything_ from hanging around Jack, was that anger could really be a powerful force if used correctly, but Miranda wasn't the person that deserved that anger.

Still, something had been off while Miranda spoke. While it took a moment longer than it would have normally if he was in tune to how Miranda operated, he finally caught her look. Something was up. He nodded, playing along, keeping the tone, "I don't know, I think she'd be honored with how I'm moving on and out of the public eye." He silently scolded himself for agreeing to meet in such a public place when he could have figured something like this could happen. They could be in trouble. Someone could be watching them.

There really was no such thing as peace, even with the Reapers defeated and races seemingly at peace, there was always going to be someone who was looking to make things better for themselves. There would always be mercenaries, there would always be black ops groups, there would always be criminals and thieves on the streets. Looking around, Kaidan caught the guy who was looking over at them, and it _looked_ to be just a curious person looking for one of their friends -- and that seemed to be justified when the man stood up and waved a female Turian over and greeted her with a smile.

But it didn’t matter. Kaidan didn't want to take _any_ chances. He cleared his throat and changed his tone, "Listen, why don't we go back to my place for a little more privacy?" He raised an eyebrow, putting on the act that he was hitting on her when of course they both knew the difference. If trouble broke out, he was ready. He had to be ready, there was no other option.

He stood up, and held out his hand for Miranda to take -- as far as other people knew they were just people catching up.

Kaidan looked at her, trying to see if she'd catch on, and he had a feeling that she would, as he was careful to keep his attention on her and not the people around them. Now, _he_ was paranoid. If Miranda and Liara knew about Shepard, who else knew about her? Was Kaidan a fool to give up on Jennifer so easily? Looking at Miranda, Kaidan’s eyes were begging her now to just take his hand so they could get out of there.

He had an escape plan, but it was back at Shepard’s apartment. _His_ apartment. They had to get there first.

Much to Kaidan’s surprise, without hesitation Miranda placed her hand into his and stood up. "I would like that very much." To add to their act, she kept her hand in his and lifted the other to rest on his chest, but only momentarily. "We need a chance to properly catch up, don't we?" Miranda giggled, causing Kaidan to raise an eyebrow, but stayed quiet. "I'll follow your lead," she added, her way of acknowledging she knew he had a plan - well, if he actually had a plan.

As they stood up, Kaidan noticed that the people who were suspicious before were suspicious again, watching them as they left the sushi restaurant. He had to admit, Miranda was good at going along with the act, even though he was sure she felt a little strange doing so. He had never heard her giggle before, and even he had to admit that got a smile and a small laugh out of him.

"We do. I have a lot to talk to you about," He said, his voice hinting with flirtation, to continue to the act as they walked out hand in hand but the further they got away from the restaurant and out of prying eyes (for now), he released her hand. "I know a back entrance to the building, follow me."

He lead Miranda down the back alley of the strip, eventually coming to the apartment building. He was in no mood to scale the side of the building, especially considering how she was dressed, so there would need to be another way. "There are stairs over here," He said, as he reached up and pulled them down to their level, holding the base down to let her go before him. "Two flights, then we can get through the window on the second level, there's construction there, but no one is working there right now."

Kaidan watched as Miranda took off her shoes to carry them up the stairs, "For a moment, I thought you actually expected us to climb," she said before she headed up the stairs quietly before him.

He followed her up, and once he got to the first landing he pulled the stairs back up before continuing on the path he had directed, and once they were through the window and in the building itself, they were only a door away from the apartment.

Kaidan wasn't talking until they got in behind a locked door, and luckily for him, no one ever thought to fuck with Commander Shepard's old apartment. It was safe, which was odd, because he figured that would be the first place people went. Once they were inside, Kaidan let out a sigh as he headed towards the kitchen for a beer.

"So when exactly are you thinking you want to get to Omega?" He started the conversation up again, so sure that they were not followed that they could continue talking how they were before. This was safer. For now.

Miranda looked visibly more at ease once they were in the apartment, and Kaidan couldn’t help but notice that. At least here, they had ways of defending themselves. Miranda dropped her shoes by the door and followed Kaidan into the kitchen. "I'd like to leave as soon as possible, but only if you feel you're ready," she answered, taking a seat at the island counter. "We can't wait too long. The lead might go cold, and it'd be for nothing."

"Yeah," Kaidan said, sighing heavily as he rubbed between his eyes, "Yeah, you're right." He paused, "We should go as soon as possible, but I just can't go yet, if that makes sense? It's like...yeah. It's like I still can't believe what you're telling me, even though I saw it. Does anyone else know? Or is it just you and Liara?" He said, as he looked at the bottle of beer in his hand, but turned around and put it back into the fridge. "Fuck. I guess I should find my armor, get things packed."

Kaidan leaned forward on the counter for a moment before he pushed himself off of it with his hands, clapping his hands together once he stood up straight again. He would have to leave a note for Samantha. She'd understand, she was too busy with her new girlfriend anyway -- truth be told Kaidan and Samantha were both horrible roommates, but it worked out that way. Neither was home when the other was. Samantha would take care of things here, though. He had no doubt for that.

"We need a ship, don't we?" The Spectre asked, as he headed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the bedrooms, where his armor and other things were. He wasn't going to be fighting in Omega or anywhere in his best dress, he needed his Alliance issued clothing if he was going to go anywhere. His armor, now painted with the Spectre symbol as well, hadn't been worn much, only for the arena and that was it. He supposed that maybe all that training actually did him some good. If he could shoot the enemy when he was half in the bag, he could do it sober just as well.

Somewhere Zaeed had to be laughing at Kaidan for all of this.

"Yeah.” He continued, now mostly talking to himself, trying to convince himself of the plan and what they were doing, “Yeah, we can't...uh, go anywhere if we don't have any means to get to Omega. Are the relays even ready yet? It could take a while for us to get to Omega, unless you have some other plan...well of course you do, you're working with the Shadow Broker."

He was talking mostly to himself, trying to piece everything together as he got what he needed. He was a soldier at the end of the day, and he didn't need too much. He knew he was coming off a bit crazy, but it was because he was still trying to wrap his mind around everything. Kaidan hadn’t even noticed that Miranda had followed him up the stairs, and when she put her hand on his shoulder, he jumped.

"Kaidan, slow down!" Once she was sure she had his attention, she removed her hand and backed away. "I wouldn't have contacted you were things not ready for us. There's a ship waiting for us in the docking bay. The Sahrabarik relay is not operational yet, but we can get pretty close by jumping to one of the far Council systems. The trip from there would take about a week, if we're lucky." Miranda eyed him, and crossed her arms, "If we leave now, that gives you a week on board the ship to prepare, but we can wait, if that's what you want." Her gaze moved to his armor as she added. "However, with the way you're so quick to pull that back out again, I think you're ready to go now."

It was true. Maybe he was ready to go now. Everything had honestly made him finally feel like he had a reason to fight. He hadn't been like that in a long time, only moving around like he was just existing to _exist_ and there was nothing else left in him. The sushi place, Miranda telling him that Shepard might be alive, well it sort of lit something up in him he didn't think he had anymore. The fight. The desire to make things right, to get to the bottom of things.

Miranda was right, after all, they needed to go as soon as possible and he shouldn't be putting this off more than he needed to. Hell, Kaidan now had no good reason to hold back. What was left in the Citadel for him? Old memories in Shepard's apartment, and losing more money to James? Fighting with Jack, drinking with Joker? Those were all good things (minus the losing money part) but they didn't make him feel _alive_. The idea of a fight, of possibly saving Shepard for once? _That_ was a spark that he was missing.

Kaidan finally got out of his own thoughts and back to reality. Miranda had a ship. She had a plan. A week would be more than enough time to train if he just focused on doing nothing but that. "No, no, you're right. We should go now, I don't have anything here for me anymore anyway. Who's flying? Who's captaining it?" Kaidan was a soldier after all, he wasn't able to fly a ship and he certainly couldn't command people. He wasn't a captain, he wasn't a commander, he wasn't an admiral. Those were the people that Shepard and Anderson were, not him.

"Liara said it was a surprise," Miranda crossed her arms over her chest, frowning. "I don't like surprises. If I had to guess, we'll know him well. She wouldn't be so keen on surprising us if that weren't the case, don't you agree?"

Kaidan nodded. "Let me just finish gathering my things, my guns, and I'll be good to go," This was going to be worth it. He hoped.

"I'll be downstairs when you're ready." Miranda said, nodding, and left the room.

When Miranda said that she didn't like surprises, Kaidan felt he already knew who the pilot would be. Which of course, caused Kaidan to ask himself if he really was the only person that didn't know. Was everyone else just placating him about this whole ordeal, just to wait and see how he would take it, knowing the woman he loved, the woman he thought was dead, was actually alive? It was almost insulting. He would just have to push that out of the way, he would just need to take out that anger and aggression on fighting.

Miranda's way of being...calm was a little strange to Kaidan. He hadn't really worked with her in combat, but the fact that she seemed like she had no emotions at all was really alarming. Did she not care that their commander was alive, or did she just think this was just like any other mission? He wasn't sure how they would work on the battlefield -- if there even was one -- but he'd make it work. Somehow.

Pulling on his armor, the bigger guns and two changes of clothes went into the bag, the smaller guns were put on his person, and he headed down the stairs, surprised to see Miranda in her suit. Then again, he never really found what else was around this apartment, so he shouldn't have been that surprised. "Let's get going before anyone else is onto us. I want to get started, and I want to get training."

Miranda had noticed his surprise, "What? Did you think I would risk combat in that outfit? I kept some things in the spare bedroom, and it's a good thing I did. Perhaps Samantha can get use out of that dress." She took a few steps toward the door and turned back. "You didn't leave a note telling her where we're headed, did you? The less people know, the better."

Kaidan actually _laughed_ and shook his head, "No, I suppose you're right, just makes me realize that there was a lot in this apartment that I didn't know about. Makes me wonder what else was there right under my nose. I'm sure there was a lot of different things." Kaidan made a thoughtful, 'hmm' sound, as he finally reached the end of the stairs and followed Miranda towards the door. "Samantha might -- wait, what?"

He stopped and gave Miranda a look. "Why in hell would I leave a _note_ for her? Jesus Miranda, I really hope that was a joke, because I can't really tell with you. Either you trust me to help you, or you don't. Tell me which one it is right now, because I'm not going to waste my time watching the six of someone who won't watch mine."

He was getting incredibly frustrated with Miranda, how he thought she was good with him, and then turned around and made him think otherwise. Even though he did ask if she trusted him or not, he headed for the door anyway -- he decided he'd just go to Omega no matter what, with or without Miranda. If Shepard was alive, he wanted to know. He needed to know, now that Miranda had placed that hope in his head. "Let's just get to the docking bay, you can decide if you trust me when we get there."

Miranda looked at Kaidan, and sighed heavily. "I trust you, okay? Can we let this go and get out of here?"

Kaidan just rolled his eyes as he followed Miranda out of the apartment, waiting for the door to lock behind him before he fully started following her towards the transit hub. Yeah, he was angry right now, but it was a lot for him to take in. Miranda had this information about Shepard for a while, or so Kaidan assumed. She had time to let it sink in. He had no clue about any relationship that Miranda might have also had with the Commander, so in Kaidan's eyes, he was justified in being angry.

This was the second time Shepard died and the second time that she had come back, and the second time that Miranda seemed to have some part in it. He was starting to wonder if it was something against him. What did he do to deserve to always be the last to know? Was there something inherently wrong with him? He couldn't put his finger on it, and it was pissing him off. Something was rotten in the Citadel, and it wasn't all the fish.

Kaidan followed closely behind Miranda, watching her carefully as she moved ahead of him, and he was making sure to watch her six, and try to watch his own just in case (if he could). Being with Miranda on a ship for a week was going to be strange, especially if it was only going to be them and the pilot. He got to the destination with Miranda just as the cab pulled up, and Kaidan gestured for her to get in before him. "Ladies first.”

He portrayed a small smile on his lips, his attempt to try to be nice towards Miranda, and just get past everything just and just focus on the mission. That's what he'd have to do. His emotions and everything would have to come later, if at all, if he was capable of feeling them after this. He got into the cab after her, ready to just get going.

He wanted to shoot something. Preferably not Miranda, but if it came to it…that was a bridge he’d have to cross later.


	5. Miranda

They boarded the small ship that was to take them to Omega without much trouble, meaning either they had been paranoid or they’d managed to lose the interested parties tailing them. Miranda chose to believe the latter, as it gave her hope that their lead was solid, that Shepard was still alive.

After speaking with Joker and leaving Kaidan to his own devices, she retreated to her quarters. There was much to do, and she needed time to think. She needed to train, to prepare herself for what was coming, and she needed to make sure that she could rely on Kaidan. He was rusty from nights spent in the Citadel’s less savory gambling dens, or so she had been told. Miranda had to put faith in his love for their former commander and hope that it would be enough to motivate him.

They had a week’s time to prepare for Omega, as the state of the mass relays did not allow for direct travel. It was a blessing and a curse, at the same time. While it gave them time, it also meant it gave them less time. The lead could dry up in the time it took them to travel; hell, it could have already done so. They had no way of knowing. All they had was a picture, but it had to be enough. Shepard _had_ to be alive. Thought she’d had her chance and blown it, Miranda’s feelings for the her were still very much present, as much as she tried to fight them.

In her quarters, which she had made sure were private, Miranda gracefully laid back on the bed, eyes closing as her thoughts drifted to her former lover.

_”I don’t know what this is. If this is… stress, or just blowing off steam.. or -”_

_Miranda was interrupted by Jennifer. “I care about you, Miranda, and I think you care about me.”_

_She moved to the window, eyes looking into the vast blackness of space as she tried to process everything going through her head. She could sense that Shepard had followed and was close behind her. Miranda didn’t look at her._

_“This is no time for emotional entanglement,” Miranda argued as she threaded her fingers through her hair, looking visibly conflicted about her feelings for the commander._

_She turned to look at the red-headed woman standing before her, letting out a heavy sigh before resuming her speech. “You and I know more about the Collectors than anyone. We know how unlikely it is that we’re coming back alive.”_

_She moved to sit on her bed, her eyes sharply focused on the green ones staring back at her. “What idiotic bunch of hormones thought that now was a great time for love?”_

_“Who said anything about love? I’m just trying to get you into bed,” retorted Shepard with a raised eyebrow, which roused a laugh in Miranda. “You ass.”_

_The conversation turned serious, and Shepard eyed her encouragingly. “Come on, Miranda. You want this.”_

_Miranda sighed, caving to her feelings, eyes welling up with tears as she spoke, “Yeah… I do. So don’t die. Promise me, dammit.”_

_“I died once already. I don’t plan to do it again.”_

_Miranda stood, moving closer to the woman in front of her. “Good,” she whispered, closing the distance between them. Her eyes remained on Shepard’s, seeking permission to touch her lips to hers. She moved slowly, uncertain about taking this next step, until Shepard met her halfway and slammed her lips to Miranda’s._

_Miranda sighed, taking the feeling in the woman’s lips on hers. Without hesitation, her arms found their way around Shepard’s waist, pulling the commander’s body to hers. Shepard’s hands touched either side of her face, holding them together as her tongue trailed along Miranda’s lower lip, begging for entrance. Miranda obliged, meeting Shepard’s tongue with her own, deepening the kiss immediately._

Miranda sighed, visibly flustered as she was pulled out of her thoughts by a beeping sound. It was her comm, notifying her of a call. “Yes?” she answered.

The sound of Joker’s voice flooded the room. “Hey, Miranda. We’ve undocked from the Citadel and are en route to the mass relay. I’ll let you know when we’re on the other side.”

“Okay,” she answered simply before disconnecting from the call, her eyes falling closed as she leaned back on her pillow.

_”Shepard, it’s so good to see you,” she greeted as the woman she loved stepped toward her. Miranda could immediately sense something was off. The commander was fidgeting, pulling her arm to her and rubbing her shoulder awkwardly. “It’s good to see you, too, Miranda,” she said, though Miranda wasn’t sure if she believed it._

_She ignored the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, for now, and focused on catching up with her lover, former lover - she wasn’t sure which anymore. It had been a long time since they’d last been together._

_“I couldn’t get anywhere near you when the Alliance had you locked up,” she said, reaching out for Shepard’s hand, but Shepard flinched._

_“Relieved of duty. It was complicated,” she said, as if it were nothing._

_“I’m sure it was,” she agreed, trying not to let her confusion show. “I’m surprised they didn’t court martial you.”_

_The two women made small talk after that, all the while Miranda trying not to breach the subject that was so uncomfortable for them both. They talked about Earth, Miranda made an apology for not being there. The entire time, Shepard seemed distant, as if there was something she needed to say but didn’t want to._

_Eventually, she had to ask. She couldn’t take it any longer. “Shepard, am I still part of your plan?” She paused, looking down at her feet, already knowing the answer. “It’s been so long, I wasn’t sure where we stood.”_

_“We… need to stay focused on the war… and survival,” replied Shepard blanky, yet Miranda could hear a sense of regret underneath the mask the commander was wearing. Still, those words were all she needed to hear, but still the commander kept talking. Her face fell, heart breaking inside of her chest as the woman tried to let her down gently. “We can’t go back to what we were.”_

_“Of course,” Miranda said, a little too quickly. She lifted a hand to brush a strand of hair out from her face and nodded. “I… understand. You’re right to be cautious.”_

_“I’m sorry, Miranda.”_

_She turned away from her then, fighting back the tears begging to stream down her face. Her voice was shaky, but she managed to control it. It helped not looking at the woman who had just ripped her heart out. Still, part of her understood why they couldn’t continue on. “It’s done,” she said firmly, willing her to stop talking, to stop rubbing salt in her already open wounds._

_“Okay.”_

_“Look, it was great to see you, but I should get going,” she replied, turning her head slightly to face Shepard, a single tear slipping down her cheek as her facade started to crumble._

_Shepard followed to catch up. “Are you sure?”_

_“Yes, I’ve got some personal matters to attend to,” she lied and continued walking, desperate to remove herself from this situation before her mind exploded._

_“Stay in contact,” Shepard called out from behind her._

_Miranda held back a laugh. After that, she wanted to be friends? She knew deep within her heart she could never truly let go of Jennifer Shepard. “I’ll try,” she said, actually meaning it. If she could not have Shepard in her life romantically, she would try to make a friendship work. It would be hard, after opening herself up in that way, but she would try. It was all she could do. But not yet, she needed time, and she had bigger matters to worry about. Oriana was her top priority, regardless of how she was feeling._

_She stepped into the elevator, unsure of where she was going, but she knew she needed to get as far away from Shepard as possible._

The comm buzzed again, though this time Miranda was glad for it. “What is it, Joker?” she answered. He notified her that they’d made it through the relay and that, as she already knew, they would arrive on Omega in just under a week. She thanked him, and he made a joking remark about Kaidan, which caused her to laugh. “Goodbye, Joker,” she said before disconnecting.

It was then that she realized the thing that bothered her most about Kaidan was not his rusty skilset, or even his drinking problem. It was that he had ultimately been the reason for Shepard to end things with her. If it had to be anyone, she was glad it was him. It made her feel less worthless. On some level, she could see the appeal, though that had nothing to do with the man on the ship with her now and more with what she’d heard from others about his resolve.

On the bright side, she had been able to put her feelings aside and resume a friendship with Commander Shepard, though it had taken almost dying at the hands of Kai Leng and being saved by her to do that. Despite everything, Shepard had cared enough to warn her, to offer her assistance regardless of their personal situation. For that, she would forever be grateful, and it was why she was so determined to return the favor.

She thought back to Shepard inviting her to her new apartment, one that Anderson had given her, and how she hadn’t passed up the chance to check in on her. Despite her own feelings, she cared for the commander and wanted her to be okay. It had gone surprisingly well, and they’d talked for hours about nothing in particular. Miranda’s feelings had still been present, the hurt and the love alike, but she’d pushed them aside, wanting more than anything to have her friendship despite everything within her telling her no.

Not long after their night in, Miranda had decided to mix things up and invited Shepard for a girl’s night as soon as she was on the Citadel again. She had not expected Shepard to accept, but was pleasantly surprised when she had.

They had met at the Silver Coast casino, both dressed nicely in formalwear, Miranda in a long red dress and Shepard in her N7-embroidered black dress. ‘Typical’, she remembered thinking upon seeing the commander.

Miranda smiled to herself as she reflected back on the encounter.

_“Cute outfit, Shepard,” Miranda greeted, offering a smile. “Thanks,” was the commander’s casual response._

_“Thought we might try a night out.. I was going to suggest my favorite sushi place, but it seems they’ve shut it down,” she commented._

_Shepard turned red in the face. “That’s… a shame.”_

_Miranda’s eyes grew wide, her tone full of shock as she exclaimed, “Shepard, you didn’t!”_

_“I did. Fell right through the fish tank.”_

_“How did you manage that?” Miranda asked, her curiosity peaked._

_“It… exploded,” Shepard defended, obviously embarrassed._

_Miranda looked amused momentarily before shaking her head._

_“It was the clone’s plan, not mine,” the redhead insisted._

_“Blowing up a fish tank shouldn’t be part of anyone’s plan,” she mused, a smirk creeping onto her lips as she spoke. “Although executing marine life seems to be some sort of hobby with you. No wonder your clone couldn’t resist.”_

_Miranda walked over to the roulette will and placed a bet. Shepard followed, smiling at her. “It looks like you have a chance to catch your breath,” she said._

_“I do. Just.. not used to it,” she admitted as the wheel spun. “I’m kind of lost. It’s sad, really.” With her eyes on the wheel, she continued, “I figured we needed a break, some time out, as friends.”_

_“I have to say I’m surprised,” admitted Shepard._

_“I thought you might be. I can be… severe, and with what happened, I didn’t know if I could forgive you, but I am trying to,” she said, turning to the commander and forcing a smile. “Consider this an attempt at being normal.”_

_The wheel stopped, landing on a number she hadn’t chosen. “Damn, I’m not very good at this, or being normal, really,” added Miranda, smile fading to a frown as she shook her head._

_Shepard laughed, “I get it. We just need practice. Maybe we could talk, about… stuff, shoes or something.”_

_Miranda eyed the commander, brow raised. “That’s not really our style, is it?”_

_“No, I guess not. We’re not girly girls, are we?”_

_She laughed and shook her head. “No, we can’t pretend to be anything other than troubleshooting space divas.”_

_“You know that does sound pretty cool,” Shepard said, leaning against the roulette table. Miranda nodded in agreement. “It does.”_

_“Let’s quit worrying and enjoy ourselves, at least ‘til we run out of credits,” Shepard said, a hint of excitement in her tone._

_“Right. Need more wine,” Miranda replied sternly, eyes on the roulette table once more as she placed another bet._

_“Now you’re talking.” Shepard stopped a passing waiter, motioning to Miranda as she said, “Waiter, space diva needs more wine.”_

_“Oh, god. I’m gonna regret this,” Miranda said, rubbing the top of her head with her palm.  
_

Miranda was smiling when she was pulled from her thoughts, this time by a knock on her door. “Come in,” she said, putting on her best pleasant, _I’m not annoyed that you’re interrupting my alone time_ voice. 

She sat up on the bed, throwing her legs over the side so that she could stand. Kaidan entered. “Do you need something?” she questioned.

The spectre lifted a hand to run through his hair. “No… yeah, do you want to spar?”


	6. Kaidan

Getting on the ship, that was easy. Hell, even seeing Joker at the helm was no surprise, though it still bugged Kaidan that he seemed to know more about the mission (or pretended to) that Kaidan seemed to. He'd have to have a word with Liara the next time he saw her -- if there was one thing Kaidan Alenko hated; it was being kept out of the loop. He had been taken by surprise on Horizon before, and he had vowed that he would never be in that situation again, and he had been surprisingly good at achieving that.

Until now. Now, he'd just have to tuck his tail between his legs and get over it, or it was going to be a very long trip. Of course, it was going to be a very long trip anyway. With FTL not working as it used to, they were back to spending a week getting to one relay, and a week could be a long time if he was left alone with his thoughts.

Kaidan ended up sharing stories with Joker, catching up with him (and dodging demands to pay up on the bets that he lost, that was for another time) before he headed to his quarters. This wasn't the Normandy, and it never could be -- the Normandy held too many good and bad memories to ever fully be recreated. The Normandy was more than a ship; it was almost a part of life that Kaidan didn't know he missed so badly.

As much as he didn't want to dwell on the past that was exactly what he was doing. He didn't need to be in the old ship to know that he carried everything with him these days, and that all weighed heavily on his shoulders. It was what drove him to drink a little heavier, gamble, and spend most of his time trying to fight off his frustrations in the arena. There was a time and a place for giving up and moving on but Kaidan had never fully achieved that. He was a man who was riddled with the sometimes pathetic notion of hope, and it was that one emotion that seemed to always be his undoing.

Once he reached his quarters, he looked out the window at the vast space that surrounded their ship. It wasn’t like the windows of the Normandy, but it was something. Of course, it would never be quite like the real thing.

_”Kaidan?” Jennifer Shepard asked as she walked into the room, drawing Kaidan’s attention to her. He had been leaning on the window, looking out to the stars and planets around them – the ones he could see and the ones that he couldn’t but he knew they were out there. He cleared his throat as he turned around._

_“Shepard. Uh, hey. How are you?”_

_She seemed stressed out, she seemed lost, and Kaidan watched her carefully as she walked over to him, and took a seat on one of the couches in the observatory that faced the window. She seemed a lesser version of herself, but one Kaidan still knew and loved. He knew that face. He knew those reactions. “Do you ever wonder if what we’re doing, if it’s worth it?”_

_Perhaps he didn’t know this part exactly. This was new. “Well, I think everyone knows what we’re fighting for now, everyone is fighting for the same thing—“ He started as he walked over to her, sitting next to her, and she interrupted._

_“I meant us. Being together. Is it worth it?” Her voice seemed to break a little as she spoke, and Kaidan was quick to wrap an arm around her shoulders._

_“Yes. It is worth it.” He said, with confidence and all the strength that he had._

_“Why?” She asked, looking up at him, brushing her hair behind her ears as she spoke._

_Kaidan shrugged, “Because we’re fighting for our future together, Shepard. We’re…there has to be something more than the life we’ve been living because we deserve so much more than what we have.” He raised a hand, a finger tracing her cheek, before he cupped her chin in his hand, “Because I love you, and because I lost you once and I refuse to ever lose you again.”_

_Jennifer seemed to accept that as an answer, as she smiled softly, and Kaidan dipped his head to catch her lips with his, kissing her passionately to prove his point. The kiss didn’t last long until she had shifted to straddle Kaidan’s lap, his hands moving under her shirt, fingers relishing in the cool touch of her skin and--_

Kaidan’s omnitool flashed, shocking him out of his daydream and he cleared his throat, as he sat down on his bunk. A message from Samantha popped up, demanding to know what was going on, where he went, and why couldn’t he leave any more information? Frustrated, he told her what he could tell her. Just that he had something come up, it was important, and she didn’t need to know any additional information. She didn’t accept this as an answer.

Eventually Joker’s voice came over the intercom, “Uh, Kaidan? Why is Traynor telling me that I’m a filthy liar that she could destroy with a toothbrush? Does she know that toothbrush thing only worked once?”

“Just…sorry Joker, just ignore her, okay?” Kaidan sighed, turning off the intercom before sending a quick letter to Samantha, _I swear this is all I can tell you right now, I’m okay. I’m in…well I’m in okay hands? Decent hands. Let’s go with decent. I’ll be fine_. Despite the fact that Samantha and Kaidan never talked much while they were roommates together they were still looking out for each other. It was more than what Kaidan could say Miranda had. As far as Kaidan knew, Miranda Lawson had absolutely no one. Maybe that was why she had come to him – she knew there was no one she could turn to.

That had to be a sad existence to have.

After an hour, Kaidan was finally able to get Samantha leave him alone, and once again he was alone in his room.

It still struck him as odd that Miranda had come to him for help – yes, he was the last person to really be with Shepard, running with her towards the end until Jennifer sent him back on the Normandy, but did Miranda really want Kaidan’s help? Or was it to just see if he could get himself back in the game? Kaidan knew Liara well enough, and he knew she’d do anything she could to get Kaidan to realize he was a better person than he currently thought he was – something Jennifer did quite a lot.

_There was one thing that Kaidan never could forgive himself for, and it was his treatment of Shepard on Horizon. He had written her letters, he had written letters that he had sent and there were countless more that he didn’t send, and those were the worst ones of all. He thought he could spend the rest of his life apologizing for how he treated her, and he had been determined to do so._

_When he awoke at Huerta Memorial to see Jennifer sitting next to him waiting for him to wake up, it was honestly a surprise. Had he really deserved to have her by his side after everything? He had thought he lost her, he had seen her get spaced. Seeing her as Cerberus, it didn’t seem right. Now, seeing her back with the Alliance? Seeing her alive, and being a part of her crew? It had been a lot of emotions that he hadn’t been prepared for._

_“Shepard? I…”_

_Jennifer smiled softly, placing her hand over Kaidan’s, “It’s okay. I’m here.”_

_“No, I,” He struggled to sit up, but managed to do so slightly, inhaling sharply, “I want to apologize.”_

_“Apologize for what? You didn’t know she was a robot…”_

_“For Horizon,” Kaidan managed to get out, and Jennifer looked away from Kaidan for a moment, but she squeezed his hand lightly._

_Kaidan heard her soft sigh, and watched her as she looked back up to him, “You don’t have to. I would have reacted the same way.”_

_“Shepard, you don’t know that. Nothing…nothing was right in how I acted. But I just want you to know that…” He coughed and Jennifer nodded, but she didn’t interrupt him, “There was never anyone else for me. I tried. I went on a few dates, but no one held a torch to you.”_

_Jennifer’s smile faded slightly, though it had been a sudden change, and was gone as soon as it had happened. “Kaidan…”_

Kaidan closed his eyes, sighing deeply. He ran a hand through his hair before unceremoniously letting his hand drop to his knee. He couldn’t dwell on the past. Yes, he had his demons, but he was working past them. He had gotten past Shepard. He had moved on. Or, he had lied to himself, letting himself feel as though he had been _ready_ to move on when he had been anything but.

Maybe Miranda sensed that.

Maybe Kaidan was giving her a little too much credit.

That had to be it. There was no way that Miranda knew Shepard better than he did. He had spent years with her before Miranda even showed up. Yes, Miranda had ‘rebuilt her’ or whatever Cerberus did, and Kaidan was still strange around Miranda for that, but Jennifer was so very much still _her_ that it all seemed okay in the end. Miranda didn’t know what it was like to be with Shepard on an intimate level as Kaidan had. He knew more of the Commander than anyone else did, and that was why it had been so hard to let her go.

So when he had gotten Jennifer back the first time, when he finally realized it was her that he was with, that had been it. She had always been enough for him.

_Kaidan couldn’t help but laugh after, once their breaths had calmed down, their chests were not rising and falling as hard as they were, once they weren’t screaming out each other names in ecstasy. Though he had to admit, he’d give everything to hear Jennifer moan his name again just as she had moments before, and the thought of it just served to get him excited all over again._

_Jennifer noticed this and laughed, “Already? Kaidan!”_

_“What!” He protested, laughing, as he grabbed at her and pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her, “It’s not my fault you’re so irresistible.”_

_“I think you’re just a horny bastard.”_

_“I’m your horny bastard, I think, Commander.”_

_“Damn fucking straight you are,” she grinned, her nose scrunching up slightly as she did so. Her hair fell from behind her shoulders, the ends brushing against Kaidan’s chest, and he pulled her down closer to him, catching her in an inviting kiss. She seemed caught up in it until she laughed and pushed away, “I know what you’re doing!”_

_“Do you?” He laughed, his right hand trailing down her bare arm onto her bare back, fingers tapping little beats on her lower back. He watched her facial features for a moment, memorizing the pink in her cheeks, the way she smiled at him, the look in her eye she had when she looked at him. This was love. This was coming home and never wanting to leave again. This was everything Kaidan never knew he wanted, and now that he had it, he would never let it go. He’d never let her out of his sight again._

_“What?” She asked, biting her lower lip, “You’re staring at me.”_

_Kaidan brought his hand back to her face, his thumb tracing over her lips, “I’m just lucky I have you,” he said, and Jennifer grinned, and then pinched his arm._

_“Don’t get all sappy on me!”_

_Kaidan laughed, “Then you want me to get rough with you?” He grinned deviously and flipped her on her back, getting on top of her, kissing her hard, his hands--_

“Kaidan, it’s ready now!” The intercom came back on, and Kaidan groaned, muttering under his breath. He cleared his throat, looking at the intercom on the wall.

“Joker…what are you talking about?”

“You asked me to let you know when that gym was ready for you, just got word that it was.”

“Oh…uh…thanks.”

“Yeah, don’t go thanking the messenger or anything, I’m only doing what you asked. Jesus.” The intercom clicked off and Kaidan stood up, and stretched his arms over his head.

He wasn’t getting anything done by thinking of the past, he had to focus on the future if he was going to help Shepard at all. If he was going to prove himself again, he had to focus. So if this meant the gym, then so be it.

Of course, he was never one to want to fight alone, especially when apparently being left alone with his thoughts was only serving to confuse him and make him just want to live in the past permanently. Sighing, Kaidan adjusted himself, getting more comfortable and stretched a bit before allowing himself to leave his quarters. That was the last thing he needed to be teased about.

Eventually and before he knew it, he was bounding down the hall to where Miranda was, and reluctantly knocked on her door a few times until it opened. ““Do you need something?” she questioned. Kaidan watched her for a moment, wondering if he was interrupting something, but thought better of asking that question.

Sighing, Kaidan lifted a hand to run through his hair. “No… yeah, do you want to spar?” The look on Miranda’s face was one of confusion, but he didn’t care. “Come on, you want me to prove that I’m good enough to fight, then let me prove it to you.”

Much to his surprise, she agreed.


	7. Miranda

They had not been on the ship more than a few hours, and already Kaidan was wanting to train. Needless to say, Miranda was impressed, but she did not let on. She kept a cool demeanor and allowed all of her thoughts of Shepard to fade to the back of her mind. The motivation was there, and that was all she needed.

“Good to know you’re eager to prepare,” Miranda commented as they entered the meager shuttle bay, which would also serve as their training area.

“It’s Shepard,” was Kaidan’s simple response.

So he didn’t want to talk. Miranda was fine with that. The more they could focus on the mission, the better off they would be. Without hesitation, Miranda threw her fist in Kaidan’s direction, indicating that she wasn’t one for talking either. She managed to catch him off guard and hit him square in the jaw.

To Miranda’s surprise, Kaidan smiled and immediately took stance for hand-to-hand combat. The guns, the biotics, it would all come later. This was about blowing off steam, and after her daydreams, Miranda would not deny herself the pleasure of doing so.

He caught the next punch with his hand and retaliated with one of his own. Miranda ducked to avoid it and sent her knee forward to get him to release his grip on her fist.

She moved with elegance, something she attributed to her genetics (as she always did), but Kaidan eventually landed a few hits, which was a pleasant surprise. Miranda managed a smile as she wiped blood away from her torn lip.

After that, they went back and forth for another hour, until they were both breathing too heavily to stand. “I needed that,” Miranda said simply, once she was certain there wouldn’t be another punch coming. Kaidan nodded and walked away without another word, so Miranda turned and did the same.

**FOUR DAYS LATER**

As much as it had surprised Miranda, the past few days had gone by without any major issues. According to Joker, they were two days out from Omega, and the ship was doing as best as a ship that isn't the Normandy can do (his words, not hers). The ship they were on was quite a bit smaller than the Normandy, but it was just as capable. Liara wouldn't have sent them on such a critical mission in a subpar ship. The crew was small and, aside from Joker, Kaidan and herself, consisted of three others. Everyone kept their noses out of her and Kaidan's business (everyone but Joker, obviously), which gave them the privacy to properly train. After their sparring session the first day, things had started to run smoothly.

In the few days that they had been working together, Miranda began to see why she had been ordered to recruit him. When he put his mind to it, he was quite capable, especially considering the limitations that his implant caused. He did well in combat, and their biotics seemed to mesh well together. She was quite impressed with his progress. It helped that most of the ship's supply of alcohol was safely kept in her quarters and that the ship was too small to fit a casino.

On top of that, the two of them were getting along. They stayed out of each other's way when they needed to do so and trained well together otherwise. Miranda knew having Joker onboard was helping Kaidan ease back into things. She had caught them sitting on the bridge together, reminiscing about their loves lost, Kaidan with a drink in hand Miranda had let it slide, as she could tell it was aiding in his performance during their training. Each morning, he had been prompt and ready to go. It seemed his military training was still with him.

What surprised Miranda the most was that she was coming to respect Kaidan, and she had been getting the impression that the respect was mutual. He seemed less angry than he had when they had first encountered one another on the Citadel. Joker had made an off-handed comment that Kaidan was acting like his old self again. Miranda knew that she was getting to know the person Kaidan actually was and not the facade he put up. He had been… nice. He complimented her, told her she was good at what she did. Occasionally, Miranda couldn’t help but think he was checking her out. She was used to being looked at in that way, as being genetically altered to be the perfect woman did have an affect on men, but seeing Kaidan do it surprised her. It was likely harmless, though, as anything else would complicate matters. They needed to focus on the task at hand, which was preparing for whatever Omega might throw at them.

With all of the hard work they had both been putting in, a bit of fun was much needed to ease the tension she knew they were both feeling. On top of the intense training, they were dealing with the stress of what ifs surrounding Shepard. They needed a distraction.

And so on the fourth day of their training, Joker convinced her to challenge Kaidan to a friendly wager. To keep things fair, he also delivered the terms. Should Kaidan manage to hit 10 targets in a row with head shots, they would all sit down for a poker match after dinner that evening. Should he fail, he would have to finish Miranda's paperwork so that she could relax and do some much needed reading. They hadn't done much work with firearms, so Miranda was certain that Kaidan was too out of practice to win the bet.

It had not taken much convincing for Kaidan to agree to the wager. After all, a little healthy competition would be good for morale. Also, it was a good way for both of them to prove to the other what they were capable of. 

Miranda stood back, confident, as Kaidan took aim at the targets. One by one, he hit each one right between the eyes. Her jaw dropped in shock. With each successful hit, Miranda’s mouth fell further open. The only one who saw that reaction was Joker. By the time Kaidan had taken his final shot, she was composed, though she could not be sure he hadn’t seen a brief hint of surprise cross her features.

Of course, she was internally furious. It wasn't about him hitting the targets. That was helpful to their mission; she needed to be able to rely on him should things get messy. Miranda prided herself in having a keen sense of judgment, and she absolutely hated that she had missed something so pivotal. It didn't sit well with her. She could only assume that he had spent quite a bit of time at the Silversun Strip’s combat arena, something that had not been mentioned on her dossier. The thought had crossed her mind that Liara had done that on purpose as some form of a test.

She did not let her feelings show on the matter - at least not while Kaidan and Joker were within earshot. During her post-training shower, she may or may not have let out a scream or two. She made sure to turn her music loud so that no one could hear her venting her frustrations.

Once dinner was over with, Miranda begrudgingly set up the table in the mess for a night of poker. She knew, deep down, a little fun was much needed, but she refused to admit that just yet.


	8. Kaidan

Dinner finished and the table set up, it was time for some much needed games. Poker to be exact - a favorite of Kaidan’s these days.

Most of the crew opted out, so it ended up being Miranda, Joker and Kaidan and enough alcohol to bring down a Krogan (maybe even two). Since Joker had to fly the ship, he didn't drink, nor did he stay very long. After a couple of hands of reminiscing about the good old days, the pilot was back at the helm, leaving Miranda and Kaidan on their own, both of them already having had a couple of drinks.

"This hardly compares to reading a good book, but I'm enjoying myself," Miranda admitted.

Kaidan nodded his head, his arm resting on the empty chair next to him, focusing his attention to Miranda on his left. "Sometimes interaction is better than a book, you know? Yeah, it's just...you know, better.” He grinned. He was far more relaxed now than he was before.

Hell, he was even enjoying her company. Maybe even oddly enjoying the view, but he wouldn't admit to that.

"Depends on the interaction, I suppose." Miranda leaned back in her chair and gave a quick smirk, one that Kaidan might have missed if he’d blinked, as she made eye contact with him. "I haven't figured out if this is better just yet." After a beat of silence, Miranda spoke again. "You may have pulled those shots off, but I am going to wipe the floor with you now that Moreau's out of the way."

Kaidan couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him just then. "Right. I don't think you realize what I've been doing on my free time, didn't Liara tell you this?" He shuffled the cards and dealt them out. "But be my guest, try to beat me at my own game, I'd _love_ to see you try. But I think tonight I'm going to end up the winner, Miranda."

He watched as Miranda took the cards he dealt into her hand and gave looked them over. Her facial expression didn't change. It seemed that she had an exceptional poker face, and Kaidan knew that was going to make it more difficult to read her. "Liara mentioned the gambling, but the dossier said one James Vega always walks away with all of your credits. That I definitely don't understand." Miranda laughed and shook her head. "Am I to assume we have another wager? Not credits, of course. Think outside the box."

Kaidan couldn’t help but smirk as Miranda suggested the wager change. There were a lot of ways this could go, and with a few drinks in him, Kaidan’s mind was already spinning ideas. Was he hitting on her? Well maybe. They were making eye contact, they were drinking and laughing, and there was a bigger respect there between them that wasn't really there before. Plus, Kaidan was drinking, Miranda was attractive...yeah he was flirting with her. He couldn't really help it.

Miranda, well she was stunning, Kaidan was lonely, there were a lot of things going on right now, but most importantly he respected her. His anger towards her had dissipated and just moved towards focusing on the mission, getting himself ready, and proving to Miranda that he was more than ready to take this mission on and kick it in the balls. Was he really? Fuck yeah, he was ready, he fought the reapers, what could a few mercs on Omega do to him? If he got to see Shepard again...he'd do anything to get there.

"You know, the whole...spying on me thing? Getting really old really fast, you really shouldn't tell a guy that." Kaidan laughed, "I hope that's not how you pick up dates, that's just...you know, weird, you know?" He laughed again, grinning. Yeah, he was relaxed, and finally after all the drinks they had, they were finally hitting him a bit. He was feeling good. He was feeling relaxed.

It was the calm before the storm and he was going to enjoy it while he could. "And he never took all my credits, I won a few times! A lot of times actually, why didn't Liara and her agents tell you that, huh?" He raised an eyebrow towards her as he leaned forward, looking at his cards.

Kaidan cleared his throat, looking at his cards, debating the new wager, "All I have are the clothes off my back, so the only wager I can do is strip poker. Which, I'm assuming a respectable woman like you wouldn't be into such a thing though, am I right?" He meant it with the most respect, but also a bit of a challenge towards her as well. He proved he could shoot well and he could cover her six, so he was curious if she would take on his little challenge.

Not that he was trying to see her naked -- he wasn't, though it'd just be a nice benefit. It was to see if she'd step out of her comfort zone, if she was even capable of doing that.

Miranda went so far as to roll her eyes, which caused Kaidan to laugh as she spoke. "If you want to blame anyone for this so-called spying, it isn't me. All of my information came from Liara." Since they were having a good time, she decided to have a little fun of her own. "Besides, it isn't as if she's installed security cameras in your apartment. Definitely not your shower. Not that there would be much to see, hypothetically." She was joking, but humor had never been her area of expertise. Luckily, he knew that.

Miranda's attempt at a joke was cute -- it wasn't exactly funny, but she _was_ trying, so Kaidan laughed anyway, grinning, "Hypothetically. Wouldn't you really like to know, hmm?" He raised an eyebrow and leaned back in his chair a bit, setting his cards face down so it wouldn't reveal the hand he had. He thought they were pretty good, and he actually did have a good poker face, but he preferred the older method of just distracting the other person he was playing against.

It was true, a little harmless flirtation wouldn't hurt them, hell it might even help them along the way. If they were going to work together, they had to trust each other, and bonding was one of those ways they could make sure they did exactly that.

Whether or not it was the alcohol influencing her opinion, Kaidan was actually trying to make her want to laugh. Without his anger controlling him, most anything tended to roll off his back like it didn't bother him. This was one of the first actual conversations they had carried on that didn't involve combat tactics, and they both seemed to be enjoying it. At least, Kaidan hoped that found herself enjoying it.

A little harmless flirtation wasn't going to hurt. Right?

Kaidan watched as Miranda placed her cards face down on the table and stood up. She took a few steps and pointed her hand at a nearby wall. "If we're going to do this, I'd prefer no one be watching." She winked at whomever was on the other end (probably Joker) and threw an overload at the camera. There was a small explosion as the equipment fell to the ground, and she grinned as she walked back to the table to the sounds of Kaidan’s surprised laughing. "You better not have taken a peek at my cards, Alenko. That's fair grounds for an automatic loss."

As she sat down at the table, she eyed him with mock suspicion before reaching for her nearby glass of whiskey. She took a drink and placed it back down. Then, she picked her cards back up. "I do hope you're ready to lose."

Kaidan laughed harder when she said he was going to lose and he grinned from ear to ear, "Alright, okay, I see what you're getting at. Friendly wager between two people should stay as two people. Should I remove the hidden camera in the table then?" Which, of course there wasn't one, but he made a show of looking for one, when really he was also attempting to check her out, size up his competition, all of that. She was a good looking woman, and that was going to make things distracting if she lost a hand and then lost her shirt. He'd have to keep his cool, and well Kaidan wasn't known for his subtly around women.

Or men...or steak...but that was besides the point right now.

"Ready to lose?" He scoffed, followed by a short laugh, "Please, Miranda you can't make me lose even if you threw warp at me. You're going down, and you know it." He looked at his cards again, "Alright, I wager my shoe. Let's start small, keep you clothed for a bit."

"Someone's overly confident, aren't they? I mean, going so far as to bet your shoes. That can't bode well for your hand." She eyed her cards again, even though she had them memorized in her head. "However, I will call your ridiculous excuse for a bet. I can’t wait to see you lose, it would clarify some of the extranet rumors. Would you believe some people actually think you have the Canadian maple leaf tattooed on your ass?"

“I'm wagering my shoe because I don't want to wager your shirt on the first round, I figured I'd let you lose your way up to that." Kaidan shot back with confidence and a grin, "And hell, I might actually have a tattoo, though it’s not a leaf, and it's certainly not on my ass. It's a steak, and it's over my heart." He said, raising an eyebrow and laughing shortly there after.

"You don't have to be gentle, Alenko." Miranda flashed him a wink. "I know my way around a deck of cards." Her eyebrow raised at the thought of a steak tattoo over his heart, and she let out a sigh of disappointment. "The maple leaf was more attractive."

He dealt out the next card, and then the river. "I raise." He said, looking at her, his face not giving anything away, though he was feeling pretty confident that he could win this hand. He was surprised that Miranda was actually willing to play this game, and to the terms he suggested. He figured she'd want to change it to them using drinks instead of credits, or food instead of credits, or even bullet shells instead of credits, but he was pleasantly surprised that she jumped on his challenge. Still, the playful tone Miranda had with him was not something he forgot very easily, and was interested to see if she would use it more. Of course any comments he had made about her body, well he didn't know much about her modifications, so they were meant as pure compliments, and he only hoped she could see it that way. Or, you know, she'd burn him alive if he made more comments the rest of the night.

"Alright, you ready?" Kaidan said as he placed the last card on the river and then threw his cards down, "Two pair," he said as he put the cards down, showing the two face cards that he had. It was weird to play with cards when he was so used to the electronic stuff at the casino but it was a really nice change. It reminded him of being back on the Normandy, playing with Joker and James, chatting with Shepard as she came by to check on him -- thus distracting him and making him lose all his money. Miranda could be just as distracting as Shepard, he thought, as he waited for her to put her cards down. He was feeling pretty good, but then again who knew what Miranda had up her sleeves. She was a woman who was full of surprises, that was for sure.

"Show 'em, Miranda!" He laughed, "Come on, let me see how bad I beat you."

Kaidan’s beaming pride of confidence came crashing down as he saw that Miranda was finding it hard to keep from laughing, but it wasn't enough to keep her from slamming her cards down on the table in triumph. "Three of a bloody kind, Alenko." As she began to gather up all of the cards, she looked straight into his eyes and asked, "Surprised?" She started to shuffle the cards. "Well, I think someone needs to lose a shoe. And what was that about a raise? Does that mean both shoes go, or did you raise a shirt? I'm not sure how that part works."

Well then.

Kaidan’s brow furrowed. It was a good thing he was raising another shoe, because he would have been fucked otherwise. It wasn't the best hand, and he knew that, but he wasn't about to back down from a card game, especially with the only other person he knew on the ship other than Joker -- and someone had to be piloting this thing. Though, it made him miss the Normandy a lot, but it was understandable why they couldn't use it, people were bound to know something was up if they just drove off with it. That and he was pretty sure Hackett wouldn't let it out of his sight now, now that it was all anyone had left of memories of Anderson and Shepard (until they found Shepard, that was).

Kaidan just shrugged when he saw that he lost the hand, and took off his boots, tossing them to the side. He still had socks, if he needed to he'd do those next. "Shoes, there are two, that's why I raised them." Was he disappointed he lost the hand? Yeah, he was, but that's how it was. Were they going to fold if they had crap cards? Or were they just going to play each hand? It looked as if they'd play, and well he'd try to..win. Goddammit, he was hating Vega right now.

"Well, I am glad you know not to bite off more than you can chew." Miranda figured she probably had done just that in agreeing to play with him, but as long as he didn't gloat about his victories to the point of making her want to kill him, she would be a good sport about it.

"You got lucky, Lawson," He said, raising an eyebrow, "that was just the warm-up round." He looked at the cards she dealt him, and knew these ones were better than the last, or at least he hoped they were better than hers. If he lost again, he'd just give up and call it a night, claim he was 'tired', he had taken enough blows to his ego, he didn't need more. Not when things were going so well and he was getting back to the person he used to be -- being able to focus on a mission was good, it was better than wallowing in doubt and depression knowing that once again he couldn't save the person he had loved. "What's your wager, hmm? Got a tattoo you want to show off?"

"Well, I could bet my own shoes, but what would you sacrifice? Your socks? Is that how this works?" Miranda asked, curious. "No folds, right? There are only two of us, so that would make this go on all night. Not that I would mind that, but there are other things we could be doing with our time," she said, the last part of her statement sounding more flirtatious than the rest of it.

Kaidan blinked when he heard her tone.

Was that right?

Kaidan looked at his cards and looked back at Miranda. He was actually having fun tonight, something he hadn't had in a while. The last time that the really truly had fun was right before they all went back to London, to take back Earth. Just another adventure on the Citadel, stopping a clone, but being with those he had called his friends and his family for the past however many years, it was great to be with them all. Hell, even Wrex didn't get on his nerves as much as he did when they first met, and Kaidan sure as hell wasn't as scared of the Krogan as he had been before. The party that they all had, where Kaidan spoke with Miranda and danced around with her, when he woke up with Jennifer in his arms, it was one of the best times he had in a long time. The rest of it, what came after, wasn't. Losing Jennifer, losing parts of himself, it wasn't fun. But right now, Kaidan was having fun, he felt good, he felt alive, and that wasn't something he was going to take for granted.

Still, Miranda's tone when she spoke, when she finished what she was saying, caused him to raise his eyebrows. "Oh, really, and what exactly might that be?" Kaidan said with a small scoff and a laugh, though he knew what she could be referring to, and if he was a blushing man, he would have done it right then. Well, Miranda was certainly filled with surprises that Kaidan wasn't always prepared for, but he liked it. That also surprised him. "Alright, fine, no socks then. I wager my shirt," He said with a grin, and leaned forward, knowing what he had in his hand was good, and that the river could only make it better. "We can up the stakes, sure."

He dealt out the river, and looked at Miranda. "Well? What do you have?" He was going play it cooler this time around, or at least see what she had first before he so confidently put down his cards. He felt good though, and she wanted to up the stakes, so a shirt it was.

Miranda’s response to his question was silence and a coy smirk. "My shoes, your shirt." She was not about to match his bet, as she was fairly certain this hand was not going to go in her favor. "I wouldn't call this upping the stakes, but I think it will keep things from getting stale, don't you?"

"Only your shoes? Come on, that can't be fair, we have to wager what the other person wagers. Make it even." He said with an eyebrow raise, "You said it yourself, if we wager the little things, we'll just be here forever and not making any sort of progress, and there are better things we could be doing with our time."

Kaidan looked expectantly at her, and she let out a small sigh and placed her cards down on the table, face up. "I have a pair of threes, it looks like."

His eyes met hers for a moment as he downed the rest of the drink he had, and put down his cards, showing that he had a flush. "Give me those shoes then," Kaidan laughed, as he stood up and walked over to the mess hall area, getting the bottle of Peruvian Whiskey that was sitting there that they had been working on and brought it back over, with fresh glasses for them both. "You deal this time," He said as he poured them both a hearty glass and handed one over to her. "Let's up the stakes, we both have a win under our belt."

Miranda simply stared at him for a moment. "How does wagering what the other person wagers work? Once you've lost your shoes, I can't bet mine. Once I've lost my shirt, you can't bet yours. That hardly makes any sense. We would really be here all night, and that certainly wouldn't be any fun." She followed her words with a wink. Miranda had removed her shoes in time to look up and see Kaidan pouring their glasses, with his back turned to her.

"Thanks," she said when he handed her a fresh glass. Miranda took a long sip from it, assuming she would need it if this game was starting to heat up the way she felt it was, and placed it on the table. She grabbed all of the cards and gave them a quick shuffle before dealing them out. "All right, fair enough. It's lucky we're not in our armor. This wouldn't be fair at all if that were the case! Shirts this time, or are you going to go all-in on me?"

Once each of them had their cards, Miranda dealt the river and placed the remained of the cards to the side. There she was with the flirtatious tone and now the wink. If she kept this up, Kaidan was going to be losing hands really quickly.

Maybe that was just her plan, but Kaidan had no idea. When it came to women, he was weak, especially beautiful ones. But hey Miranda was funny too, as she was beautiful, and that was something that Kaidan didn't expect. Yeah, this flirting thing? It wasn't hurting anyone. At least, he didn't _think_ it was hurting anyone. It certainly wasn't hurting him, might eventually hurt his poker game, but that didn't matter as much.

He laughed as he sat back down, taking a drink from his glass before setting it down, glad he brought the bottle of whiskey over to the table. "Okay, both shirts this time, and I won't go all in, I promise. New rule, neither one of us can, so we really have no idea what the other has. Not that we do anyway, you know, but..yeah." He looked at his cards and looked at Miranda, trying to see if he could read her too, but he had no idea. "Let's do this." He wasn't sure if it was good if he won or good if he lost, he was just curious as to what was going to happen. His cards were okay, but they were easily beaten, so it would be interesting to see what she did.

She laughed at his words. "I accept this new rule. And the wager too, I suppose." With all of the cards on the table, she gave hers a proper look over as Kaidan tried to read her. Maybe she had a decent hand, but it was just as likely his was better. That was the problem with poker: the unknowns. She laid her hand on the table in an indifferent sort of manner. "Looks like I have three Kings. Show me what you have, Alenko."

Kaidan groaned, “Not even going to bother.” He threw his cards down face down, and grabbed the cards to shuffle them all. And then, he removed his shirt and tossed it on the floor next to their shoes. “Think you can handle me like this, Miranda?” Kaidan joked, “I could be a big distraction for you.”

God, why was he talking like this? Was it the whiskey? Though, that part didn’t matter much, as he just took another drink.

"Oh, I think I can manage," Miranda answered seductively in an attempt to turn the table on him, and dammit it was working slightly. "It's difficult to distract me from something I want." She grinned. Two could play at the distraction game, and Kaidan was starting to realize that he just might lose. “Deal us in, Alenko. What are we putting up this time?"

Kaidan wanted this to work in his favor -- at this point, he was going to lose clothing and he knew that. Hopefully Miranda would too, but he wasn't so sure on that. He was only human, and he was male, he couldn't help but want to see what Miranda had underneath those clothes of hers, but he wasn't stupid in thinking that they'd have something physical between them after this.

Flirtation was flirtation.

That was all this was, as there was no way someone like Miranda would even want to do anything physical with someone like him. It actually annoyed him that he was thinking about this, when _he_ was the one without a shirt on, and she was still clothed. Had it really been that long? Yeah, it had been.

Kaidan had to make sure he wouldn't let that little fact work against him.

He shuffled the cards again a few times before dealing them out between them, and he set the pack of cards down once they each had their hand. "I don't know, I'm the one who's a little cold at the moment," He laughed, trying his best to ignore the flirtatious tone she had in her voice, "It depends on what you are comfortable in losing. I don't have anything to hide, I'm completely comfortable in my own skin," He winked at her. Even if those words weren't true, it was all part of the little play they had going on now. "I'll let you call the shots on the bets, I'll just deal." He said, as he looked at the two cards he had and then put them back down after quickly committing them to memory. "So what will it be, Ms. Lawson?"

Miranda took a moment to look at her cards and put them back on the table. "If you're cold, I am sure there's something we can do to warm you up," she responded, finding it more and more difficult to avoid talking to him in a flirtatious manner.

Kaidan raised an eyebrow towards her, but couldn’t help the smirk on his lips. It seemed they had an act going, and he was surprised to find that he was enjoying it, that maybe she was enjoying it too.

"I have no issues losing anything I have on." Miranda smirked. "We're both mature adults, aren't we?” She paused, “I believe it will be my pants. Do you call, Mr. Alenko?" She leaned slightly back in her chair and focused her eyes on him, seemingly unable to wipe the smirk from her lips.

That was it.

Kaidan knew he was done for.


	9. Miranda

Though it had only been a week since Miranda and Kaidan departed the Citadel for Omega, it seemed as if it had been much longer. So much had happened in the small amount of time that they had been confined to the ship. The two of them had gone from being mere acquaintances with issues trusting one another to completely trusting each other. It had always been difficult for Miranda to trust others, and to know that she had done so with Kaidan so quickly and so willingly confused her. What was it about him that told her to trust him? Was it Shepard's willingness to do so? It was the only thing that made sense, until a few nights ago.

_Many hands of cards and rounds of whiskey later, Miranda and Kaidan could hardly call themselves dressed. They were both down to their undergarments, and Kaidan still held onto a sock. How he had managed that, she didn’t know. It was irrelevant. It was the last thing on her mind as she found herself being pushed roughly against the wall of the mess hall._

_Kaidan’s whiskey-covered breath was hot on her face as he looked at her, daring her to make the first move, eyes darting across her face and down to her barely covered breasts._

_She sucked in a breath of air. Her inhibitions had flown out the window many rounds of whiskey prior, and the heavy flirtation they had continually exchanged had her craving some form of human contact, something she hadn’t had since Shepard._

_She needed this. She needed him._

_And so her lips crashed against his, her leg lifting and gracefully winding its way around his waist, urging him closer. He obliged, and their lips tangled together, hands roaming, exploring new territory._

_As the kiss continued, she dared to nip at his lower lip, taking it between her teeth and sucking on it, her silent way of asking for more._

_She could have sworn she’d heard a growl rumbling in his throat, and, before she could react, his fingers were slipping between the thin fabric of her underwear. She moaned, a little too loudly, which was likely what caused Joker to buzz through on the intercom._

_The sound brought Miranda out of her moment of distraction, and her cheeks turned red once she realized what she had allowed herself to do. Her eyes avoided Kaidan’s as she assured Joker everything was fine._

_He accepted her answer and said his good nights. Once he was gone, Miranda couldn’t escape to her quarters fast enough. She muttered something to herself as she worked to collect her belongings, and, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kaidan doing the same._  
 _No matter how much she’d had to drink, she knew this could never happen. Not with so much at stake. She hurried from the mess with a rushed goodbye and locked the door behind her upon entering. She let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding and collapsed on the bed, begging sleep to take her before she did anything she might regret._

What had started out as a friendly wager had turned into something completely different. One minute, they had been playing a simple game of cards, with a little flirtation thrown in to try and throw the other person off their game. The next, he had her pushed against the wall of the mess hall, and they were kissing, going at one another like there was no tomorrow. Had it not been for Joker's well-timed interruption, she was unsure how far things would have gone, but she had a feeling they wouldn’t have stopped. The two had quickly gathered their things and went their separate ways, obviously embarrassed about what had happened, though Miranda had found herself thinking about it more than she should have after the fact.

Since then, things had been different. The working relationship they had formed was still there, but things seemed off. On her end, Miranda was conflicted about what had happened. Had it happened randomly or was there something more? Was it just the alcohol that had influenced her, or did she truly feel something for this man? It could easily have been her loneliness getting the best of her. She had only really gotten to know Kaidan in the past week, so she was unsure as to why things had escalated so quickly. Then again, she had developed feelings for Shepard almost instantly after she woke from death. The rejection had hit her harder than she imagined it would, but she had gotten past it and became close friends with her former commanding officer. She was conflicted because the same man she had kissed a few nights ago was romantically involved with Shepard at the time of her disappearance. It was almost too much to comprehend, and Miranda didn't want to think about it.

Omega was their priority, and, now that they were there, talking to Aria was the objective. Aria was the best way to get information on their lead. If someone looking like Commander Shepard was walking around this shit hole, she would know about it. She owed Shepard everything for helping her retake this place from Cerberus, so Miranda was confident she would help them to the best of her ability. The sooner they found Shepard, the better. Kaidan could get back to his life with her and stop being a drunken recluse with a penchant for gambling. Miranda could try and live her life, try not to focus entirely on her job and try to spend more time with her sister.

Of course, as she was notified they were docking on Omega, she could not help but think of what would happen if their lead were to go dry or they were to find Shepard's body at the end of this quest. It made her sick to think that Shepard might be gone, but that possibility was going to linger in her mind until they found her. Would Kaidan be able to live with himself if this was all for nothing? Miranda was unsure if she would be able to forgive herself for getting his hopes up. Though it wasn't entirely her fault, he had agreed to come with her and to trust her. That meant a lot to her. Her friends were few and far between these days.

They hadn't spoken about much in the past few days, so Miri was unsure just how Kaidan was feeling about everything. She knew where she stood in terms of the mission, but her heart was going so many different directions in regards to what had happened between them. She couldn't let that conflict interfere with the mission, though, so she knew she had to turn it off. She had to act like it hadn't happened so that she could do her job. What happened on the ship, stayed on the ship. But it wasn't that simple anymore. The journey had already been slated to be difficult, but this mistake was only going to make matters worse. It had been a mistake, right?

Miranda could not be sure, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was Shepard, and finding her. She would work through her own emotions after that was done.

She kept repeating that in her mind as they made the trek to Afterlife, Aria’s throne room, so to speak. Of course, Aria already knew they were there, and one of their thugs met them at the entrance. “Aria T’Loak wants to speak with you,” the krogan said, voice deep and demanding.

Miranda looked to Kaidan, eyebrow raised, and laughed, before turning her attention back to the krogan. “Good, we’ll follow you,” she answered, crossing her arms over her chest, eyes on the krogan like lasers. The krogan seemed surprised, intimidated even, but Miranda hid her smile. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the formings of a smirk on Kaidan’s lips, and she did her best to hide the shiver that sent through her body.

The krogan beckoned them forward, and Miranda followed, Kaidan right behind her. Her eyes darted around, glancing over every person they passed, looking for signs of Shepard and danger alike. She knew, without looking, that Kaidan was doing the same.

The brute led them through the buzzing club, to the VIP section high above the asari dancers and dancing patrons, where Aria T’Loak was sitting, legs apart, a crooked grin on her face. “A former Cerberus officer running with the second human Spectre. There’s a joke here, isn’t there?” she said, making no show of greeting them. “Sit.”

Miranda took a seat, and Kaidan followed suit, sitting down next to her. He kept his distance, which she noticed, though she didn’t speak of it. “I assume you know why we’re here?” Miranda said, getting right down to it. The asari nodded. “I do, and I can’t help you.”

Her brow furrowed, but before she could speak, Kaidan shouted, “Like hell you can’t! You’ve seen her.”

Aria grinned. “Calm your friend, Lawson. I don’t take kindly to threats.”  
Miranda narrowed her eyes, looking at Kaidan, and he calmed, though by the way his fists were clenched, this wasn’t over. “Have you seen her? This woman who looks like Shepard?”

“I have.”

“And?” Miranda asked, trying to suppress her impatience.

“Do something for me, and I’ll tell you what you need to know,” Aria answered.

Miranda stopped herself from rolling her eyes. After all, she had expected Aria needed a favor. “What?”

“The Blue Suns leader is getting greedy, doesn’t want to listen. Convince him that’s not in his best interest, and we’ll talk,” she said.

Before Miranda could answer, Kaidan did for her, “Okay.” This surprised her.

“Give us the coordinates,” Miranda added. “We’ll get it done.”

“Forwarding them to you both now,” said Aria, as she touched a few buttons on her omni-tool. Miranda heard two simultaneous beeps that indicated delivery, and she stood, motioning for Kaidan to follow.

“We’ll be back,” she said before walking past the krogan and down the stairs to exit the club. As soon as they were outside of Afterlife, Miranda turned to Kaidan. “I believe we have a shuttle to catch.”

Kaidan nodded. “Lead the way, Lawson.”

They followed Aria’s instructions and took a shuttle to the Blue Suns hideout, far away from the “safety” of Afterlife. She would have felt better having more backup, but Miranda had come to trust Kaidan enough to know they could get the job done.

Aria had given them a way in that would bypass most of the mercenaries, which would keep casualties to a minimum. It was a ventilation system and a tight fit for the both of them. They made it through without much problem, which had Miranda on guard as she jumped out of the shaft and waited for Kaidan to follow. When he didn’t, she grew worried.

“Kaidan?” she begged in a whisper, turning her comm on. After a minute, an embarrassed Kaidan replied, “Got stuck, had to turn around. You okay in there?”

Miranda fought a laugh, but a small giggle came out. “What now?”

“Go on ahead. I’ll wait for you. If I see trouble, I’ll get help.”

Miranda didn’t like the idea of going in alone, but she was in too far to fight now. “Okay, see you on the other side, Alenko.”

She continued on, sneaking through the shadows, glad she had opted to wear her black combat suit. She kept her pistol at the ready, just in case. Aside from one lazy Blue Suns member watching explicit videos on his omni-tool, who she disposed of easily, she ran into no one. That should have been a sign to turn back, to go back the way she came and find Kaidan. But, they had both agreed to see this through, as it was the only way they had to find Shepard.

They kept in contact over their communications system, Miranda notifying Kaidan of her status every few minutes. They made small talk as well, but the elephant in the room, that being their kiss, never came up. It was almost forgotten, it seemed, but Miranda hadn’t forgotten. She almost longed to do it again, but she would never admit that to anyone but herself.

_Stop it. He’s a distraction._ she told herself, as she moved silently through the compound. Eventually, she reached a central room, where the leader was walking around, arms behind her back - wait, her? “We have a problem, Kaidan. Aria lied -” Her words were cut off by a laugh. Miranda tensed as a blunt object slammed into the back of her head, the last thing she saw being familiar red tendrils of hair as she drifted into unconsciousness.


	10. Kaidan

While they headed towards the location Aria had given them, Kaidan fell a little behind Miranda, watching her six but also finding that he was just watching _her_. Which of course was a bad thing. A very bad thing.

Right?

Kaidan found it strange that he had to actually remind himself why he was here, and why Miranda had come to him in the first place: Jennifer Shepard. Shepard was the reason why Kaidan had found it so hard to move on in the first place. Shepard was the reason why Kaidan found it difficult to go on with the life that he had, because everywhere he looked he was reminded of her. Hell, he lived in her _apartment_ , so there was no way of getting away from the past.

As much as he didn’t want to admit to it, Kaidan Alenko was a man who was very much haunted by his past, even more so than others. He was filled with regret. He was filled with ‘what ifs’ and hope for a second chance that usually ended up a third or fourth chance. He was a man who was way too stubborn but not always in a good way: he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t let go of Shepard, he couldn’t let go of the past, and he couldn’t let go of how he used to feel.

To be honest, he hadn’t felt like himself in a while, and the most recent time he had? Well that was with Miranda, when they had drank too much, left to just their undergarments, her skin cool against his -- something that he was completely fascinated with once he could actually concentrate.

He wasn’t on Omega for Miranda though. Sure, she had brought him along because Liara asked her to. And he was here because of who he was – he couldn’t get past how his life with Shepard had been before, and he had felt so desperate to get it back that he would have done almost anything to get it.

Until the other night, when he completely forgot everything.

He couldn’t even use the ‘I was drunk’ excuse, because he wasn’t. He had built up too much of a tolerance lately, and oddly enough was thankful for that because it helped him to remember everything. Every touch, how her lips felt against his rough ones, the soft moan that he had gotten out of her when his fingers moved to pleasure her.

Joker, the ever loving cockblock. Damn him.

Or maybe, that was a good thing.

Kaidan was thinking too much – and it caused him to forget that he was in the middle of a conversation with Miranda and he cleared his throat, “Uh, yeah, no that works.” He muttered, finally bringing himself out of his thoughts, listening enough to hear her talk about the ventilation system.

He had given her a lift up and got up himself, but with his larger frame, got stuck. Yeah, he wasn’t James Vega, but hell only Miranda would be able to get through that damn vent. So they kept in contact, and Kaidan monitored her movements the best that he could through his omni-tool while keeping his eyes open to where they were – and he honestly had no idea. He didn’t know Omega. Without Miranda around to lead him, he felt blind.

Now _that_ was a weird statement. He was blind without Miranda? Jesus.

He wanted to bring up what had happened, but he stopped himself. He had to stop living in the past; maybe what happened was just that – in the past and needed to stay there. He couldn’t know for sure, but now was not the time to ask.

“Miranda, I’m at a wall, I can’t go any further…” Kaidan spoke as he looked around to where he was, a dead end, and Miranda’s voice came over the omni-tool:

_We have a problem, Kaidan. Aria lied -_

Then, her voice cut out.

“Miranda?” Kaidan called out, but knew something was wrong, as he started to double back.

Or he tried, but got hit in the back of the head with a rifle and he fell to the ground.

*******************

When Kaidan came to, he was dealing with one hell of a headache – almost as worse as what he got from his L2 implant. Groaning, he slowly opened his eyes, holding his hand to his head at the same time as he took in his surroundings. He still had his armor on. He still had all his guns. Actually minus the massive headache, everything seemed to be okay.

Okay. So where the hell was he?

“Here, take this,” A familiar voice spoke an Kaidan looked behind him to see Garrus walking towards him with a glass of water. “Sorry about the rifle to the head, by the way.” He laughed, his mandibles moving as he did so.

“Okay, what the…what is going on?” Kaidan asked, though took the water and drank it without second thought. Looking at Garrus’ uniform though, Kaidan swallowed hard. “Jesus, you’re with the blue suns?”

Garrus leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, and shook his head, “No. Undercover.” When Kaidan looked at him with a _yeah, right_ look, Garrus nodded, “No really! Come on, none of us are as well known as Commander Shepard, right?”

Pause.

“Okay, well maybe _you_ being a Spectre and all, but for the rest of us, it was easy.” Garrus sighed and pushed off the wall, taking a seat in the chair across from the bed that Kaidan had been passed out on, “Easier when the new leader of the blue suns appears to be Shepard herself.”

“ _What_?” Kaidan practically screamed, and slammed his fist into the table between them, “You are shitting me. That’s not true. Shepard is dead.”

“I don’t know that for sure, but what I do know is that _that_ isn’t Shepard.” Garrus paused, “It can’t be.”

“So what, do you think it’s another clone situation?”

“There’s no awkward cute girl around to fool us this time but I think so.”

“Why did Aria lie?” Kaidan asked, and Garrus laughed.

“That’s like asking why Joker is inappropriate.”

“Okay. You have a point there.” Kaidan sighed and cleared his throat, “Listen. Miranda and I were looking for Shepard and…”

“Wait, Miranda’s here too?”

“Yeah, but I lost contact and was about to go get her _before you fucking knocked me out_.” Kaidan growled at Garrus, some fire behind his words, enough to cause Garrus to flinch back.

Garrus laughed awkwardly, “I haven’t seen that anger in you in a while, Alenko, sorry I didn’t know, but I couldn’t just shoot you like the other suns wanted me to do. That wouldn’t have done well for either of us.”

Kaidan just waved his hand at Garrus and stood up, stretching as he gathered his guns, “Garrus, I don’t have time for this. I have to get Miranda. If she’s with…another clone of Shepard, then we have to do something. The last clone tried to kill Shepard, who knows what this one will do too.”

Kaidan looked over to Garrus, who stood up and gathered his helmet. “I can get you into the camp as a prisoner, but you’re going to have to play along. Think you can do that without warping me into the next room?”

“Yeah, as long as you don’t fucking try to hit me over the head again, my headaches are bad as is.” Kaidan narrowed his eyes, shaking his head in annoyance.

Of course, this caused Garrus to laugh. “You got it.” He pulled on his helmet, officially covering him and turned on his voice modifier on his omni tool, and when he spoke again, his voice seemed completely different.

Oh the wonders of modern technology.

“Let’s go,” Garrus said, as he shrugged towards the door, “We got a show to put on.”

Kaidan groaned, “Can you not say it like that? Fuck, I thought _I_ was bad…”

*******************

Their plan worked.

Oddly enough.

It was surprising, but Kaidan trusted Garrus to get him in there, and yeah Kaidan had to take a few beatings to make it believable (and Garrus did too, Kaidan of course had to fight back) but it worked. He was soon taken into the base, and was restrained in an interrogation room.

What Kaidan hadn’t expected was that he would be face to face with the blue suns’ new leader: a woman that looked exactly like Jennifer Shepard. He didn’t want to believe it was really her, and it was easier hearing from Garrus that she could be a clone. Though they didn’t have proof of that, not with the real Shepard possibly dead.

Most likely dead.

So instead, Kaidan was beaten and bruised by a woman who looked like his past love.

A woman who ruthlessly tortured him to get the information that he knew on her – which honestly wasn’t much, but he wasn’t going to let her know that. The more she focused on him, the less she’d focus on Miranda. Miranda was prone to knowing more information, and she would be the one to get to. He had to keep the focus on him.

She paced in front of him, her red hair flowing over her shoulders, not the picture of a solider that Kaidan had been so used to, but even the sight of her caused his heart to ache. Even if it wasn’t her. It couldn’t be her.

“Pay attention!” She screamed and punched Kaidan straight in the face and he spit out blood once she had moved away. Well, she hit like Shepard.

“To what? You’re just a fucking imposter, and we’ve dealt with your kind before.”

The leader laughed, as she crossed her arms over her chest, pacing in front of Kaidan. Shit, she even _moved_ like Shepard. This wasn’t good. Kaidan kept his thoughts on why he was here now – he wasn’t here for Shepard, because what they had found out was that this wasn’t her. It couldn’t be her. He was here for Miranda. She needed him, she was real, and he needed her to know that he was here for her. If he could find her.

“The issue, Major Alenko, is that _before_ , Jennifer was around to still fight. She’s not around now,” The imposter grinned, “I _am_ her.” She walked towards Kaidan, and put her hands on his shoulders, as she leaned in close to him, her nose almost touching his as her voice lowered, “And don’t you want me to be her for you? We could take over Omega, we could rule together, Alenko.”

Her voice was like butter to Kaidan, and if he didn’t know better, he’d fall for it hook line and sinker. “No.” He hissed, and spit in her face, his biotics flaring up as he broke free of the ropes that had been holding him back.

“What the fuck?” The imposter screamed as her mercs came running to her side, including a still hidden Garrus. “Kill him!” Biotics flared around the blue suns leader, but she couldn’t control it – sign of someone only recently getting used to the implant, or getting used to a new body as might have better been the case.

So instead, she reached for her gun, and Kaidan threw a warp at her, but she managed to get a shot out before it hit. The bullet slammed into his shoulder and he flew back and charged towards her, but was stopped by a gunshot.

The bullet flew past Kaidan’s head and straight into the imposters, through the center of the forehead and the woman fell down hard. The remaining mercs continued to fight – they still and to have a presence on Omega after all – but Garrus took them all down as Kaidan applied a medi-gel to help with his pain.

Kaidan got back to his feet the best that he could, though he stumbled a bit and leaned against the wall for support as he fired his side arm towards anyone who came his way. With Garrus taking his side, the two of them took out the remaining mercs, and once they were sure no one else was coming, Kaidan dropped his gun to the ground.

“ _Fuck,_ ” Kaidan groaned, as Garrus applied more medi-gel to him, and once it took effect, Kaidan stood up stronger. “We have to get Miranda. Where are they holding her?”

Garrus shrugged, “I don’t know, but someone has to have information around here.” He went towards the dead imposter on the ground, and knelt down as Kaidan watched. Garrus searched the woman, and Kaidan couldn’t help but feel conflicted. He had effectively watched Shepard die too many times now, even if two of those had been clones.

He had seen a lot of fucked up things in his lifetime, and that was up there.

What was more fucked up was that they were lied to. Liara was given false information. Aria led them on…well that wasn’t surprising, but to have both of the most powerful Asari both aware of a clone? It was a little messed up. _You don’t know that Liara knew this_ , Kaidan reminded himself, but still his own words were hard to swallow.

That didn’t matter now. They’d figure it out later, but right now they had to find Miranda, and Garrus was taking too long. Kaidan started to walk towards Garrus before the turian stood up, determined.

“Got something,” Garrus said, looking at the datapad, giving off codes to the other interrogation rooms and where Miranda was being held. The two men ran down the hallway and through a few other corridors, finding more mercs on their way and took them down. Garrus covered Kaidan as they reached what was supposed to be Miranda’s holding cell and Kaidan hacked the door.

The door opened and Kaidan found Miranda on the floor, beaten and bruised, cuts over her cheek and lips, her clothes torn on the shoulders and cut through the side. “Fuck, _fuck_ , Miranda!” Kaidan rushed over to her, applying medi-gel to her and trying his best to get her to come to, to wake up. “Miranda, please,” His voice was practically pleading, and he held onto her tightly as he picked her up in his arms and carried her out of the room.

She was still unresponsive as Kaidan carried her out of the blue suns’ base, with Garrus as their personal body guard. It was as they reached the outside of the base that they were greeted by Aria, who was firing off a few shots herself, and had a car waiting.

“Shit, what happened to her?” She asked coldly, as she fired at the mercs coming towards her.

“You’re what fucking happened to her, Aria, you knew _exactly_ what was going on.” Kaidan shot back, taking cover behind a wall. He looked at Miranda in his arms, as she slightly started to stir. This was not the place for her to wake up. They had to get out of there.

Aria apparently had the same idea. “Now is not the time to argue, Major! Get in the car, we have to get all of you out of here. You just have to trust that I have your best interest at heart right now!”

“Alenko, we have no choice, we have to go with her,” Garrus called out, “I’ll cover you, get to the shuttle!”

Kaidan groaned in frustration but threw up his shields and ran with Miranda in his arms towards the shuttle and got in, with Garrus and Aria following.

Aria got in the driver’s seat and the shuttle flew off towards her personal apartment, the one place they wouldn’t be touched. No one fucked with Aria, but that didn’t mean she didn’t fuck with them now and then.

“Aria, you need to tell me what the fuck you know, and fast.” Kaidan growled, as Miranda rested against him, “You led us into a fucking trap!”

Aria laughed, “I did what I had to. I had blue suns trying to pose undercover in my guard and they were listening. I purposely tipped them and you off. Shepard helped me take Omega back, and I owe her. That woman? That was _not_ Shepard, even if she claimed to be.”

Garrus scoffed, “Right. We should trust you.”

“You should, Archangel, because I didn’t give you away to everyone else on the station still looking to take you down. Don’t think I don’t know who you are.”

That shut up Garrus, and caused Kaidan to actually laugh, though it was a short one. “Fine, but this still doesn’t explain why you were letting all of this happen under your own roof. This is your turf, Aria.”

“Don’t you think I fucking know that?” Aria hissed back, as the shuttle pulled into her private docking area, her guard waiting for them, “Get her inside, we can talk more there.”

*******************

Aria explained everything she knew.

So Kaidan knew a few things now.

One: This was still very fucked up, because not only did Aria know this Shepard was an imposter, but _Liara_ knew it too.

Two: This wasn’t the only clone that was running around the galaxy, and each one was getting stronger. It was as if they were forming their own army. The leader of the blue suns was their de-facto leader, so she had to be taken out.

All of this was well and good, but what Kaidan didn’t understand was why Liara felt the need to lie to Miranda of all people. Lying to him, well he’d get it. It took a lot to even get him to come to this mission, but Miranda? This didn’t make sense.

Liara was hiding something else. She had her reasons, and Kaidan trusted her completely, but this might have been too far.

Aria had given Kaidan her guest room for Miranda, and he had brought Miranda in and lay her on the guest bed, as he took off his armor and set it aside, and unbuckled Miranda’s armor as well to see what other wounds she had.

He was careful not to wake her and not to hurt her more, and felt strange undressing her in a way, but he had done this with other soldiers before and if he just viewed her as another soldier, then it would be fine.

Only, Miranda wasn’t just another soldier to him.

She had become a small light in what had been a very dark tunnel, and she was starting to bring him back to the person he used to be. Or, more importantly, the person he _could_ be.

Once her armor was to the side of the bed and she was in her tank and shorts underneath, he went into the bathroom to get a damp towel to try to clean out her cuts.

Sure, he was covered in his own cuts and bruises, and he certainly looked worse for the wear, but he was awake. Miranda wasn’t, and the more she stayed passed out, the more worried he got.

Kaidan returned to Miranda’s side with a towel and a bowl of warm water, sitting at the edge of the bed as he carefully cleaned up Miranda’s cuts and washed away the dried blood on her face.

He didn’t want to know if that was hers or not.

He was softly washing off a cut on her forehead when he heard her stir and he lifted his hand slightly, as Miranda slowly opened her eyes and focused on Kaidan. “Kaidan?” She asked, confused, but seemed relieved.

“Hey Miranda.” He said with a smile, as he finished washing off her forehead, “You’re safe. We’re in Aria’s apartment.”

“What? She---“

Kaidan stopped her, “It’s a long story. And you’re seriously hurt.” He hit a few buttons on his omni tool and administered medi-gel to her, “But you’re okay.”

“You came for me?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”

Then Miranda did something that Kaidan didn’t expect: she sat up with all the energy that she had and tightly wrapped her arms around Kaidan, holding onto him as if her life depended on it.

To his surprise, that was exactly how he hugged her back.


	11. Miranda

_The first thing she realized was that her hands were bound so that she was incapable of moving. She felt weak and powerless. “What…” she muttered as she started to come to, confused and disoriented, the last thing she remembered a shimmer of fiery red hair before the world turned black._

_Shepard. She had seen Shepard._

_Her eyes fluttered open, but she couldn’t see. The room was dark, quiet, and she couldn’t move. She lifted her head and tried to move her legs. She was in a chair, tied to it, unable to break free. Her biotics were useless. They had done something to prevent her from using them._

_Miranda was scared. She was always the one in control, always had her biotics to help her, but, without them, she was nothing._

_She kept quiet, waited. For how long, she didn’t know. Hours passed, maybe. The next thing she knew, lights were flooding her eyes, blinding her, and then the punches came._

_A voice that sounded like Jennifer Shepard’s bombarded her with questions._ Why are you here? What do you know about Shepard? Where are Kaidan Alenko and Liara T’Soni?

_Miranda never answered. The punches, the shocks, the torture, it kept coming, but she never gave in. It wasn’t in her nature, no matter how weak or scared she was. She could never do that, not to Kaidan. If there was any chance he could make it alive, her life didn’t matter._

_She felt something for the Spectre, she knew that now. Thoughts of Kaidan, of finding him, of him getting out alive, they kept her going, kept her from speaking up. She bit her tongue and never said a word._

_When she was hit so hard her mouth filled with blood, she grinned and spit at her torturer. “You’re not Shepard. You’re a bloody clone, and you’ll never be her, no matter how hard you try,” she groaned._

_Her captor’s response was a punch to the gut. And another. Soon, Miranda slipped into unconsciousness for a second time._

*******************

The next time she woke up, her surroundings were different. Brief flashes of being carried out of the compound, of yelling and gunshots, flashed in her mind, but they didn’t seem real. She was again confused, but she felt stronger, though not much. She could feel the dampness of a washcloth on her forehead and the softness of a bed beneath her. Was this a new method of torture? Her eyes opened, and the first thing that came into focus was a set of hazel eyes.

“Kaidan?”

“Hey Miranda.” Relief flooded her when heard his voice. It was him, he was real, and she was safe. Hopefully. As if reading her mind, he added, “You’re safe. We’re in Aria’s apartment.”

That didn’t make any sense. Why were they there? Aria had led them into a trap. “What? She-“

Kaidan cut her off before she could finish the question. “It’s a long story. And you’re seriously hurt.” When he applied the medi-gel, she sighed in relief as the soothing feeling took her over, “But you’re okay.”

Miranda managed a smile, surprised at his gentle demeanor and of him taking care of her in this way. It was reflected in her next question.

“You came for me?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?” he replied, seeming surprised.

It took all of the energy she had to lift herself off the bed. She was still weak, her muscles aching to the bone, but she needed to feel his touch. Her arms wrapped around him, and she pulled him into a hug, saying all of the things that she couldn’t with words. That she was grateful, that she cared for him and that she knew she would be dead if he hadn’t found her.

There was so much she needed to hear. What had happened in the hideout? What was going on with Aria? She needed answers, but she needed this more. When Kaidan hugged her back, that was all she needed to know. His embrace felt right and safe, and she relished in the feeling, eyes closing as she lingered against him.

Minutes passed before she pulled away, eyes surveying his features for the first time, only then realizing he was injured. She lifted a weak, shaky hand to touch the side of his face, fingers tracing over a forming bruise. “You’re hurt,” she commented, though she was certain he didn’t need reminding.

He shrugged. “This is nothing. You should see the other guy,” he replied nonchalantly, even laughing, which Miranda reciprocated, albeit weakly.

“You mean the clone?”

He nodded.

“What happened?”

“Garrus shot her right between the eyes,” was his response, which opened up a whole new series of questions. The confusion read in her eyes, but the explanations could wait.

She had barely moved away from him, and their faces were close enough that she could feel the heat radiating from his breath. Her eyes moved across his features, settling on his lips, and she licked her own lips without even realizing it.

Kaidan seemed to pick up on the subtle motion. “Miranda-”

Her body was sore, tired, but something sparked within her, and she needed him and the contact he could provide. Her mind flashed back to the incredible moment they’d shared onboard the ship and how she’d wished it could have lasted longer.

Maybe it was the emotion from being captured, tortured and rescued that was making all of this boil to the surface, but it didn’t matter.

What mattered was she needed to feel him. Her fingers grasped at his shirt, clinging to the fabric as she jerked him to her, touching her lips to his. Kaidan hesitated at first, but he was soon returning the kiss, tongue sliding across her lower lip as he begged for more. Miranda obliged, arms weaving their way around his body once more, gripping at him weakly but desperately.

She was reminded of how sore her body was as he guided her back onto the bed, limbs bruised and weak, but she ignored the pain, or tried to. When she winced, Kaidan broke his lips from her and looked at her with worry in his eyes. “Miranda, are you okay?”

His voice was so full of concern, for her, and that was something she wasn’t used to. She responded with a firm nod. “Never better,” she answered flatly. Kaidan hovered over her, and she caught his eyes looking her over, checking for signs of a lie. Of course she was lying, but she didn’t want him to leave. She needed him to stay. The last thing she wanted was to be alone.

Silence fell between them for a moment, neither of them daring to move, to break the trance they were caught in. Miranda’s eyes were on his, trying to get a read for what he was thinking, and she couldn’t tear herself away. How had she never noticed those eyes before? It was easy to get lost in them.

After a moment, Kaidan made a move to leave. Miranda grasped at him, pulling him back down to her. “Kaidan, please,” she begged, voice weak but needy. “Stay, with me. Please.” 

Her hands smoothed over his chest, and she marveled in the feeling of his strong chest underneath her fingers. Even with his shirt, she could feel his toned muscles. Her eyes watched his face as he thought it over, and she found herself admiring the way his brow crinkled when he was thinking.

“Okay,” he said, and that was all he said. His lips found hers immediately after, the kisses slower and more deliberate this time. They explored one another, hands meeting skin as they dared to venture underneath one another’s shirts, testing the waters.

Her fingers traced along the forming bruises along his jawline, and she felt a brief pang of guilt at the thought of what he must have gone through. She wanted more than anything to nurse those wounds, to make him feel better, and maybe that was part of what was sparking the need for him. He had risked his life for her, and she could count the number of people who had done that on one hand. He had wholeheartedly earned her trust and proven that she had been wrong about him. In a short amount of time, she had warmed up to him, loosened up with him around, and that took a lot. Her walls had come down with little effort on his part, and she had been willing to give her life for him. Again, not something that happened often.

Her body and mind flooded with emotions, and it fueled her to continue on, despite the pain she was feeling.

Her hands roamed his back, tracing every inch of it as her fingers glided over his toned muscles. Without realizing it, she lifted her hips from the bed and pushed them against his, her body taking over and signalling him she wanted more from him.

Kaidan pulled away and looked at her, concern once again written all over his features. “Miranda-” he started, but she interrupted his words by kissing him again. She didn’t want to hear an excuse about hurting her, which she was sure had been on the tip of his tongue before she’d stopped him. Miranda didn’t want to think, not about this. Though she could sense his hesitation at first, he soon stopped thinking and gave in.

His lips never left hers again, except in the brief moments they were freeing one another of their clothing. One by one, articles of clothing were discarded and tossed to the side, and every ounce of hesitation Miranda had seen in his eyes was gone, though the concern was still there. Kaidan was gentle, so gentle that she almost couldn’t feel him touching her. He was making certain he didn’t hurt her, and, though she was in worse condition than he was, she was doing the same.

Their movements were slow, but each one was deliberate, backed by a passion that both of them obviously felt. Just as she held his back tightly, fingers gripping his shoulder blades, he cradled her body as if it were something precious. She had never felt this way before, not with anyone, not even Shepard. Jennifer was the one person she had come close to loving, and even her experience with the woman couldn’t compare to this. She felt treasured and cared for, and that feeling took her over, replacing every sensation of pain coursing through her body.

She let that feeling guide her, and it was only then that they came together. He was slow and cautious at first, for which she was grateful, but she was soon urging him on, begging for more. She pulled him close and moved her hips against his, meeting him with each thrust, and the sounds of pleasure began to fall freely into his mouth. The contact of their lips muffled the sounds coming from the pair of them. Her breathing quickened as they continued, but she refused to give up the feeling of his lips on hers.

Her kisses became more frantic, lazier as they moved closer to their releases, and she gripped him tighter, nails scraping against skin, as the feeling started to build within her. She couldn’t be certain how much time had passed when she finally let go, Kaidan following soon after, but it seemed as if time had stopped. Her body was weak from using all of its energy, but she had never felt more alive. Maybe it was the brush with death, or maybe it was something more. Miranda couldn’t be sure, but, instead of questioning it, she allowed Kaidan to curl up to her when he moved off of her.

She secured her arms around him and pulled him close. He muttered something under his breath that she couldn’t quite understand. She gave a lazy smile. “Rest,” she ordered, and he relaxed against her. Sleep began to take her, and she let it. It might be the only chance they had to rest.

*******************

The third time Miranda woke up, she was not confused or disoriented. Instead, she was blissful. She felt safe. She could feel the sturdiness of Kaidan’s body beside her, a lazy arm strewn across her stomach, his head resting on her shoulder. She could feel the soreness in her limbs and on her face. Worst of all was the stinging in her lip from where the clone had hit her, but even that seemed to have faded. Maybe it was Kaidan’s presence.

When she stretched her legs, she grimaced, and she soon felt Kaidan stirring beside of her. He was smiling by the time his eyes opened, and she returned the smile. “Hey,” she greeted, though she didn’t move, unsure of how to react. Had this meant something? She knew where she stood, or she thought she did. In the heat of the moment, she had cared for Kaidan, but was it real? She couldn’t be sure. Her walls started to build, but something about the look in his eyes kept them from going up all the way. She cautiously moved a hand to touch the side of his face, and she relaxed when he leaned into her touch.

“Hey.” He laughed awkwardly and added, “So that was unexpected.”

She laughed along with him and raised her eyebrow. “In a good way, I hope?”

He answered her question by pressing a kiss to her collarbone, and the feeling sent a shiver throughout her body.

For the longest time, they remained there in silence, Miranda caressing his face while he traced lazy patterns along her stomach. In that moment, all of what they were dealing with disappeared, and it was as if the past few weeks hadn’t happened. But they had. Everything they’d been through had brought them to this moment. There was still the question of Shepard’s clone to discuss, and she needed answers. She needed to know what had happened in her absence and where they went from there, where _they_ went.

Because of that, she eventually made a move to stand from the bed, though her movements were slow enough that Kaidan was able to stop her. He gave her a pleading look and gripped her arm loosely, giving her every chance to decline. “Come on, Miri,” he begged, and she could only smile when he used her nickname. “Stay. Archangel and the Queen of Omega can wait a little longer.”

She couldn’t resist the look in his eyes and sighed as she settled back on the bed, this time curling up against his form. “Five more minutes,” she said playfully, though she had a feeling he could keep her longer if he tried. He nodded in response and pulled her close.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, fingers carefully touching her bruised ribs.

“I feel like I got charged by a krogan without my shield,” she replied, attempting a joke, and, to her surprise, Kaidan laughed. “But I’m alive, thanks to you. And Garrus. And Aria, apparently.”

“You probably have a lot of questions, don’t you?” he asked, to which she nodded.

“They can wait. Five more minutes, remember?”

He grinned, and their lips met once more.

*******************

Their five minutes came and went. Another five more with them. And five more after that. Eventually, a knock at the door pulled them out of their state of bliss.

“This isn’t a hotel service. Get dressed,” hissed Aria from the other side, and Miranda met Kaidan’s gaze, a smirk crossing her lips. They both laughed quietly, but Aria had given them the push they needed to get out of bed.

“I guess we’d better not fuck with Aria,” Kaidan joked under his breath so that only she could hear, and that roused another laugh from her.

“You’d better hope she didn’t hear that,” was her reply as she made an attempt to stand on her own two feet. She felt an arm steadying her, and she was able to stand with his assistance. “Thank you.”

She hesitated for a moment, only then realizing that Kaidan had been more injured than she realized. She began to frown when she noticed the bandage on his shoulder. She trailed her fingers over the cloth and looked at him with worry. “What happened?”

“A bullet grazed me,” he replied as he reached for her hand, moving it away from the wound. “It’s nothing serious, nothing compared to what you went through.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ve been through worse,” she replied, attempting a reassuring smile, but she had a feeling he could see right through her. He pulled away from her, but not before leaving a kiss on her forehead.

“You’re stubborn,” he said, shaking his head.

“So are you,” she retorted.

Before she could make a move to grab her lazily discarded clothing, Kaidan was sweeping the room and grabbing her things so that she didn’t have to. She gave him a nod of thanks, and he responded with a kiss to her cheek. She could get used to the affectionate side of Kaidan Alenko, that much she knew for certain. There were still questions of where they stood and what came next, but she didn’t allow herself to think about them for once in her life. She simply let herself be with him, even if it ended up only being for the moment. Once they left this room, everything could change. There were too many unknowns, especially concerning Shepard, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to get attached only to get hurt again.

She busied herself by working into the clothing she had been given. It was a slow process, and Kaidan had fully dressed himself before she had even worked into her shirt. Her body was in worse shape than she could have imagined, and a quick glance downward showed more bruises than she could count.

“Here, maybe this will help,” he said, coming behind her and applying a dose of medi-gel. Immediately, the pain dulled. She was able to dress without much more effort on her part, and soon enough there wasn’t much they could do but leave the room.

“Kaidan, whatever happens...” Miranda started, wanting to let him know that she didn’t regret a thing, regardless of what ended up happening.

“I don’t regret it either,” he interrupted, as if he knew exactly what she was going to say. He extended his hand to her, and she took it without hesitation. “Come on, let’s get you up to speed.”

They stepped out of the room, together, and Miranda caught the annoyance in Aria’s facial expression when they entered the room, and she fought the laugh that came with seeing that look. Garrus was leaning against the wall, and she could have sworn she caught him smile upon seeing them. The look was brief enough for her to question it. “Finally,” the turian said, pushing off of the wall. “Let’s get Lawson up to speed so we can make our next move. I’m guessing you didn’t have time for that while testing her reach and flexibility, did you Alenko?”

Miranda felt Kaidan’s grip tighten on her hand, but he didn’t say a word on the matter. Neither did she. “By all means, fill me in,” she said calmly. “A Shepard clone was leading the Blue Suns, that much I know. Well, that, and you killed her.”

“That’s part of it,” said Garrus. “I was working to infiltrate the suns, find out what they’re up to. There’s a reason they had a clone, and I want to know why. My cover is still good. I took out the everyone who saw me kill the clone, so I’m going back in to see what I can find.”

He then proceeded to catch her up on what she had missed while she was in captivity and, well, unconscious. Miranda fought back her anger when she was informed that Liara had known all along that this was a clone and hadn’t told her. She understood secrets, but something like this? Miranda felt betrayed. As much as she trusted Liara, this seemed like too much. Had she known about the clone, she could have been better prepare, could have spared them from such a big mistake.

Whatever anger she was feeling, she bit it back, showing it only in the way her grip tightened on Kaidan as the day’s events were explained to her. “What next? We have to figure out what they’re planning, if they have more clones. Better yet, how did they get their hands on a clone? Cerberus is all but gone, everything destroyed.”

“That’s what I intend to find out,” Garrus replied before stepping toward the exit. “I should go. They’ll get suspicious. Take care of yourselves, focus on the mission. I’ll be in touch.”

Aria gave the turian a look. “Keep me updated. If they intend to make a move on me, for Omega, I want to know about it.” Garrus nodded and left the room, and soon the sealing of a door indicated he had left the apartment.

“You two, heal up,” she ordered. Miranda briefly wondered why she was the one giving the orders, but she knew more than either of them did about this. She couldn’t fight the feeling Aria was still holding onto something, but maybe that was because she didn’t trust her. “On your ship, not in my bed, if you don’t mind. My hospitality only goes so far. I’ll hail you a shuttle. I’ll meet you there tomorrow. Afterlife is being watched.”


	12. Joker Interlude

Two days. It had been two days since Joker had heard anything planet-side. Kaidan and Miranda had taken off to Afterlife to chat with Aria, and he hadn’t heard a peep from either of them. Needless to say, he was worried. More than once, he’d found himself opening his mouth to ask EDI to see if she could track them, but then he remembered that she wasn’t here, that she was _never coming back_ , and that made him feel worse.

They had a specific channel for contacting one another, and it was silent. He feared for the worst.

After the first 24 hours had passed, he’d considered marching, or waddling in his case, right off the ship and confronting Aria, but then he considered she could break him like a twig without even blinking. “ _Damn Vrolik’s,_ ” he’d told himself. “ _I’m useless, as usual._ ” The best he could do was break a bone at them, and that wouldn’t help him find Kaidan and Miranda.

So he did what he had to: he told himself they were fine, that they had found a lead and couldn’t make contact.

When the second day came and went, though, he knew something wasn’t right. Not even a, “Hey, Joker, we’re fine,” to ease his worries. The ship had a direct line to Liara, and he was damn well going to use it.

“What is it, Jeff?”

“Radio silence for two days. Have you heard anything?”

“They were captured at a Blue Suns base. I have someone working on it.”

“ _Captured?_ And no one thinks, oh, hey I should tell Joker about this. Just leave the pilot out of it. It’s not like he’s, you know, important or anything.” Joker sighed, and put his head into his hands, massaging his temples with his fingers.

“Jeff, I - I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Liara. When can I expect them back? Do I need to put the doc on alert?”

“They’re on their way now, if my surveillance is correct, and yes. Miranda is badly injured, and Kaidan was shot.”

He made a move to say something, but he held his anger at bay. “Damn it, okay,” was all he said. “Joker out.”

He leaned back in his seat, one that wasn’t quite as comfortable as his aboard the SR2. No leather, no EDI. It wasn’t the same. He shook his head and the anger built up in him to the point he came close to punching the console in front of him. It would hurt him more than it would the ship, so he refrained. “Oh, let’s not worry about Joker,” he muttered. “He’s vulnerable enough already with his brittle bones. Let’s not make it worse by worrying him. He’s so fragile.” The pilot rolled his eyes and lifted a hand to remove his cap. He tossed it to the side and let out a heavy sigh.

He touched the comm unit in his ear. “Doc Thompson, prepare the med-bay. Injured incoming.” The doctor replied back with, “Roger,” and that was that. He stood from his chair, slowly but surely, and suddenly regretted tossing his hat to the side. He carefully leaned to pick it up and placed it back on his head. He walked over to the airlock and opened it, watching, waiting for the two of them to return.

When he finally spotted them, sans armor and looking worse for wear, he let out a sigh of relief. Then he looked closer. _Are they holding hands?_ Relief turned to surprise, and it was all over his face as the twosome entered the ship. Kaidan gave him a firm nod, and Miranda muttered a weak, “Hello, Jeff.” He looked between them, eyes moving from their intertwined hands to their faces. _So I didn’t imagine what happened the night we played poker..._ he thought to himself, and an actual smile crept onto his face as he followed them to the med-bay.


	13. Kaidan

If there was one thing that Kaidan wanted more than anything in the damn world it was to get off of Omega. He hadn't been there long, but what he _did_ experience - the firefight, dealing with the Blue Suns, dealing with Aria - it was enough to keep him away from Omega for a long time. The biggest thing that threw him off was that Miranda’s supposed information from Liara had been wrong. _That_ didn’t make sense at all.

Liara had never been the type to give them false information, and Liara was someone that Kaidan had trusted for years -- even back when they were both fighting for Jennifer Shepard’s attention. They remained friends after that, and they had trusted each other as well. So Kaidan had no reason to believe that Liara’s information had been wrong.

Sure, he had every reason to believe that _Miranda’s_ information had been wrong, but he trusted her now too. Far more than he had ever expected to -- Miranda held too much of Shepard’s past in her hands. Bringing Shepard back, working for Cerberus, these were all things that had grated Kaidan’s nerves when he had originally ran into Miranda on the Citadel. How could be possibly work with someone who had worked for Cerberus?

That answer was easy: the same way that he continued to work with Shepard. Shepard had worked with Cerberus, because it was what was right for her at the time. They gave her an opportunity, and she took it. Now that Kaidan knew Miranda better, he couldn’t help but think that Miranda saw her connection with Cerberus the same way. Of course, the recruitment into the group had been different than Shepard’s -- as far as he knew, Miranda hadn’t been dead and brought back -- but maybe the sentiment had been the same: doing the best with the opportunity that was there. Both Shepard and Miranda defected from Cerberus, and Miranda did her part to fight the war. Now she was doing her best to find Shepard with Kaidan.

Miranda had brought them to Omega, but Kaidan had brought a lot out of her in the process. Kaidan couldn’t help but realize that maybe it was okay that Liara’s information was slightly off. Finding Shepard alive would have been a miracle, but there shouldn’t be those using Shepard’s name and face running around to get what they wanted.

That was one thing that Kaidan would _not_ stand for. So that was what had brought Kaidan to begrudgingly trust Aria as he ran with Miranda in his arms towards the waiting car, Garrus covering them suppressing fire along the way. If Aria was the opportunity that presented itself at the time, and if it was the only option, you bet your damn ass Kaidan was going to take it.

What it came down to was the fact that Kaidan was living off of the opportunities that presented themselves lately, and living like that was almost… _exhilarating_.

If anything, it made him feel far more alive than he had in the better part of a year and a half.

When they had finally dressed and got out to see Aria and Garrus, the look on their faces were priceless. It only forced Kaidan to hold onto Miranda’s hand tighter, a means to hold both of them up and steady, but to also be a support. To keep her grounded.

Garrus had left with his word ringing true that he would keep them updated on the Blue Suns -- with his position non-compromised, he could still observe and help as he could. It seemed logical for Garrus to fall back into his Archangel ways, but at least he was trying to help Aria as well this time. Well, at least it was good for her.

Kaidan couldn’t hide his smirk as Aria barked orders at him and Miranda, telling them both to head off to their ship -- they had overstayed their welcome and truth be told Kaidan was more than happy to agree to that.

So it was back to the ship, back to walking past Joker with a raised eyebrow staring at them shocked, and Kaidan shrugging as they made their way to the lounge area of the small ship. There were couches there, they were comfortable, and that was all that Kaidan wanted right now. Comfort.

He helped Miranda to the couch first, and watched as her face showed off the pain she was in, wincing slightly as she sunk into the fabric of the couch. Her eyes opened once more to look at Kaidan, and he decided to sit down next to her as well, his arm draped around her shoulder.

Miranda shifted next to Kaidan, to rest gently against his chest, though she didn’t say anything. Kaidan didn’t either, and instead focused on keeping his biotics in check, the blue light small and dancing against his fingertips. He knew Miranda was watching, but he was in no mood to show off.

“You don’t need to impress me,” She said softly, as if she was reading his mind, and Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah? What makes you say that?”

“Well, I already saw what you were capable of.”

They shared a look, a knowing smirk between the two of them, and Kaidan couldn’t help but feel the moment cause a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, words getting caught in his throat. Opportunity. The word came back to him, standing in the forefront of his mind as he looked over Miranda with a smile, his hand moving to gently caress her cheek. Miranda had given him an opportunity that he didn’t know he was looking for.

The opportunity to get on with his life, the opportunity to move past his history and his grudges, the opportunity to allow himself to be happy again.

While there was still the chance that Shepard could be alive out there, Kaidan found himself conflicted. Shepard had shown him the capability to love, but Miranda had shown him that he could _still_ love.

Not that love was what this was, he wasn’t sure there was an exact word for this, but he knew that he held feelings for Miranda. He knew it when he thought she wasn’t breathing, he knew it when he rescued her, he knew it when he watched over her like a hawk as she slept on Aria’s guest bed.

Sure, they seemed like two different people, and he was too laid back for her now, and she was too stuck on rules and regulations at times for him to deal with, but that was the thing with opposites: they usually attracted.

Miranda gave him the opportunity to be alive again, and he’d be a damn fool if he wasn’t going to take that.

It didn’t take much for Kaidan to close the distance between their lips, a slow burning kiss starting with the slight brush of his lips against hers, before his tongue moved against her lower lip to get her mouth into opening more. He was careful, but he was passionate, and Miranda didn’t protest.

Instead, she shifted and moved into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck, both of them careful to their wounds, but also not seeming to care.

It felt good to throw caution to the wind. He needed to do that more often.

*******************

Aria came onto their ship the next day as promised, and by the time she had, Miranda and Kaidan were up and about more, showered and dressed -- and Kaidan had to admit his mind kept drifting to the shower, because after their long make out session last night, Miranda had suggested they get clean. After that, well all bets were off. It felt a bit like he was a teenager again, getting to explore an unfamiliar body, the excitement that came along with that. It seemed like he was always learning something new about Miranda, and the fact that she kept willingly giving out information said a lot to Kaidan.

She trusted him. That wasn’t something he wanted to take advantage of.

Kaidan had been chatting with Joker in the cockpit when Aria stepped on the ship, and Joker turned around in his chair to see Aria with her arms crossed. Kaidan’s hands were in the pockets of his Spectre hoodie that he still had (despite not exactly feeling like a Spectre anymore) and he looked over to Aria expectantly. “Well? You wanted to talk. Talk.”

Aria laughed, “Is that how you’re going to talk to me after my hospitality that you took advantage of?”

“My ship, my rules.” Kaidan shot back, and grinned. This caused Joker to just shake his head and roll his eyes.

“Alright, Alenko, fine.” Aria sighed, her arms still crossed over her chest, “You might want your _girlfriend_ around for this conversation.”

“I’m right here, T’Loak,” Miranda’s voice called out, not hinting at even the amusement at the ‘girlfriend’ comment, as her heeled boots were heard clicking up the walkway. Kaidan couldn’t help but steal a look at her. He was caught, and Miranda shared a devious smirk with him before Miranda brought her attention back to Aria. “You can talk.”

Shaking her head, the Asari told them what she knew. She told them about when she saw Shepard -- or the clone -- come onto Omega, though she looked worse for the wear. Aria had alerted Liara, who in turn had sent a message to Garrus to come and keep an eye on things. Once Aria had gotten word that the clone was taking over the Omega chapter of the Blue Suns, Aria and Garrus worked out a deal -- he’d return to his Archangel ways, go undercover in the Blue Suns and keep track of Shepard and what was going on, and he’d keep himself out of Aria’s business. Aria in turn wouldn’t let anyone know that Archangel was actually alive and well and back on the station, and would give any information that Garrus found out to Liara.

“...so once we had a strong feeling that this wasn’t really Shepard, I let Liara know.” Aria said, shifting back into the chair she was now sitting in. They had all moved to the mess hall, and with the ship still docked at Omega, Joker had joined them, the four of them sitting around a table discussing what was going on.

“Yeah, but that still doesn’t explain why Liara just led us into believing that Shepard was...well really Shepard. Not a clone.” Kaidan said, leaning forward, his hands resting on the table, his eyebrows furrowed.

“I never told Liara that I didn’t think Shepard wasn’t her. While Garrus and I both had that feeling, I just told Liara that she might want to send more people to check it out.”

Miranda sounded frustrated, “She told me that she had it on good authority that this was the _real_ Shepard, and that she was alive.”

Aria scoffed, “Then I think you need to talk to your Shadow Broker. Because you’re not getting anymore information from me, I just gave you everything I know. It’s bad enough I got a rogue Cerberus agent--”

“Ex-Cerberus”, Kaidan interjected, and Aria rolled her eyes.

“... _Ex_ -Cerberus agent, and a Spectre running around my station, but I got Archangel getting into trouble too, and do you have any idea what type of shit I’m going through right now? I’m _still_ fixing shit from when Omega got taken over. _By Cerberus_.” Aria growled, shooting Miranda a look in the process. Miranda just rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair as Aria continued, “Go talk to your little broker, she clearly knows something that none of us know.”

With that Aria stood up to take her leave from the ship, she pointed at Kaidan, “Don’t you _ever_ overstay your welcome again, Spectre.”

Kaidan shook his head as he watched Aria let herself out. “Joker, let’s get off this damn station, I really don’t want to be here anymore.”

Joker nodded, as he moved to get up. The three of them walked back towards the cockpit as they decided their next course of action. “Where to, guys?” Joker finally asked as he was sitting back at the helm, and Kaidan took the seat next to him. Miranda hovered behind Joker, looking at the screens around them.

“I’ve never actually spoken with Liara in person, it’s been over vid or comm links, everything has been via the extranet.” Miranda said, thoughtfully as she pulled up her history on her omni-tool. _Of course she keeps everything,_ Kaidan thought, a smirk crossing his lips, _She has to cover her tracks._

So Miranda was resourceful too. Kaidan could get behind that.

Of course, Joker wasn’t liking this latest conversational turn, “What do you mean you’ve never talked to her in person? What if it was never Liara you were talking to?”

“I am well aware of what Liara looks and sounds like, and we were only talking on the Shadow Broker secure channels. I had no reason to doubt that it wasn’t really her, and I still have no reason to--”

“--doubt?” Kaidan interrupted, as the ship took off from the station and they slowly started to drift off into space, “Miranda, I think Joker’s right. What if it wasn’t Liara at all?”

Kaidan watched as Miranda raised an eyebrow towards him, and he met her eyes. “I just think it’s something worth checking out,” he continued, “If I’m wrong, then I’m wrong, but I don’t like how this feels. We got ambushed and you saw what happened.”

Miranda looked at Kaidan before looking over her own wounds - despite them healing fast, they were still there.

“Fine.” Miranda finally said, “Last I heard, she was on Illium.”

Joker nodded, and brought his attention to the screens, “Alright, that’s in this same sector. Should take us...about a week.”

“Okay. That gives us time to try to figure out a plan, just in case.” Kaidan added, and pulled up the extranet on the screens in front of him. “I think we shouldn’t let Liara know that we’re coming. I want to take her by surprise.”

“Yeah, I bet you do.” Joker muttered under his breath, a laugh following, and Miranda coughed obnoxiously. Joker laughed, “Sorry, Miranda, did that make you jealous?”

Kaidan raised an eyebrow and looked over to Joker and Miranda, with the female actually sporting a bright red blush. _Well that was new. And nice. Definitely nice._ Miranda just shook her head and walked away, a laugh heard shortly after. A little delayed, but there was still a laugh.

Soon it was only Joker and Kaidan left in the cockpit, with both of them concentrating on what they were doing: Joker flying the ship, Kaidan using Spectre access to get into more secure parts of security video feeds from Omega.

“So, you got a thing going on with Lawson?” Joker finally asked, and Kaidan looked over to Joker with a confused look on his face for a moment before it registered what was being asked.

Did he have a thing with Miranda? All signs seemed to point to yes. “Uh, why?” Kaidan answered instead, and Joker shrugged.

“I saw what losing Shepard did to you. I’ve seen you as an empty shell, hell, you lost more than enough credit chits to me over the past year due to your new gambling hobby.” Joker shrugged, “It’s nice to see someone trying to move on from the past.” There was a silence between the men, as Joker’s eyes seemed to go a little darker, and Kaidan looked at his own screen for a moment. “I’m glad one of us is.” It was said in a quieter voice as Kaidan closed the screens and stood up from his seat.

He placed a hand on Joker’s shoulder for a moment, and Joker nodded before Kaidan removed his hand. Joker was another person Kaidan was happy he could trust, and Joker was one of the people he had been able to relate to the most in the past year.

“I’m not moving on from the past,” Kaidan said, his voice also quiet, “I guess I’m...building on it. Some how. Trying to get closure so if there is another door to open...I can.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get that, man. Still. Good for you.”

Kaidan wasn’t sure what to say to that -- saying thanks seemed really weird, and Kaidan wasn’t so good with quiet talks with Joker, mostly because they had never once happened in all the years Kaidan knew him, even when they were drowning their sorrows over mutual loss at the bar one night.

“Yeah.” It was all that Kaidan could choke out, and he nodded towards Joker and headed out of the cockpit, the doors sliding shut after him.

This mission was turning into a lot more for Kaidan than when they started out. It went from finding the woman he loved, to finding out he could possibly love someone _else_ , to trying to get closure, and now he was in a weird mix of all of that and more. This mission was turning out to be less about finding Shepard, and more about finding out who Kaidan was, and who he could be.

He stopped at the mess and grabbed a few protein bars and a bottle of serrice ice brandy and headed back towards the small lounge, where Miranda was looking over paperwork.

She looked up from the couch, and he silently sat down next to her, offered her a protein bar and opened up the brandy. He nudged her shoulder with his with a smile, and she did the same.

He had no idea where this mission was going to end up taking them, but he decided that as long as Miranda was by his side, he would be happy to keep moving forward.

So next stop: Illium.


	14. Miranda

Trust was difficult to earn from Miranda Lawson. She didn’t give it away freely, it had to be earned. There were very few people she had ever trusted completely. Jacob, the Illusive Man (which admittedly, she had been wrong about, but she was more than willing to admit that), Shepard, Oriana, Liara and now Kaidan.

Kaidan more so than the others was a mystery. What was it about him that made her open up to him so easily? Just a few weeks ago, she had a pretty solid picture of him in her mind: he was careless, lazy and pathetic, drinking away his pain on the Citadel and refusing to cope with the loss of Shepard. That image had changed, and she knew that now she was seeing who he really was, the man that Shepard had fallen in love with. _The man that Shepard had chosen over her._ Despite everything she thought she knew, they were working together. More than that. they were… well, she didn’t know exactly what it was they were doing. She knew she had feelings for him, and they were developing faster than she was used to.

He was dedicated, driven and not bad in a gunfight. His biotic abilities almost rivaled hers, but she knew she still had the advantage, at least when she wasn’t drugged by a clone.

She trusted him and valued his opinion. So when he had questioned whether or not she had been talking with Liara, the real Shadow Broker, she had considered it.

When Shepard had done the same with her former boss, she had been hesitant, but eventually, she could see how she had been blinded. Cerberus had offered her protection from her father when she hadn’t had anywhere else to go. It was an opportunity to succeed in spite of what had been done to her, a way to save her sister, and she’d taken it. Without Shepard, she may never have come to realize how truly evil the organization was, and she knew that she would have died on Illium, trying to save Oriana.

But she had realized it, and Shepard had given her an opportunity to redeem herself, in a way. Once she was able to come out of hiding, that is. She contributed to the war effort as best she could, wanting to prove that Cerberus was behind her.

Liara had helped her to do that as well. By working closely with the Shadow Broker, she was able to do more good than she ever had with Cerberus, and it made her feel good. To think that something might have compromised their mission or that Liara was in danger had Miranda nervous. If Liara wasn’t Liara or she had been compromised, how long had it been going on?

The last time she’d seen her in person had been two months ago. Everything related to Shepard had been more recent than that and none of it had been conveyed in person. The possibility that something had gone wrong on her end was more apparent to her now, and she needed answers. She knew Liara wouldn’t withhold information from her; as far as she knew, she was one of her top agents. They were friends as well.

She had voiced her side of the story and her concerns, recounted how she had come to find out about Omega and the lead, to Kaidan as they tried to work out every possibility. Of course, their brainstorming session was much less professional than she was used to. She’d never talked tactics curled up against someone in bed, without any clothes on.

“Chances are, we could be walking into another trap,” she said, likely stating the obvious, as her hand moved lazily over his bare chest.

“Agreed,” was his answer, and he laughed. Miranda raised an eyebrow, wondering what was so funny, but he quickly informed her. “Let’s hope there aren’t any air ducts to crawl through. I’d look ridiculous in your suit.”

Miranda wasn’t acting like herself. With one look into his eyes, all of her inhibitions had flown out the window, and the discussion at hand was forgotten. She couldn’t fight her attraction to Kaidan, not now that they were doing… whatever this was with one another. They would figure it out later, after their mission was complete. For now, he was definitely a good form of stress relief.

She laughed and made eye contact with him. “You’re right, you would look ridiculous. Better to go through without any clothes on,” she paused to kiss his shoulder, “but that’s not very smart either, is it?” She looked up at him innocently before lifting her head and touching her lips to his neck.

“Tease,” he muttered as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“Oh, I never tease,” she assured him. Her tongue found his pulse point as her hand drifted lower, nails scraping along his chest before slipping underneath the sheet, moving lower still until she found her target.

The gasp that escaped his mouth was all she needed to hear.

*************

The entire crew was seated in the small mess hall for dinner. Joker, Thompson and the other two. Mueller and Weldon were their names. Miranda always made sure to get to know her crew enough to know if they could be trusted. They tended to stick to themselves, as did the doctor. Kaidan, of course, was seated across the table from her.

The two of them couldn’t keep their eyes off of one another, not that she was actively trying to avoid his gaze. In the past day, she had decided his eyes were at the top of her list of favorite things about him.

For the sake of morale, eye contact was the only thing they shared, other than the occasional foot brushing against the other’s under the table. Of course, no one on the ship was blind. She knew they’d seen Kaidan following her in and out of her quarters the night before and that morning. But she was a professional, and so was he. The displays of affection would be kept to a minimum.

They had a mission. They had to get to Liara.

Much to her dismay, the conversation was stuck on that of the clone. Thompson, Mueller and Weldon couldn’t stop talking about it, asking questions about what had happened on Omega.

They answered what they could, though as the questions kept coming, both Miranda and Kaidan started to get uncomfortable.

“So, what was it like? Did it feel like Shepard? Alenko, you and her were a thing, right?” Weldon stupidly asked, to which Kaidan shook his head, declining to answer. “Come on, Commander.”

“It’s called _tact_ , Rhys. Come on,” Joker said, and everyone at the table went silent. Weldon opened his mouth, presumably to pry further, but Miranda noticed and quickly spoke.

“I can’t speak for Kaidan, but Shepard would never be that cold, that cruel,” she said and nudged Kaidan’s foot under the table. “All of the technology in the world, and they could never duplicate who she was as a person. That dedication, that spark that makes you want to follow her to hell itself. That comes naturally.” She lifted her glass of wine from the table and sipped at it. “Trust me, I was made in a lab. _I know._ I will never have what she had.”

“I disagree,” Kaidan said quietly, and Miranda might not have heard it if she weren’t looking right at him. She smiled, and so did he.

When her attention turned back to Mueller and Weldon, they were speechless, save from the sound of them awkwardly shoving that night’s dinner down their throats. Joker was smirking, and the doctor looked bemused.

The conversation never drifted back to the clone. Mueller and Weldon quickly excused themselves, which lightened the mood immensely. Laughter filled the ship, which was sure to irritate the few crew members who had to remain at their posts, but Miranda wasn’t thinking of that. She was smiling, laughing. There was hope. Not for finding Shepard but for her - that she was more than her work, that she could have friends. But Kaidan, he was more than that, wasn’t he?

Eventually, Thompson excused herself, and it was the two of them and Joker sitting at the table, sharing drinks and reminiscing about their time on the Normandy, both versions of her.

“... And I kid you not, Garrus was sweet-talking the console in the main battery, purring at her in his own turian way, calling her baby,” cackled Joker. “Puts a whole new spin on calibrations, right?”

Miranda and Kaidan laughed, the alcohol they’d all consumed making them loud and unruly. It was late, and the crew was sleeping by now. “I always wondered about that,” Miranda said. “He was more infatuated than Goto was with Jacob.”

Joker’s face reddened at the mention of Kasumi, and Kaidan spoke before she did, “Something to share, Joker?”

“She was like a ninja. Always sporting that tactical cloak, you could never tell if she was there. Let’s just say EDI and I went off for a little alone time at the party Shepard threw, while you guys were upstairs throwing Vega around like a rag doll,” Miranda and Kaidan exchanged an amused glance, “and she was there, the whole time. Said something about Shepard’s underwear collection and left like it was nothing.”

“She was a bit odd,” Miranda said. “Charming, but odd.”

“I kept feeling something touching my ass that night,” Kaidan recalled, suddenly looking very confused. “You don’t think…”

Miranda and Joker could only laugh in response, which only further added to Kaidan’s shock.

“I guess Jacob wasn’t the only one she was interested in,” Miranda eventually said, and only then realized how much she and Kasumi had in common in the area of taste in men. She lifted her foot to run up Kaidan’s leg, and the smile on her face was wide, reaching her eyes.

She hadn’t laughed this much in a while, likely since that night with the crew of the Normandy. 

They remained in the mess chatting until Thompson came barreling out of the crew quarters barking about the hour and how some of them had jobs to do. Joker excused himself to the bridge, and Miranda and Kaidan shared a look before silently agreeing to bunk together yet again. It was becoming a pattern, and it was one she could get used to.

*************

Though the wounds were healing, she was still shaken from Omega, and she wasn’t quite ready to be alone. For that reason and some others, she was grateful for Kaidan’s presence in her bed. He radiated a warmth that she could get lost in. With him, she could relax.

But even his presence didn’t keep the nightmares at bay. Visions of her torture, of the clone, of Kaidan defending her, all frequented her mind as she slept. The clone turned into her father, and Kaidan into her sister, and she was helpless to stop it. Her father repeatedly hit her sister until she was no longer moving, while she was forced to watch.

She woke with a start, body covered in a cold layer of sweat. She was gasping for air.

Soon, she felt the warmth of his arms around her and of his lips on her bare shoulder. “Bad dream?” he asked, and she nodded, allowing herself to lean back against him.

“Nothing I can’t handle, go back to sleep, and that’s an order,” she answered and turned her head to look at him in the cover of darkness. He lifted a hand to brush a strand of unruly hair away from her face.

“I don’t take orders from you, remember? That was part of the deal,” he said before pressing a kiss to her shoulder.

“Consider it a request.”

“Well, I’m awake now.” His fingers glided down the skin of her arm, and suddenly she was very cold. She shivered at his touch. “And since you don’t want to talk, I won’t pry, but you could use a distraction...”

“A distraction?” she questioned innocently as her face moved closer to his. “That depends on what you have in mind, Alenko.”

“That’s Spectre Alenko to you,” he said playfully. His hand left her arm and moved to her stomach, fingers tracing patterns on the skin.

“I like the hoodie,” was the last thing she said and soon closed the distance between them, dreams forgotten as her lips brushed against his.

*************

Miranda awoke early, and found Kaidan still sleeping peacefully beside of her. She smiled at him and reached across the bed to touch the side of his face. He muttered something but didn’t stir. _Best to let him sleep_ , she thought as she carefully stepped out of her bed.

As she dressed in a pair of black pants and a white t-shirt, aiming to get in an hour or so at the gym before the day started, she couldn’t help but think about how surreal all of this was. Of all the things she’d ever imagined happening, being with Kaidan in a romantic sort of was had never been one of them. Yet, here she was, feeling almost like a teenager. They hadn’t put a label on it, and she still couldn’t be sure if it was serious, but she felt a strange connection to him, as if she could trust him with anything. And she had told him more in a few days than she’d told most. A run in with death could do that to a person, but the feelings had been there _before_ Omega.

She couldn’t explain it, but it really didn’t need an explanation, the more she thought about it. She could see herself being happy with him, if whatever this was led anywhere. There was a potential to love again, to open up and pursue something, to let down her walls and let someone in.

She couldn’t stop smiling, even as she left the safety of her quarters and went across the mess to the gym. It was empty, which was no surprise at this hour.

She started out with a warm up, basic weights and pull ups to stretch her limbs and wake up. The doctor had told her to limit her physical activity for a few days, so that her wounds could completely heal, but the itch to do something, to prepare herself for what could be waiting for them on Illium was too great.

She couldn’t face another Omega. She needed to be prepared. She had gotten distracted, let her guard down, and she had paid for it. _Kaidan had paid for it._ It wouldn’t happen again. She wouldn’t let it. The chances that Garrus would be there to save their asses this time was minimal, so they were truly on their own. They had gotten lucky on Omega, too lucky.

She channeled her anger over the situation into a punching bag. Punch after punch came, her body glowing blue as her biotics took over. The bag started teetering in its socket, and, with one last punch, went flying across the small room and landed on a supply crate. She wiped her sweat-covered forehead and sighed.

“Careful, or you’ll tear a hole in the ship,” came a voice from behind her. It was Kaidan. She turned around and smiled. “You okay, Miranda? You’re not supposed to be training rigorously, remember?”

“Need to be prepared,” she muttered as she strode across the room and picked up the punching bag. She began to secure it back on its hook, and Kaidan closed the distance between them and helped her finish the job.

“We have a few days until we dock.”

“It’s not enough. I can’t let,” she sighed. “Let Omega happen again” She looked down. “I can’t let anything happen to _you_. You could have died, because of me.”

“If I remember correctly, you almost died because I was too bulky for an air duct,” he said, and she thought he was joking, but there was no hint of amusement in his tone. She frowned.

“I should have turned back. I was distracted.”

“By what?”

“By you,” she admitted, and she hardly noticed him hovering in front of her until he raised a hand to lift her chin. “By what I might be feeling for you.”

“Well, is it going to distract you anymore?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“And why’s that?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“Because I have something to fight for?” she suggested, not quite sure of the answer, but she decided it would do. Apparently, Kaidan approved, as his lips soon met hers.

Miranda waited a moment to pull away. “I could get used to that,” she whispered.

“Me too,” he agreed. “Now, come on, you smell. I think you need a shower.”

He winced when she playfully slapped his arm, but he followed her to her private shower all the same. She hadn’t exactly given him an invitation, but she walked with an added sway in her hips, her silent way of enticing him to join her.

*************

A few hours later, after a lengthy shower and yet another workout, one that didn’t involve a gym, Miranda finally had to be the voice of reason and pull herself away so that they could check in with Joker. They separated so that Kaidan could put on clothes that weren’t from the night before, and Miranda headed to the bridge alone.

The sound of her heeled boots announced her arrival before she had entered the cockpit. “Miranda,” Joker greeted, turning around in his chair with a grin on his face.

“Good morning,” she replied. “You’re in a good mood.”

“Last night was good. Very good,” he declared. “I needed that.”

She nodded, and before she could ask for an update, he spoke again. “Had a dream about Garrus. He was running around in a cape like the heroes from the old comics, talking about justice and some shit. Weird.”

Miranda laughed. “Extremely. Speaking of, have you heard anything from him?”

“Not yet. Well, got a message from him. Said he’d send an update, that he had news.”

“What kind of news?” came a third voice, Kaidan’s, and he stepped beside of her, once again wearing his Spectre hoodie. Her thoughts drifted back to their conversation in the early hours of the morning, and she fought the smirk trying to crawl onto her face.

“What am I? Psychic?” Joker retorted.

As if on cue, the comm unit started beeping. It was Garrus. “Vakarian, you son of a bitch,” Joker greeted.

“Are Miranda and Kaidan there?”

“Yes,” they said at the same time and then shared a look. Joker rolled his eyes.

“Okay, good. I have to keep this short, I think they’re starting to suspect a mole,” said Garrus in a hushed tone. “They’re not on my trail yet.”

“Be careful,” Miranda said earnestly.

Garrus ignored the remark and continued. “New leader of the Omega suns surfaced. Just some subordinate, no signs of another clone, but there’s talk of Illium and Eclipse mercs, something about an alliance. This goes further than Aria, than Omega. They’re up to something, and I think the clones are involved. Don’t be surprised if you see another.”

“Fuck,” said Kaidan. “What do you think they’re planning?”

“Not sure,” replied Garrus. “But definitely check in with our mutual friend. Any word from her?”

“No,” Miranda replied. “We’re staying silent, just in case she might be compromised. If the gangs are planning something, who better to help their cause than the Shadow Broker herself?”

Kaidan nodded his head. “I agree, something’s not right. We’ll check in with you when we know something.”

“Fair enough. Stay safe, Alenko. You too, Miranda.”

Garrus disconnected, and Joker laughed. “It’s always something. Do we ever get a break?”

“Never,” Kaidan replied, shaking his head.

“Blue Suns, Eclipse,” she muttered. “I half expect the Blood Pack to be involved.”

“Vorcha give me the creeps,” Joker interjected.

Miranda sighed. “This doesn’t change anything. We go to Illium, find out what we can about Liara, and then we’ll see about investigating Eclipse. Knowing our luck, we’ll get to do both at the same time.”

“Wrapped up with a bow and everything,” Joker said.

“What do you know about them?” Kaidan asked.

She had forgotten how inexperienced he was with the operations of the Terminus Systems.

“They’re mainly biotics, and very intelligent. There’s not as much structure as within the Blue Suns, though. Their initiation ritual is rumored to involve murder. Their biggest business is smuggling. Drugs, mostly, and sometimes people.”

“Don’t forget Ardat-Yakshi,” chimed in Joker. “Though I’d be happier not knowing about them.”

Kaidan nodded his head. “So you’ve encountered them before?”

“A few times, on Omega and Illium alike,” answered Miranda. “They were part of the plot to take down Archangel, and we fought a group of them when Shepard helped me get my sister to safety.”

“There was the Sisterhood, remember? Killing one volus and drugging another. _I am a biotic god._ ”

“Did you monitor everything?” Miranda asked with a raised eyebrow, though her amusement was obvious.

“EDI did. I was an innocent bystander,” Joker said, and she might have missed the frown that flashed upon his features if she weren’t looking directly at him.

“Okay,” Kaidan said. “So they’re pretty hardcore. Mostly biotics, right?”

“Yes. Heavy weaponry too, the best of the best. They’re not a force to be taken lightly,” Miranda replied.

“Great,” Kaidan said, and she sensed the sarcasm in his tone. “We should probably step up our game, focus on training. Expect the unexpected, right?”

Miranda nodded in agreement. “Exactly. No better time than now to get started. We’re three days out from Illium, if we’re still on course.”

Her attention turned to Joker, and he nodded to confirm she was correct. “Excellent,” she continued. “No better time than now. I should get changed.”

She turned to leave the bridge, expecting Kaidan to follow. He did, but something seemed off. “Something on your mind?” she asked once they were away from Joker’s prying ears.

Kaidan shook his head. “No, I, it’s just - I was hoping for some alone time in the training room, if that’s okay.”

The stutter in his voice bothered her, but she didn’t question him. “Sure, go ahead. Come find me when you’re ready to start some training exercises,” she replied plainly and turned to walk away.

Something was on his mind, and he obviously wanted his space. He would tell her when he was ready. At least that was what she told herself.


	15. Kaidan

After telling Miranda that he wanted to spend some alone time training, he couldn’t help but hear the confusion in her voice, slightly mirrored by the confusion registering on his face. He wasn’t exactly lying, he needed the time apart.

Wait. Needed the time to train. Not the time apart. _Who am I kidding?_ He thought, as he entered the training room.

The biggest problem was that Kaidan felt conflicted, and he hadn’t felt this way in a long time. On one hand, he had a chance at something new and real with Miranda, if he wanted to give himself that chance. Never in a million years did he actually think they would ever get along, and now here he was, potentially falling for her. It was a dangerous place to be, especially for Kaidan. He had always been notorious in falling hard and fast, never really giving his head time to catch up with his heart.

Only, it hadn’t happened that way this time. He had despised Miranda at first, for who she had worked for, for how she had managed to bring Shepard back, how it always felt like there was something that Miranda might have been hiding. They hadn’t gotten off on the right foot, and that was the nicest way to say it.

But the more he got to know Miranda, the more he realized that she was just as vulnerable as he was when it came to Shepard, though he couldn’t really figure out the true reason as to why she was just as desperate to get to the bottom of things as he was.

That was just the thing, despite everything, despite his feelings for Miranda -- and there _were_ feelings -- he couldn’t help but wonder if Miranda was still hiding something now. He trusted her, and that was the worst part. Knowing that he trusted her to watch his six, to see him at his most vulnerable, and yet there was still something in the back of his head saying something was off, well it wasn’t the most comforting.

It was what brought him into the training room, just reacting to things blindly now, trying to at least trust his instincts when he was too scared to trust his heart. Kaidan had always trusted his heart first before everything else, now he wasn’t sure.

By the time Kaidan realized and remembered he was still in the training room, everything around him was floating in a biotic blue glow, including Kaidan himself. He sighed and concentrated, letting everything drop to the floor slowly and then he let himself follow suit.

He was exhausted, sweating, and still not feeling like things were better. He had needed the time to think, but he wasn’t sure he was even capable of doing _that_ right now. His head was telling him to stay way, to figure things out, while his heart was telling him to just go to Miranda’s room, to kiss her hard, and hear her call out his name.

Kaidan grabbed a towel on his way out of the training room, and headed down the hall towards the living quarters, and as he started towards Miranda’s room, a voice in the back of his head perked up, _You don’t really know what you’re doing with her, do you?_. He stood there in the hallway for a moment, as if he was having an internal battle with himself, before he gave in and let his head win over his heart.

Kaidan closed his eyes and sighed before he headed in the opposite direction to his room instead.

It was going to be a long night.

*********************

“Alenko, you awake?” Joker’s voice came over the intercom and Kaidan sat up in bed, rubbing at his eyes.

“Yeah,” He responded, realizing that he hadn’t slept most of the night. Or at all. Any attempt at sleeping hadn’t worked and he ended up spending the night thinking. Thinking about Shepard, about Miranda, about how both of these women during his involvement with them seemed to be hiding something at some point.

It was enough to make a man disappointed. In himself.

“Okay, well get up here when you can, we’re about an hour out from Illium. Joker out.”

Kaidan ran a hand through his hair and pushed up off the bed, heading off to the shower. He couldn’t exactly hide in his quarters forever.

Within twenty minutes Kaidan was heading up to the cockpit, where Miranda was already waiting with Joker. They were in the middle of talking about something, but the conversation stopped. If Kaidan wanted to show a sense of confusion, he didn’t as he just walked up to the other side of Joker’s chair.

“Hey.”

“Kaidan, are you alright?” Miranda asked, and Kaidan looked over at her with a smile and nod.

“Yeah, I’m great!” He said, doing his best to play down his insecurities, “Just wanted to try out a few things before we land.”

He couldn’t tell if she bought it or not, as he looked away after he spoke, and brought his attention to the screens. Joker informed them they were landing soon, and whatever they needed to get, do so. He was going to do the same.

“What?” Kaidan asked, “You’re coming with us?”

“Nah, I need shore leave. If you guys run into trouble, I don’t feel like breaking anything. I also resent the shock in your voice, so um, fuck you Commander. Respectfully. Of course.” He waved them off, as the Asari military called in docking protocols. Within a few moments, they were docked and ready to head out into Illium. Kaidan met with Miranda at the doors and headed out with her, offering yet another cheerful smile her way, trying his best to ease her confusion (or anything else) over how he had acted the night before.

Besides, he didn’t know what the hell _he_ was thinking lately, so trying to ease Miranda’s mind would be just as if he was trying to ease his own. The war had made everyone paranoid that something else was around the corner, and Kaidan wondered that too.

He wondered if it would work.

*********************

“Where do you think we’ll be able to find her?” Miranda wondered, and Kaidan looked over to her and shrugged.

“You haven’t seen her here?”

Miranda shook her head, “No, I didn’t come with Shepard when she went to help Liara, Garrus did. At that point I had too much of my own mess to clean up.”

The pair walked out of the main hallway and into the trading floor of Illium, voices carrying over the sounds of the stock market announcements. Illium was still not the beautiful place it had once been thanks to the war, but like all other places, after a year they were starting to rebuild. Everyone seemed to be dressed in their own armor though, in case anything happened, so Miranda and Kaidan managed to not stick out like sore thumbs.

For the first time, Kaidan found he was happy that others seemed to be just as paranoid as he seemed to be right now.

A beep came from Kaidan’s Omni-tool and he stopped walking, reading the message that came up, and Miranda stopped and turned to look at him. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s a message from Liara, actually…” Kaidan said, raising an eyebrow and looking at Miranda, “So I’m not sure if we can trust it, but it has an address and a nav point. We’ll have to get a car.”

They both looked around before Miranda pointed over to a taxi stand a few blocks away, “We can call a car there,” she said and they started to walk that way, a weird awkward silence falling between them. This wasn’t like Omega where there was silence but it wasn’t bad. Something felt off. Something felt wrong.

“Miranda,” Kaidan said finally, a block or so away from the taxi stand, “I want to apologize for last night, if you thought I was a bit…”

“...off?” Miranda interrupted, though her voice was calm and collected. “I know that if something was seriously wrong, you would tell me.” As they reached the taxi stand, her hand brushed Kaidan’s arm, causing him to turn around to look at her. “You would tell me, right?”

Kaidan couldn’t help but feel guilty, the way that Miranda looked at him caused him to feel like all the strange things he thought he was noticing was all just in his head. That had to be it. It made sense after all, Kaidan had refused to let himself feel any sort of happiness for over a year, out of the guilt of losing Shepard, it made sense he felt bad about it now. He couldn’t hold on to Shepard for ever, especially now when it seemed like the only Shepard that was alive were clones.

“Of course.” He said, and believed it completely when he said it. Kaidan leaned forward and kissed Miranda softly on the lips to prove his point, and when they broke apart, they called the taxi.

Despite believing his words though, he frowned slightly as they got in the car and Miranda paid the taxi driver to leave and let them take over.

*********************

Landing and parked outside Liara’s apartment, Kaidan and Miranda approached the apartment with caution. It made sense to, they had no idea what was waiting for them on the other side of Liara’s door -- at least that was what Kaidan told himself as they knocked on the door, waiting for an answer.

They were preparing to barge in when the door clicked and slid open and Liara stood in front of them, her left arm in a sling, her left eye bruised, and her lip cut and wounded. “Kaidan. Miranda.” She said with a soft happiness to see them playing in the tone of her voice, as she stepped to the side and let them in as the door slid shut behind them.

While Liara walked more into her apartment, Miranda followed her, while Kaidan was more careful in walking around, looking at his surroundings. Planning out exits if he needed to.

Liara apparently caught this, and she spoke up, “Major, it’s me. I’m alone, but you’re free to do a scan if you want.” Her voice sounded more dejected now, as she moved over to one of her couches and sunk down into it.

“Liara, what happened? Did you know about Omega?” Miranda asked, her tone of voice rough and angry, not exactly hiding her distaste for what had happened. Kaidan would have stopped her, but he honestly felt the same way.

“Did I know about the clone, is that what you’re asking?” Liara shot back, as much venom in her voice as Miranda had, and Kaidan found himself shocked to see his old friend speak like that. He had only seen that anger directed towards the enemy, not her allies. Then again, if he was in that position…

Hadn’t he already been in that position? He had lashed out at Miranda when they first met, and he was holding things back from her now, maybe he was just the same as Liara was.

He took a seat next to Liara, and put a hand on her shoulder. She flinched slightly, but looked at Kaidan.

“Liara, we just...we’re just trying to figure out what happened.”

“Kaidan, you have to believe me. I didn’t know she was a clone.”

“How didn’t you know? You were there when we fought her before, you’re the shadow broker.”

Liara’s eyes fell and she kept her glance away from the two sitting next to her. Kaidan felt guilty putting all his confusion and frustration on her, but there was no where else to put it.

“I fell for it. I wanted to believe so badly that she was alive,” Liara said, lifting her head, “And she said all the right things. She knew things only Shepard would have known. Which is why I should have said something, because she came to me after you guys had already landed in Omega.”

“ _What_?” Miranda’s anger came through, as she stared at Liara, “You knew we were heading into disaster?”

“I tried to warn you!” Liara stood up off the couch, and stared back at Miranda, “I tried to send out a message, but Shepard -- she figured me out, and she stopped me. She told me that she was a clone, and that the Shepard on Omega...she was one too. That there are at least a dozen of them out there, and they’re all trying to take us down.” Liara looked over to Kaidan, “She said the one we faced on the Citadel was only one of them, but she was the best one they had so far.”

“Did you ask about the real Shepard?” Kaidan asked, his voice ringing out as the calmer of the three of them. _That_ was saying something, considering inside he wanted to scream.

“I tried to,” Liara said, and then gestured with her good arm to the arm in the sling, “I got knocked out and ended up on the floor. If Feron hadn’t come in to check on me, I don’t know what would have happened. He said it was pretty bad.”

Kaidan sighed, rubbing at his chin. He hadn’t shaved in a while, and a beard was growing in. Kaidan had been all about the changes lately, and this was just another one that he was embracing, though he was starting to wonder if he was trying too hard to change his life too quickly. Of course he would have been roped back into the saga of Shepard, and he had hoped that she was still alive. Liara had hoped, Miranda had hoped, Kaidan had hoped. Maybe they couldn’t just live on hope anymore.

Still, that was all that Kaidan felt he could hold onto.

“Okay, so now what?” Kaidan said, standing up, leaving only Miranda on the couch alone. “We have this clone that talked to you, and she said there are more? We have to get rid of them, right?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Kaidan could see Miranda shifting on the couch, and felt her eyes focused on him. “Of course we do, we just need to figure out where they are. What I don’t understand, is why they are targeting us. Why haven’t the clones tried to reach out to anyone else?” Miranda cleared her throat, and Kaidan looked over to her curiously, just as Miranda focused on Liara.

Liara shrugged. “It’s most likely because of our connections to Shepard. I considered her my best friend, both of you were in relationships with her…”

“I suppose that...wait.” Kaidan started, but raised an eyebrow and looked at Liara, “Can you repeat what you just said?”

“What?”

“The connections with Shepard, you said we both had relationships with her. That’s not true, only I did.” Kaidan’s heart picked up pace, and he suddenly felt a little sick. If anything it was as if what he was trying to push out of his head was coming to the forefront. Miranda _had_ been hiding something. She _was_ more invested in finding Shepard, because she had been where Kaidan was.

Was he seriously sleeping with his ex-girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend? What sort of sick love triangle did he get into?

He continued, “That’s not true.”

Miranda stood up, looking at Liara and then looked at Kaidan, “Kaidan, you already knew this…” She approached him and placed a hand on his arm but he backed away, finching from her touch.

“That you were in love with my girlfriend?” Kaidan shot back, “No, I’m pretty sure I didn’t know that. What else are you hiding from me, Miranda?” The anger shooting through him caused his biotics to flair up slightly, the blue flickers of power dancing over his fingertips, though that was as far as he was going to let it go. He was angry, but he wasn’t about to hurt anyone.

Still, this caused Miranda to take a step back, and Liara held up her hand in a placating gesture, “Kaidan, it doesn't matter anymore, it doesn’t change things. We don’t even know if Shepard is alive anymore, we ---”

As Kaidan stood in Liara’s living room, staring at Miranda with betrayal in his eyes, Miranda stood back with shock and hurt in hers. He didn’t care what she thought, he just hated that she lied. Liara though, was interrupted by a message coming up on her vid screen on the wall behind them.

“ _Liara, come in. Liara, are you there?_ ”

Liara walked over to the vid screen and Kaidan followed her, standing behind her as a drell came up on the screen. “Feron, I’m here.”

“Good, I’m glad you’re okay.” Feron spoke with a tone of worry, something that Kaidan was familiar with. It was the same tone he had used when Miranda finally woke up at Aria’s, when he realized he cared for her. At least Liara didn’t have the lies holding her back.

That must have been nice.

“What’s wrong?” Liara asked, and Feron’s looked to his left at the unseen thing in the distance, and brought up his omni tool.

“Hold on, let me get it on your screen.” Feron pressed something on his omni tool, and the screen went black before it showed a surveillance video of a woman looking like Shepard on the Citadel. “We found this about an hour ago, we wanted to make sure we weren’t seeing things. It looks like another one of the clones is on the Citadel.”

“What has it been doing?” Kaidan chimed in, staring at the screen knowing exactly where in the Citadel the clone was. The screen went black and went back to Feron again, the drell nodding towards Kaidan with respect.

“Hello Spectre Alenko.” Feron pressed a few more things on his omni tool, “I’ve sent the video feed to your omni tool and Liara’s, it looks like the clone has been hanging around the casino, and has been heading towards Shepard’s old apartment. We have operatives in place to --”

“I’ll handle it.” Kaidan said, and Liara and Miranda both looked at him, shocked.

“Kaidan, you shouldn’t go alone, I’ll go with you--” Miranda started, standing tall and confident, but Kaidan glared at her.

“ _No_. You won’t come fucking near me, Miranda. I _trusted_ you. I need someone I trust covering my six, and right now, that person isn’t you.” Kaidan looked back at the vid screen, “Feron, send me the location of the operative closest to the apartment, tell them to keep and eye out but to not approach. I’m heading there now.”

Kaidan gathered the things he had left at Liara’s door, and without a look back he headed out the door and down to the car waiting.

*********************

By the time he reached the docking bay, he had already called Joker to get back on the ship. So when he walked on the ship alone, Joker looked confused.

“Hey, where’s Miranda?”

“She had something better to do, she’s not on this mission anymore.” Kaidan said, a cold tone to his voice. “We’re heading to the citadel, Joker. Let’s go.”

“Aye, aye.” Joker said, and Kaidan wasn’t sure if Joker was looking at him funny or not, because at that point Kaidan had already left the cockpit and headed towards his private quarters.

If anyone was going to solve this mission, it was going to be him. Kaidan finally realized that he was right, that the reason he had never tried to move on before was because he could never fully trust anyone before. He had been a fool to try to trust Miranda, and he had been a fool to fall for her.

What hurt the most was just how bad he felt, just how betrayed he felt. He had opened up to Miranda, and she had sworn and seemed to open up to him, and yet there was one big thing in the way. _Jennifer Shepard_. Had Miranda even cared for Kaidan, or was it all a ploy to get him invested in her, so that she could get Jennifer back? Kaidan felt used.

So it only made sense that Kaidan would use all the resources Miranda had gathered for them, and use them for himself. Because at least he knew he could trust his head, even when he could never trust his heart again.


	16. Miranda (and a special appearance by Grunt)

Miranda tried to follow Kaidan, but Liara stopped her.

“Liara, I have to go after him,” she said, a hint of pleading showing through her otherwise blank expression. She did her best to keep her feelings at bay, though she had a feeling Liara knew better. “He could jeopardize - “

The asari placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Kaidan will be fine.”

“How do you know - “ Before she could finish her statement with _he’s reckless, he’ll get himself killed >, Liara interrupted again._

_“Because we’re going with him. He just won’t be aware of it.”_

_“Good.”_

_“Now, why don’t you tell me what I’ve missed? It appears something has been going on with you and the Major.” Liara took a seat on her sofa and motioned for Miranda to join her._

_She did._

_Miranda filled her in on everything. On Omega, how her emotions and confusion about Kaidan had compromised the mission, how they’d nearly died and how she was certain that had caused whatever brief romantic entanglement they’d had. It was a lie, at least one Mirand was telling herself to keep from facing how real her feelings might be. Liara seemed surprised but never interrupted._

_When Miranda finished with, “And now we’re here,” Liara frowned._

_“That explains why he was so upset.” Her omni-tool beeped. “Come on, that’ll be our ship ready to go. He has a few hours on us, but we’ll get there. Don’t worry.”_

_Miranda nodded, and they left Liara’s apartment and boarded a shuttle to the docking bay._

__

*************

They had been traveling for two days.

It was easier to get to the Citadel than anywhere in the galaxy, but their travel time still wasn’t what Miranda wanted it to be. Kaidan had a few hours head start _and_ the best pilot in the galaxy. She knew he wasn’t thinking clearly, clouded with the emotions of her apparent betrayal. Anything could happen in the few hours they lagged behind him.

_He could get killed because of me._

It made Miranda sick. _I thought he knew. Shepard surely would have told him._ Ever since leaving Illium, she had been hidden away in one of the darker corners of Liara’s ship, trying to work through her feelings so she could go after Kaidan with a clear head. _Unless, it didn’t mean anything to her._

Miranda had come to terms for her feelings for Shepard a long time ago. It was no longer romantic, only platonic, and she still cared for Jennifer as a friend. That was it. To think Kaidan believed she had ulterior motives made her want to explain herself. Even if he never spoke to her again, which admittedly she wouldn’t blame him for, she _had_ to clear the air.

She had opened her heart to Kaidan, let him in and come to trust him in a short amount of time. It had clouded her judgment and nearly gotten them killed on Omega.

It wasn’t like her. She remembered hearing something about how love made a person do things they normally wouldn’t. _Love. This can’t be love. It’s barely been a month since we were at each other’s throats on the Citadel._

Of course, that hadn’t stopped her from falling for Shepard in the same amount of time.

She realized now that Shepard had always had eyes for Kaidan, and she was starting to understand why. Miranda had been a distraction for her, nothing more, and it didn’t bother her like she imagined it might have a few years ago.

Shepard was behind her, but she owed it to the woman who had saved her life, and her sister’s, to try and stop this (and find her if she was out there, but Miranda didn’t have much hope that she was).

It wasn’t about Miranda, nor was it about Kaidan. It was about Shepard and honoring her memory. The clones needed to be eradicated, all of them. They were a disgrace, using Shepard’s name to try and… well, she had no idea what their plan was aside from killing everyone Shepard ever cared about. _It’s not a bad plan, not really. Get rid of us, and there’s no one to question her identity._

Eventually, she heard footsteps, and she looked up to find Liara walking towards her. _Damn it, she found me._ Miranda had made it perfectly clear she wanted to be alone.

“Miranda, I know you’re in here,” Liara said. “I didn’t wish to disturb you, but I thought you might want an update.”

Miranda sighed and stood from her hiding place, looking as if nothing was bothering her by the time her face came out of the shadows.

“What is it?”

“I spoke with Joker,” she started. “He didn’t believe it was me at first, but I let him know what happened on Illium and to stall for time so that we don’t arrive hours after him.”

“Good thinking, Liara. Who knows what Kaidan will do? He’s had time to stir in whatever he’s feeling. You know how he can be.”

Liara actually laughed, which made Miranda break her straight face and smile. “I do,” she said. “That’s precisely why I called Jeff.”

Miranda nodded. “Anything else?”

“I sent invitations to a few of Shepard’s old squadmates, luring them to her apartment on the Silversun Strip. Jacob Taylor, Kasumi Goto, James Vega and Urdnot Grunt responded. I made it appear as if Samantha was throwing a party. I didn’t think it best to let them know about the threat. If the clone suspects anything, it could simply attack them, and we don’t want that.”

“So, should a clone attempt to break in, we can secure one and find out what it knows?”

Liara nodded, though something in her expression gave Miranda the impression she was worried.

“What is it?”

“James insisted on bringing a date. Do you remember Diana Allers?”

Miranda’s eyes widened. “Who could forget her?”

**LATER, ON THE CITADEL...**

Grunt had better things to do than sit on a couch and… talk. He didn’t like talking. But he liked James Vega, who had invited him. He was a worthy opponent, and Grunt would be honored to destroy him in battle if he was ever able to.

For now, he was a friend. Grunt didn’t have many of those these days.

He missed Shepard.

Some others were there, in Shepard’s apartment, the one that the Spectre and the weird one had moved into. Samantha was her name. She was weak. He could break her with minimal effort.

But he didn’t. Apparently, that was frowned upon. And he had to admit, he liked her too.

The Spectre was nowhere to be seen. It was him, James, Samantha, Jacob, Kasumi, and the strange looking Alliance reporter (he didn’t care about her enough to remember her name). He didn’t know what she was there, but James didn’t seem to mind. Probably breeding with her or something.

Grunt didn’t understand humans at all.

Yet, here he was, sitting in a room full of them, bored, wanting to kill something.

They were laughing, but he didn’t get the joke.

The reporter one with the inflated chest was talking about her interview with a hanar. All Grunt could think about was why they couldn’t wear sweaters. He didn’t even know where the thought came from.

Her voice was irritating. He wanted to shut her up with his shotgun.

Damn humans and their rules. He shook his head and drowned out her voice.

The doorbell rang. And then it did again. Again. Over and over.

Grunt yelled, irritated, and charged toward the door. The last time he’d stood at the screen, he was rejecting party crashers and having a good time doing it.

Shepard had even helped.

He turned on the screen and pushed the comm button, about to yell for their unwanted guest to go away.

And then he saw her.

“Shepard,” he said flatly, quietly, and then he turned to the group.

They hadn’t heard him.

“ _Shepard_ ,” he was louder this time, voice booming, and that got their attention.

“Are you loco, Grunt? Shepard’s dead,” James said, confused.

“Then why’s she trying to get in?” Grunt asked.

“She can’t be,” responded Jacob in disbelief.

One by one, the group rushed to the screen. “We should call Hackett,” Kasumi suggested, already typing something into her omni-tool.

“Bet it’s another clone,” the reporter said, appearing bored. Grunt wanted to smash her head in.

“I think we should let her in,” said Grunt, and he jumped, beating his fists together, eyes on the reporter, daring her to speak again.“If it’s a clone, I will kill it.”

“Calm down, Grunt. No one said anything about killing. I just cleaned,” Samantha said, looking worried. “We should call for backup.”

“Already on it,” Kasumi said, coming out of her cloak, halfway across the room. “I’m going to… hide before Grunt, or our guest, kills us.”

With that, she disappeared again.

“Not a bad plan,” Jacob admitted. “We should get weapons, scatter. Someone greet her, and we’ll provide cover.”

“I will greet her,” Grunt said, determined.

“Whoa, cowboy,” James said. “The Alliance is going to want her alive. I’ll do it.”

“Fine,” he muttered, storming away to hide behind a nearby pillar.

“I’ll provide cover from up here,” Kasumi chirped from the upstairs balcony. “Alliance is on their way. ETA ten minutes.”

“Okay,” James spoke. “Jacob, behind the couch. Traynor, get a pistol and go to the kitchen.”

“What about me?” the reporter said sweetly.

“Just try to stay out of the way,” Grunt hissed.

“Upstairs with Kasumi, Diana. You’re no soldier.”

James gave a pointed look to Grunt. “Heh, heh, heh,” he muttered, actually smiling as his friend stepped up to the monitor to make contact.

“Who are you, and what do you want?”

“I’m Jennifer,” the woman answered. “I was told to come here by a mutual friend, that I could find help here.”

James mouthed ‘liar’ to himself before speaking again. “Look, you look a lot like someone I know, someone _who died_ a long time ago. And you have her name. How can we trust you?”

“I’m a clone,” the woman said. Grunt jumped, ready to kill her, _aching_ to kill her.

“The last clone we ran into tried to kill us.”

“I’m not like that. I’m _with_ Commander Shepard. She sent me here because she can’t come herself.”

Grunt heard a few gasps from around the room. That didn’t make any sense.

“Commander Shepard is dead,” James said.

“Why’s she working with clones?” Jacob asked quietly.

“Why _wouldn’t_ she?” Kasumi chimed in. “An army of clones would be beneficial.”

“No, Jacob’s right,” Samantha said. “This has to be a clone, _both_ of them. If they’re unifying, that’s trouble for us all.”

“I’m going to let you in, but we’re going to make sure you’re unarmed. You make a move, and you’re dead. Fair?”

“Okay.”

Grunt pulled his shotgun from its holster on his back. He steadied in his hands and waited for his chance to kill.

A minute later, the clone was standing in front of the door, and James was scanning her for weapons. Grunt’s shotgun was aimed for her chest. He knew Samantha was aiming for her head.

Maybe she wasn’t weak after all.

“Clean. Sit down, but try anything, and you’re dead, remember?”

The clone nodded. Grunt sensed fear. There was no way this was Shepard. She never let her fear show so easily.

James followed the clone, never taking his eyes off her, and they sat on the couch opposite from Jacob. Grunt’s shotgun followed.

“What do you want?” James asked after a beat of silence.

“Help. Shepard needs your help.”

“With what?”

“Clones. More of me, ones that have her memories. They’re all over the galaxy, trying to secure footholds to take over. They almost succeeded on Omega and Illium. They’re both dead, though.”

“Who killed them?”

"Kaidan Alenko and Miranda Lawson killed the one on Omega." She said the names as if she didn't know the people she was talking about. "Shepard believes Liara T'Soni killed the other."

James looked surprised, and he heard Samantha and Jacob gasp.

“What does she need from us?”

“Her team, people she can trust.”

 _Or loose ends to tie up,_ Grunt thought to himself. _Kill us all and no one could question her identity._

His finger hovered over the trigger. He didn’t trust her. _Shepard wouldn’t send a clone._

Before anyone could say anything else, Alliance soldiers came running through the door. Grunt came out of hiding, aiming his gun at the clone. The rest of the group did as well.

They secured the clone in restraints and began to lead her out of the apartment.

“I didn’t even get to shoot her,” Grunt complained, slouching, visibly disappointed. “Humans don’t know how to throw a party.”

*************

By the time they reached the Citadel, Miranda could not get off the ship fast enough. A message from Joker told them they were 15 minutes behind Kaidan.

Miranda and Liara were both dressed in their combat suits, armed with only hidden pistols and their biotics. They moved swiftly through the Silversun Strip until they were at the rapid transit station near Shepard’s apartment.

“Are those Blue Suns at the entrance?” Liara questioned. Miranda looked closely. On first glance, they looked like Alliance soldiers, but their stature and their weaponry told her a different story.

“Good eye.” She nodded. “Clever bastards.”

“We need another way in.”

Miranda remembered the alternate route she and Kaidan had taken their first night together. “Come on, I know a way. I’d wager Kaidan will have gone through here.”

She easily found the same alley they’d went through before and guided Liara down it, pulling her pistol as she walked, and a familiar clicking sound told her Liara had done the same.

When they reached the stairwell, it was already down. “That’s not right. Kaidan would have secured it,” she commented. “Something’s not right.”

They slowly and quietly climbed the stairs. When they reached the construction, Miranda saw a flash of blue armor near the exit. _Kaidan._ She signalled Liara, and they both made a move to move forward.

That’s when Miranda saw it.

It was a mere flash, but Miranda knew a cloaked figure when she saw it, and it was heading straight toward Kaidan, who seemed completely unaware.

Shouting would get him killed faster. She moved forward quickly and threw an overload at the figure, whose cloak and shield failed with the hit. Liara threw a singularity soon after, and the figure was floating helplessly in the air. Miranda took aim, and a shot fired before she could fire her gun.

Kaidan lowered his weapon. “Thanks,” he muttered, his expression one of anger instead of gratitude.

Miranda said nothing as she and Liara moved to greet him. Her eyes never met his. She was fearful of what she might find behind them.

“I guess it was too much to ask that you two wouldn’t follow,” Kaidan growled.

“You should know better, Kaidan,” replied Liara. “Have you seen anything?”

“Not yet.” He moved forward into the main hallway of Shepard’s floor. “Come on.”

They followed. By the time they reached the entrance, the door was opening and an array of Alliance soldiers were spilling out with a prisoner in tow. It was a clone.

Miranda surveyed the clone. Something seemed different about this one. Her hair was longer, unruly, and her face looked tired. There was a hint of a scar on her neck underneath the armor. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Kaidan and Liara looking with the same skepticism.

The clone looked at her, and it looked confused, almost as if it recognized her but didn’t know who she was.

One of the soldiers noticed Kaidan and saluted him. Kaidan returned the gesture. “At ease.”

“We’re holding her at C-Sec. I’ll make sure you’re the first to question her.”

“Thanks, lieutenant. _I’ll_ be by shortly.” 

“There were some Blue Suns by the entrance to the building when we came through,” Miranda warned. “Did you apprehend them?”

“They scattered when they saw us coming, ma’am.”

The marines continued toward the exit, and the three of them walked into the apartment.

“Humans don’t know how to throw a party,” came a rugged voice. _Grunt_.

“Hello, Grunt,” Miranda greeted.

Before anyone could say anything, Samantha broke through the crowd at the door and threw herself at Kaidan.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she greeted as she pulled away from the hug.

“That’s up for debate,” Kaidan said dryly, and Miranda could feel his gaze on her. She didn’t return it.

“What happened here?” Liara asked, changing the subject, her eyes on James Vega.

“You saw the clone, Doc. She tried to tell us she’s working for the commander and that she needed us to help her stop who was trying to kill her friends.”

Grunt laughed. “She was lying. They wouldn’t let me shoot her.”

“Of course she was lying,” James replied. “Shepard’s dead.” He looked to Liara. “She is dead, right?”

“As far as we know,” Liara said grimly.

“Didn’t that clone look different than the rest?” Miranda chimed in.

“What of it?” Kaidan said, voice laced with hostility. “Miranda, she’s dead. Let it go. It’s just another fucking trick. Stop getting our hopes up.”

Before she could answer, Kaidan walked away and up the stairs, likely to his bedroom.

She let it go without another word, though something was bothering her about this clone. _Maybe I should just let it go._

She put it out of her mind and moved to where Jacob was standing, arms crossed over his chest. He grinned.

“Miranda.”

“Jacob,” she replied. “How’s that baby of yours?”

“Jenny’s growing like a weed,” he answered proudly, pulling up a photo on his omni-tool as he spoke. An infant with a head of black hair and brown eyes filled the screen.

“She’s beautiful.”

“I know,” he replied, and Miranda laughed. “So, how’d you get pulled into this?”

“Liara, of course,” was her answer. Jacob didn’t seem surprised.

*************

Everyone remained for a while, talking and reminiscing about old times. Miranda lingered close to Jacob and Kasumi, finding security in their non-hostile demeanor. Grunt and James were having a head-butting competition in the gym; Diana had grown bored and left ( _much to everyone’s disappointment_ ); Samantha and Liara were in the kitchen, cooking a meal for everyone; and Kaidan had yet to return from his bedroom.

Miranda tried not to think about it, but her thoughts constantly drifted back to him and what had happened on Illium. In the blink of an eye, things had gone from a little awkward to hostile. Something had been bothering him before they found Liara, but finding out about her past with Shepard had sent him over the edge.

A few minutes more, and she couldn’t stop herself from excusing herself and moving swiftly up the stairs.

Before she could even knock on the door, a hissed, “What do you want, Miranda?” came from inside the room.

“A few minutes of your time,” she pleaded. “To apologize.”

“An apology’s not going to fix this,” he answered. “But come in, I think I want to hear this.”

She entered the room and found him, sans armor, sitting at his desk, where it appeared he had been looking at photos of Shepard. She frowned.

“I swear to you I thought you knew,” she said. “It was never my intention to lie to you.”

Kaidan laughed cruelly and glared at her, but he didn’t say a word. For the first time, Miranda matched his glare and made no move to leave.

When he didn’t push her out of the room, she continued, “It happened before the Collectors, _we thought we were going to die_.”

“It doesn’t fucking matter _why_ it happened,” Kaidan yelled, so loudly that Miranda took a step back. “It matters that you didn’t think to tell me. It doesn’t matter if you _thought_ I knew. Because I didn’t know. And now I know _why_ you wanted to help.”

“If you think I did this for anyone other than Shepard, you are sorely mistaken.”

“So I’m stupid now?” he barked. “Yeah, I guess I am. I trusted _you_ , after all.”

Miranda was so taken back she couldn’t speak.

“So, did you think about her while we were having sex?” he asked, voice cruel, body turning blue as his biotics flared. “Because I know I did. You’re nothing to me, Miranda.”

Without another word, she turned and walked out of the room before she could let her emotions show. His words had stung her more than she thought they would. _He can’t mean that._ She wasn’t going to stick around to find out. The crashing sound that came from behind her told her it was for the best. _At least I tried._

Without so much as a goodbye, she stormed out of Shepard’s apartment and took a shuttle to her own. By the time she reached the Presidium, her anger was boiling to the surface, impossible to control. She held on until she reached her apartment Once safely inside, she channeled all of her energy into a warp and threw it across the room at her coffee table.

Before she could do anything else, her omni-tool started to flash.

_Liara._

“What do you need?” she greeted calmly, as if everything was perfectly fine.

“Kaidan is going to speak with the prisoner. I’m setting up base at his apartment. When he talks to her - _it_ \- I’ll let you know.”

“I doubt Kaidan wants me around.”

“Well, _I_ do. I’ll have a talk with him. You two need to put whatever this is aside. Getting rid of the clones is more important than hurt feelings and bruised egos.”

Miranda nodded. “Right, of course. Keep me updated.”


	17. Kaidan

“So, did you think about her while we were having sex?” he asked, voice cruel, body turning blue as his biotics flared. “Because I know I did. You’re nothing to me, Miranda.”

Kaidan’s words felt harsh on his own tongue and it felt worse coming out, and part of him fought the urge to wince at his own anger, but that was a small part of him. The rest of him was still brilliant biotic blue, the light in his eyes not as bright as it usually was. This was Kaidan as his most pure anger state, and he hadn’t been this way in a long time.

When Miranda left, he had used his biotics to lift the lamps near him and slammed them against the wall just as the door slid and clicked shut. As the debris of the lamps shattered to the ground, Kaidan allowed himself to do the same. His anger and biotics flair had caused him to stand up and act out in anger, but now that he was alone, the wall around him fell and he found himself sliding down the wall he was near, hitting the floor with a loud thud.

Yes, he had been completely foolish. Did he really have a right to think this way? He had tried to move on while Shepard was gone before, he had gone on a few dates. Hell, he had met a woman he thought it might have worked out with, but he couldn’t get past his issues, and she seemed to be using him for the little fame that he brought. His heart hadn’t been in it anyway -- he had only been in love with one woman in his life, and that had been Shepard.

The biotics still danced along his skin, his eyes cast down at his fingers, watching the glow as he refused to fully let himself calm down.

The worst of it, was when Shepard came back, she told Kaidan that she loved him, that she had always and would always love him. That there had been no one else. He had believed it, because he wanted to believe it. She had no reason to lie to him. He had been the one in the hospital right? What possible reason would you have to lie to someone wounded badly?

_To make them feel better, of course_.

Well, that was one way of putting it.

Kaidan’s eyes lifted from his glare at his fingers and focused on a point above his bed. The room reminded him of Shepard. The whole damn fucking place did, and maybe it was time he just gave up everything. Give up the ghost of Shepard for good, because running around the Galaxy at less than FTL speeds chasing people who looked like her weren’t doing him any good. It was giving him false hope that his life could be what it was before.

A life of pain and heartache, of always wondering if the woman he loved would be okay or would come back alive this time.   
Okay, maybe he didn’t want _that_ life anymore. Maybe he just wanted a life where he felt like _himself_ again, because Kaidan Alenko wasn’t even sure who Kaidan Alenko _was_ anymore.

Still, Shepard had lied by omission, left out the part that she had been with Miranda, possibly even loved her. It wasn’t the fact that Shepard was with a woman that bothered him -- Kaidan had his own share of ex-boyfriends in his past, and he would never be one to judge -- it was the lie. _Kaidan, I love you, I always have. It has always been you._ She repeated it throughout the war, and he clung to that, because he needed to.

Maybe that was all Shepard had been, something he could cling to. Maybe that was all he had been for her, something she could cling to.

It was no lie that Kaidan loved Jennifer Shepard. He loved her with every piece of himself, and he hadn’t given himself fully to another person like that in a long time. Not since Rahna. Shepard knew that, and yet...they had fallen in love anyway.

A headache started to form, and Kaidan closed his eyes, letting his biotics cool off, to avoid another L2-based headache that he dreaded. With his eyes closed, he inhaled and exhaled hard, practically feeling as though he was gasping for air, almost shocked at the way his anger took him over.

What was bothering him though, was _why_ he had gotten so angry. It wasn’t that Miranda had been with Shepard after him. Hell, it might not have even been that he was never told of Miranda and Shepard, because in the long scheme of things, that didn’t matter.

With the sound of nothing but his own breathing, he opened his eyes and rested his head against the wall, his arms resting on his knees. His feet were planted firmly on the ground, but yet he still felt the ground could give out from under him at any moment.

Maybe the reason he had gotten so angry was because he had been scared.

_Well, that doesn’t make sense_.

Right?

Kaidan’s omni tool flashed, indicating a message, and while Kaidan brought up the interface, he didn’t go to his messages right away. He instead went to the images he had, the video he had taken over the past few weeks. Quiet moments with Miranda in the mess hall, just talking about everything and nothing at all. Quiet moments with Miranda in bed, her sleeping peacefully beside him.

Maybe the reason he had gotten so angry was because he was scared of what Miranda could have meant.

Maybe the reason he had gotten so angry was that Miranda represented something that Kaidan didn’t want to face yet.

Maybe the reason he had gotten so angry was to give himself an out, to take the cowards way out of a situation that could potentially end in him dealing with heartbreak once more.

Maybe the reason he had acted the way that he had, was because he was pushing her away. Maybe it was because he felt something strong for her.

Maybe it was because he was in love with her.

Kaidan’s eyes went wide at the realization, quickly sliding out of the photos and into his messages. He needed the distraction, because if there was one thing Kaidan was good at, it was avoiding any truth about himself at all costs. It had been easier that way, and had saved him a lot of pain in the past - both mental and physical.

The messages opened up and filled up the interface screen. A few old ones from Vega and Jack hung in his inbox that he had yet to read, but the newest one was from Liara. It just read “ _I’m setting up downstairs, come see me when you’re ready_ ”.

He marked the message as read and closed the omni-tool’s interface, and pushed against the wall, forcing himself to stand back up.

Anything that Liara wanted would need to wait. He couldn’t deal with any more realizations - about himself, about Miranda, about the mission, anything. Not now.

About twenty minutes later, after a shower, Kaidan was in bed, trying to sleep.

Trying was the key word.

****

**********************

Morning came and went, and Kaidan still hadn’t left his bedroom. He had showered again and gotten dressed of course, he had made himself presentable, but he hadn’t left the room. It wasn’t until the lunch hour came around that he finally ventured out of the bedroom and down the stairs into the kitchen. He was dressed in pants and his Spectre hoodie, trying to ignore the memories of Miranda that it brought with it.

He had only been in the kitchen for a few minutes cooking before he heard Liara’s voice behind him, though he didn’t move.

“Kaidan, there you are. I’ve been sending you messages, are you alright?”

Kaidan kept his back to the Asari, and simply shrugged. He turned over the steak he had been cooking in the pan, and seasoned it again before looking over his shoulder at Liara. “I’m great, is there a reason you’re still here?”

He could have tried to sound cold towards one of his oldest friends, but instead he just sounded wounded and tired. It would have been an embarrassment if he could give a shit about how he sounded. He was home, he could be however he wanted here.

Right?

Liara, seemingly sensing that Kaidan wasn’t going to actually turn around to talk to her, moved around the kitchen island and sat at the counter, leaning forwards toward him as if she was trying to get a better read on him. Kaidan looked up from the pan and raised his eyebrow, “Can you not look at me like I’m a specimen or something? Liara, you know me.”

“I know I do, which is why I’m worried because you’re not acting like yourself.” Liara paused for a moment as Kaidan moved from the stove top to the counters behind him. “Miranda told me what happened between you two.”

Kaidan had been reaching back from the cupboard, pulling out a plate when Liara spoke again, and he paused in how he was standing. He froze, and swallowed hard before he allowed himself to get back to normal and return to what he was doing. “Oh yeah?” He scoffed, “What did she tell you?”

“What I needed to know, I sensed she was holding something back,” Liara said carefully as Kaidan came back to the stove top and cut through the steak to make sure it was done before putting it on his plate.

He just shook his head at Liara’s words, his eyes closed for a brief moment before they opened again, “You and me both.”

“Kaidan, whatever you’re feeling you need to push it aside. Your personal feelings are not what matters here--”

“That’s just it, Liara, I have been pushing my ‘personal feelings’ aside for fucking _years_ ” Kaidan interrupted, his hands on the counter in front of him, “The main reason I got into this mission, which was _your_ idea might I add, was because of Shepard. And then I am told to put my feelings for Shepard aside for the mission.” Kaidan slid his plate onto the counter, but he didn’t touch it. “Okay, that’s...fine. So I did that, thinking Shepard was dead and that I could move on, and when I did, we get to Omega to see that she’s _alive_ but a clone. _Again_.”

He moved away from the counter and started to pace around the kitchen, not even sure if Liara was even paying attention to him anymore. “Okay, so clone, evil. Same old news, and Miranda is hurt. Hurt _badly_ , and this is after I allowed myself to give into my…” His voice trailed off, not sure what exactly he was trying to say, “I get her back, care for her wounds, and despite my better judgement, I end up falling for her.”

Liara tried to interject something, but Kaidan sighed and looked at Liara, “Listen, I know what you’re going to say, and honestly, I’m tired of people telling me that I need to put my personal issues aside, that there are some things bigger than me. Everything that I have done has been about someone else, about someone else’s survival. What about my own? What about _my_ survival? Maybe this...isn’t what I thought my life would be like, but maybe I have a chance to be happy, but dammit I also have a right to be fucking scared. You can’t take that away from me.”

Liara just looked at Kaidan for a moment, and smirked. “Are you done?”

“Yes.”

“Because what I was _going_ to say, is that C-SEC called and want to know when you’ll be down there. They have the clone ready for you to talk to.”

“Oh.” He didn’t need a mirror to know his face turned ten shades of red.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll go now.” Kaidan shrugged, and headed out of the kitchen, grabbing his pistol and securing it on the way out.

“What about your food?” Liara called back.

“You can eat it if you want?” Kaidan shrugged, and headed out the front door.

Liara raised an eyebrow towards the food and picked it up, tossing it in the garbage. “Glitch, can you get me the numbers of people who deliver food still?”

“Right away, Dr. T’Soni.”

****

**********************

Heading by car to C-SEC gave Kaidan more time to think about what exactly he ended up blurting out to Liara and what exactly that meant for _him_. Well, for one it meant that he owed Miranda an apology. A big apology, but he just had no idea on how that was going to happen. How could he even approach that? ‘Hey, sorry I was a coward, forgive me? I apparently have anger issues when I feel like I’m in love with someone’. Yeah, _that_ would go over well.

Still, he had bigger issues to worry about. The interrogation was going to be an interesting one, considering he was sick and tired of running into clones and he was more than tired of them all trying to be Shepard. It didn’t matter that this one seemed different, or that she looked different than the others. She was a _clone_. Shepard was really _dead_. There was nothing more cut and dry than that. It simply made--

“Alenko! Alenko, come in!” Commander Bailey’s voice came through the car’s speaker and Kaidan was jarred out of his thoughts, as he answered the call.

“Bailey, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“We’re under attack, we need your assistance ASAP!”

Kaidan looked at the map on the dashboard of the car. He wasn’t far off, and if he landed in the wards, he could be at C-SEC faster than driving to the headquarters. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, Alenko out.”

He landed the car and got out, cursing under his breath that he only had his pistol on him. _Now would have been a good time to have a cloaking ability_ , he thought, as he moved closer to C-SEC headquarters, hearing gunshots in the distance. He wasn’t far off.

The closer he approached, the better he could assess the situation. It seemed to be dying down, though there were still some struggles that could be heard. Bailey was shouting orders, and it sounded like he was getting surrounded. Kaidan picked up into a run and got into the middle of the fight, throwing a warp towards the men and women around Bailey, sending the enemies flying.

He pulled out his pistol and picked them off one by one, with Bailey and his men helping. Once the battle seemed to end, C-SEC didn’t seem too worse for the wear, minus bullet holes in the wall, and a few destroyed consoles.

“Dammit,” Bailey muttered, “I just got this damn place to look like it _wasn’t_ in a war.”

“Well Bailey, maybe we all just like it better this way,” Kaidan joked, his biotics cooling off, the cool blue around him fading away. “What exactly happened?”

Bailey was picking up pieces of debris off the floor and tossing it aside, trying to get the pieces that were actually important until one of his men came over to take over. Bailey gestured for Kaidan to follow him, as they ended up standing in front of the blown open interrogation room. “We were compromised. When the clone was brought into the interrogation room, that was when it happened. One of our guys started shooting, and out of nowhere other people started charging in. Alenko, they looked like Cerberus.”

“Cerberus? That doesn’t make sense, the Illusive Man is dead,” Kaidan said, an eyebrow raised, as he looked from Bailey to one of the dead soldiers on the ground wearing Cerberus colors.

“Doesn’t mean you can kill the idea the man had. Some cults are bigger than their batshit leaders.” Bailey muttered, shrugging the whole thing off. He had seen worse things, or at least Kaidan assumed he had. But considering they had no war or any trouble on the Citadel since it was rebuilt a year ago, it seemed suspicious.

Kaidan leaned down and looked at the fallen Cerberus solder beneath him, and clicked on the helmet’s safety release. When the visor flipped up, Kaidan stood up and took a step back. “Bailey, have your men open the helmets of the dead Cerberus soldiers.”

“What?”

“Just do it.”

One by one, Kaidan could hear the clicking of the safety on each helmet being released, and then shocked muttering. Kaidan looked down at the solder below, dead and wearing Shepard’s face.

They were all wearing Shepard’s face.

“Are you telling me they got an army of Shepard clones?” Bailey asked, and Kaidan nodded.

“Unfortunately, it looks that way.” Kaidan then explained to Bailey his mission for the past month and a half, leaving out the personal issues, of course. By the time he was done explaining, Bailey just furrowed his brow and shook his head.

“Let me know what we can do to help, but we’ll keep this quiet now. No one needs to know that a dead war hero is running around trying to kill people.”

Kaidan nodded, “Good idea.”

The men talked a little longer about plans and what to do, and by the time they finished talking, Kaidan had a good idea of what the next step would be.

But now, he had to talk to Miranda.

****

**********************

It had taken some convincing, but Liara finally had given Kaidan the location of Miranda’s apartment on the citadel, and that was where Kaidan found himself now: standing awkwardly in front of the door, waiting after knocking a few times.

By the time the door clicked open, Miranda stood in front of Kaidan not happy to see him, and Kaidan’s eyes fell to the floor. “Listen, I...can I come in? There’s something I need to tell you.”

Miranda didn’t say anything, instead she simply just walked away from Kaidan and he walked in after, the door sliding shut and locking behind him. For a brief moment, he took in the surroundings, but he wouldn’t allow himself to get distracted.

“You wanted something, Alenko?” Miranda asked, her voice as cold as his had been towards her before, and he frowned. He deserved that. He deserved all the anger that she had to offer. Though, he couldn't help but notice something in her eyes, something that proved she was worried about him. Could have been the fact that he had a few wounds from the battle at C-SEC, but he’d tell her about that later.

“Yeah, I wanted to…” Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, his fingers brushing over his implant for a moment, and sighed. “Listen, I wanted to apologize. For the way I acted. I...Listen, Miri, I…”

“Don’t call me that.” She shot back, her arms still crossed over her chest, leaning against the wall.

Kaidan nodded, “Okay, _Miranda_ , I...I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve my anger like that, my confusion, any of that.”

“You’re damn straight I didn’t! I thought you knew, I --”

“Stop, okay? You already apologized for things you didn’t even really need to apologize for, and it’s my turn now.” Kaidan took a few steps towards Miranda, and she did not move from her spot on the wall. This was good. Right? “When I found out, it...brought back memories of Shepard. Not of be being with her, but of the lies. How I had found out Shepard had been with Cerberus, and how I felt I couldn’t trust her. How I had watched her die, to only find out she had been alive? It was...too much.” Kaidan watched as Miranda tried to protest and say something, but he held up his hands in a placating manner.

“A lot of my past has been me pushing aside my personal feelings for what is better for everyone else. I’ve given up a lot of who I was, and I know I won’t ever get that person back. Maybe that’s a good thing. Or maybe in some way, that’s bad. I don’t know. I don’t know if I _want_ to know, but what I know is that a lot of my past was me dealing with the fact that trust has always been hard for me to get and give.” Kaidan took another step towards Miranda, who had let her hands fall to her side, her eyes still locked with Kaidan’s.

When she tried to talk this time, Kaidan didn’t stop her, so she asked, “Did you not trust me? Because I never--”

“I trusted you. I _trust_ you still.” Kaidan said softly. “What had bothered me was not that you had been with Shepard, but it was that there was still the assumption that I knew. There was the...just because I have the company I have, it doesn’t mean that I can read people, you know? I don’t know, I’m not explaining this right, I...yeah.” He sighed deeply, rubbing at his brow for a moment before he tried again, “I’ve struggled time and time again to move on, and to try to find out who I am. To be someone that I can be proud of. I reacted the way that I did because I got scared. I saw it as an...out.”

“An out?” Miranda asked, her voice cracking slightly, seemingly hurt by Kaidan’s words, and this pulled at him in ways that he didn’t expect. “Kaidan, if you didn’t care for me, you could have just said something. I’m not a toy you can use and throw away.”

“I know, I know you’re not. In a way, I was scared, and I wanted you to view _me_ that way.”

“Wait, what? Okay, Kaidan, you are making _no_ sense.”

The Spectre closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, “I realized that when I was with you, I was turning into someone that I wanted to be. That I wanted to know, that I wanted _you_ to know, and that scared me because I haven’t felt like that in years.”

Miranda pushed off the wall and walked towards Kaidan, still keeping distance between them, “Kaidan, what are you saying?”

His heart was pounding loudly and through his chest, and he could swear Miranda had to be able to hear it. It almost felt like he couldn’t breathe, the words stuck in his throat, lodging themselves there. But he had to say it, he had to get it out. “Miranda, I think I’m in love with you.”

Miranda’s eyes went wide, a moment of surprise registering over her features, but soon she smiled. “You think, or you know?”

That...wasn’t what he expected. “I...I know.”

“Good.” It was all that Miranda said before she wrapped her arms around Kaidan’s neck and pressed her lips to his, and he couldn’t help but kiss her back. His eagerness went into the kiss, as well as any feelings of vulnerability that he had -- it was a kiss that showed his walls were down completely now, that he was just as fragile as she had been. Still, it was a kiss that took his breath away, literally, and when it parted, he raised an eyebrow towards her.

“Good? What are you…”

“I really hope you’re not always going to be this dumb, or we are going to have some serious issues here, Alenko.”

“Well that’s not nice to say to someone who just opened their heart to you…”

“Shut up.” Miranda laughed softly, “I think I love you too.”

Kaidan smirked, his hands wrapped around her waist, “You think, or you know?”

“I know.”

It wasn’t long before they kissed again, Miranda’s hand moving down over Kaidan’s arm, though as her fingers reached the cut in his hoodie, she broke the kiss and looked at him. “Can you tell me now why you look like you went through a firefight?”

“What, you can’t kiss me more?”

“That will come later, what happened?” Miranda asked, worry filtering in her voice.

Kaidan sighed deeply, and gestured to the couch, where they both sat down and he explained everything that he knew. What he had seen. Cerberus. The clones. Everything. It wasn’t good, and while the _real_ Shepard was most likely dead, these clones were going to ruin their friend’s name.

“I’ve already sent a message to Liara, and she’s researching it back at my apartment,” Kaidan shrugged, “We can go check in on that, get moving on the next plan?”

A slender finger pressed over his lips, and Miranda shook her head. “How about tonight you put your personal feelings first? We can worry about this tomorrow. If something worse happens, we’ll be notified.”

“I…” Kaidan started to protest, but as he did so, Miranda moved over to him, straddling him on the couch. Her arms draped over the back of the couch, and Kaidan couldn’t help but move his hands up her thighs as she leaned down to kiss him. “Okay. You drive a hard bargain.”

“I hear I can be very convincing.” Miranda grinned, and Kaidan returned the gesture.

“You know, I heard that too.”

Her hands moved from the back of the couch, running down his chest, her fingers catching the zipper of the hoodie and pulled it down, and Miranda pushed the sweatshirt of Kaidan’s shoulders. His hands found their way up her waist to the hem of her shirt, pulling it up over her head and tossed it to the side. His lips brushed against her cool skin, eliciting little moans from Miranda, and suddenly the outside world didn’t seem to matter anymore.

Kaidan could really get used to this.


	18. Epilogue

Her eyes open to a dark room. She slowly sits up in the bed she’s in, unsure of where she is, throwing the blanket off to the side in the process. It takes a minute for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, but she can soon see a lamp on the table beside of her. She looks around for a switch, but then she remembers lamps don’t have those, not anymore.

She touches the base of the lamp, and the room illuminates, barely. A faint yellow light fills the room. Her eyes move around small area, which is noticeably bare. Other than the bed, the table and the lamp, she spots a desk and chair on the other side of the room. And then, she sees what must be herself, reflected in a mirror opposite the bed.

She tilts her head to the side, and the reflection moves with her. Long, unkempt red hair falls over her shoulder, and there are circles underneath her green eyes.

Slowly, she stands and moves closer to examine what feels like a new face. It’s only then that she realizes she has no idea who she is. Her face is unfamiliar to her.

She touches the mirror when it’s in arms length, and then moves her hand to her face, trailing a finger over her cheekbone. She looks tired, and there are faint scars covering her face. She lifts a hand to touch one.

_I don’t remember where this came from_ , she thinks to herself, and her brow furrows in confusion.

She moves around the room, cautiously, looking for any signs that might tell her who she is. Or better yet, _where_ she is.

Nothing.

There are two doors. She opens the first one to find a small bathroom, complete with toilet, shower and sink. It’s not an exit.

So, she attempts to open the other door. The electronic lock flashes red. No good.

It was then that the fear kicked in. _Who am I? What’s going on?_ The questions repeated in her head for a while, and eventually, she found herself leaning against the back of the door, collapsing against it.

With nothing else to do, her eyes drift closed, and she falls asleep against the door.

The only visual she can see in her mind is faint. A massive creature - a ship? - no, a _Reaper_ , she remembers.

_It’s descending to the ground, a laser is firing, and explosions are going off all around her, and she turns back to see his face._

_And then he falls._

_She runs to him_

_He protests as she carries him back to the ship, a blur of a person helping her._

_She says her goodbyes, tells him that she loves him, and he returns the sentiment._

_”I love you, too. Be careful.”_

_And then she’s gone, running toward certain death._

Her eyes open.

She remembers nothing after that and nothing else at all. Her mind is blank, but somehow, that memory, if that’s what it was, made it through.

She has no idea what it means, but she knows that whoever she saw, he must be important.

_Then again, maybe it was just a dream._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus concludes our story...so far! Cliffhanger, we know, but don't worry! As you can tell, we have added in [a series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/68671) to this story, so bookmark/subscribe to that if you'd like more from us! We have two new stories in the works for this series (quite possibly more), and we hope you like it as much as we like writing it!


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